lies only - Nubblies.net Forums

Orgazmo · 03-05-2011, 02:01 AM

I had the best ham of my life tonight. Was at a restaurant, Tupelo's, in downtown Indy. They're more known for their seafood selections, but fuck that, I'm more of a land guy.

The ham was marinated in a blend of two local beers (each of which had a sweet spice about it) and encrusted with a few types of nuts. The server brought out an entire ham (save what was already cut from it) and served me from it using an authentic silver spurliegaut. Before he started the cut, he laid down a silver chute that went from the ham's platter (which was elevated on his serving pedestal) to my plate (which has abnormally high walls). As he spirally cut the piece, the juices gushed down the spurliegaut onto the serving platter and, subsequently, down the 2 foot chute onto my plate. The presentation was awesome.

The pleasantries were nice, but the taste of the ham was the real showstopper. The first taste actually stopped me from talking for a bit. It was like smelling a familiar scent that one can't put their finger on. It reminded so so so much of a childhood memory that I couldn't quite remember. Before I took a second bite, I insisted that Tits take a bite. Her reaction? THE SAME FUCKING THING! She couldn't put her finger on the memory either, but felt like it was something from her very early life, perhaps toddlerhood.

All in all, if anyone is ever in Indy and looking for a nice piece of ham, I would stake my wig on the ham that Tupelo's is serving. I know I'll be having it again the next chance I get.

Ironic Mustache · 03-08-2011, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orgazmo

if anyone is ever in Indy and looking for a nice piece of ham

Oh nooooooooooow you tell me!

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 03-09-2011, 09:35 PM

Orgazmo · 03-09-2011, 10:26 PM

You must have mis-typed it.

DDTempest · 03-17-2011, 11:13 AM

I took my spurliegaut over to Zionsville to have have it polished earlier today (Jewish spurliegaut polishers are commonly