mathNews - Nubblies.net Forums

Pliedes · 10-17-2003, 03:34 AM

I ran across this on the net.

The ones in the middle are the most humorous.

---------------------------------

The math department at UW has a student run news/humour magazine called, appropriately enough, mathNEWS. One of the best columns in there is the prof quotes. This is what keeps us awake in Friday morning classes:

"Has anyone had problems with the computer accounts?"
"Yes, I don't have one."
"Okay, you can send mail to one of the tutors..."

- E. D'Azevedo Computer Science 372

"If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem."
- C. Durance Computer Science 234

"Let's make ethanol green this afternoon."
- R. Friesen Chemistry 124

"You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename."
- Forbes Burkowski Computer Science 454

"What I've done, of course, is total garbage."
- R. Willard Pure Math 430a

"The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty. You might want to mug
someone with it?"
- M. Devine Computer Science 340

"Is it a really good acid, or just a half-acid?"
- R. Friesen Chemistry 124

"You can do this in a number of ways. IBM chose to do all of them.
Why do you find that funny?"
- D. Taylor Computer Science 350

"This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
something child-like."
- Forbes Burkowski Computer Science 454

"I think it is true for all n. I was just playing it safe with n>=3 because
I couldn't remember the proof."
- Baker Pure Math 351a

"Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a
smurfette."
- P. Buhr Computer Science 354

"Every prof blows this. We're all going to get AIDS or something."
- J. Vanderkooy Physics 122

"How do you find an isomorphism? You just f it. See? Graph theory is
a lot of fun."
- I. Goulden Combinatorics and Optimization 230

"You can't drink negative beer. Well, I guess you could throw up."
- Forbes Math Elective 102

"Due to the postal strike, the assignment is extended to one week
from today. I do not give out extensions without good reason."
- Forbes Burkowski Computer Science 454

"You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it
doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on."
- Hepler Systems Design 182

"You have to regard everything I say with suspicion - I may be trying to
bullshit you, or I may just be bullshitting you inadvertently."
- J. Wainwright Mathematics 140b

"Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat."
- M. Devine and P. Larson Computer Science 340

"We'll call it S for cyclic."
- Gord Sinnamon Mathematics 234b

"Karen has her own i, and she is not going to let Frank put his
data into it."
- F. D. Boswell Computer Science 240

"All that was meant to bore you shitless."
- I. Goulden Combinatorics and Optimization 230

"The subspace W inherits the other 8 properties of V. And there
aren't even any property taxes."
- J. MacKay Mathematics 134b

"So you have this mapping P(v). So what does it mean? It means you
take v and 'P' on it, right?"
- J. Baker Mathematics 234b

"That's an engineer on his work term. He's sawing pipes, then soldering
them back together again...He'll do that 10 times to make the pipe
shorter."
- J. MacKay Statistics 332

"What do I do if I am running low on my [computer] account?"
"Take out a loan."
- C. Durance Computer Science 234

Mustafa · 10-17-2003, 04:55 AM

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, instead of screaming in fear like his passengers"

Pliedes · 10-17-2003, 12:27 PM

Isn't that a quote from the guy opening for Seinfeld?

Orgazmo · 10-17-2003, 12:37 PM

Awhile Ago
Anthro Teacher:
"Now, picture this...you're in the middle of a lake and can swim fine. Half way to shore on your left is your brother, half way to shore on the right is your cousin. You can only save one...so which do you go for?"

Random Student:
"I'd save my brother..."

Teacher:
"Of course you would. The reason is because you have a higher coefficient of relation with him...that is, you share more genes with him than your cousin...thus, by saving him, you better help your genes to pass on to future generations.

Chick:
"That doesn't make sense. If you save your brother...that means that you have a better chance of mating with someone of relation, meaning your genes would get messed up..."

Teacher:
"Uhh...it's not like you're to start fucking once you get to shore..."

Two Days Ago
Same Teacher:
"So, basically archaic homo sapiens only real predator was himself."

Different Chick:
"But...the movie we watched last wednesday said that ancient man was commonly hunted by lions and tigers...and he couldn't do much to defend himself..."

Teacher:
"Well the movie was wrong."

Class:
*kinda laughs...thinking he's kidding*

Teacher:
"No, I'm serious. Sure, it had some good details, but their theories were complete bullshit. They didn't know what they were talking about...but we do know what we're talking about...so we'll believe us."

Orgazmo · 10-17-2003, 02:26 PM

And another one from today...

*After talking for about 10 minutes...without any breaks or anything of the sort...*

Teacher:
So, what does all of this have to do with the behavior of ancient man? Hell, I don't know.

Titan · 10-17-2003, 05:38 PM

You'd have had quotes of the day for years to cum, it's too bad you're not that smart.

10-17-2003, 04:55 AM	#2 (permalink)
Mustafa Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 30 Internets: 10	"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, instead of screaming in fear like his passengers"
	http://lazerboobs.com/images/pussycannon.gif

10-17-2003, 05:38 PM	#6 (permalink)
Titan Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 3,698 Internets: 10	You'd have had quotes of the day for years to cum, it's too bad you're not that smart.
	I do what the fuck I want.

10-17-2003, 03:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
Pliedes Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Puget Sound Posts: 4,594 Internets: 1608	I ran across this on the net. The ones in the middle are the most humorous. --------------------------------- The math department at UW has a student run news/humour magazine called, appropriately enough, mathNEWS. One of the best columns in there is the prof quotes. This is what keeps us awake in Friday morning classes: "Has anyone had problems with the computer accounts?" "Yes, I don't have one." "Okay, you can send mail to one of the tutors..." - E. D'Azevedo Computer Science 372 "If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem." - C. Durance Computer Science 234 "Let's make ethanol green this afternoon." - R. Friesen Chemistry 124 "You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename." - Forbes Burkowski Computer Science 454 "What I've done, of course, is total garbage." - R. Willard Pure Math 430a "The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty. You might want to mug someone with it?" - M. Devine Computer Science 340 "Is it a really good acid, or just a half-acid?" - R. Friesen Chemistry 124 "You can do this in a number of ways. IBM chose to do all of them. Why do you find that funny?" - D. Taylor Computer Science 350 "This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does something child-like." - Forbes Burkowski Computer Science 454 "I think it is true for all n. I was just playing it safe with n>=3 because I couldn't remember the proof." - Baker Pure Math 351a "Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette." - P. Buhr Computer Science 354 "Every prof blows this. We're all going to get AIDS or something." - J. Vanderkooy Physics 122 "How do you find an isomorphism? You just f it. See? Graph theory is a lot of fun." - I. Goulden Combinatorics and Optimization 230 "You can't drink negative beer. Well, I guess you could throw up." - Forbes Math Elective 102 "Due to the postal strike, the assignment is extended to one week from today. I do not give out extensions without good reason." - Forbes Burkowski Computer Science 454 "You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on." - Hepler Systems Design 182 "You have to regard everything I say with suspicion - I may be trying to bullshit you, or I may just be bullshitting you inadvertently." - J. Wainwright Mathematics 140b "Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat." - M. Devine and P. Larson Computer Science 340 "We'll call it S for cyclic." - Gord Sinnamon Mathematics 234b "Karen has her own i, and she is not going to let Frank put his data into it." - F. D. Boswell Computer Science 240 "All that was meant to bore you shitless." - I. Goulden Combinatorics and Optimization 230 "The subspace W inherits the other 8 properties of V. And there aren't even any property taxes." - J. MacKay Mathematics 134b "So you have this mapping P(v). So what does it mean? It means you take v and 'P' on it, right?" - J. Baker Mathematics 234b "That's an engineer on his work term. He's sawing pipes, then soldering them back together again...He'll do that 10 times to make the pipe shorter." - J. MacKay Statistics 332 "What do I do if I am running low on my [computer] account?" "Take out a loan." - C. Durance Computer Science 234

10-17-2003, 12:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
Pliedes Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Puget Sound Posts: 4,594 Internets: 1608	Isn't that a quote from the guy opening for Seinfeld?

10-17-2003, 12:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,732 Internets: 311447	Awhile Ago Anthro Teacher: "Now, picture this...you're in the middle of a lake and can swim fine. Half way to shore on your left is your brother, half way to shore on the right is your cousin. You can only save one...so which do you go for?" Random Student: "I'd save my brother..." Teacher: "Of course you would. The reason is because you have a higher coefficient of relation with him...that is, you share more genes with him than your cousin...thus, by saving him, you better help your genes to pass on to future generations. Chick: "That doesn't make sense. If you save your brother...that means that you have a better chance of mating with someone of relation, meaning your genes would get messed up..." Teacher: "Uhh...it's not like you're to start fucking once you get to shore..." Two Days Ago Same Teacher: "So, basically archaic homo sapiens only real predator was himself." Different Chick: "But...the movie we watched last wednesday said that ancient man was commonly hunted by lions and tigers...and he couldn't do much to defend himself..." Teacher: "Well the movie was wrong." Class: kinda laughs...thinking he's kidding Teacher: "No, I'm serious. Sure, it had some good details, but their theories were complete bullshit. They didn't know what they were talking about...but we do know what we're talking about...so we'll believe us."

10-17-2003, 02:26 PM	#5 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,732 Internets: 311447	And another one from today... After talking for about 10 minutes...without any breaks or anything of the sort... Teacher: So, what does all of this have to do with the behavior of ancient man? Hell, I don't know.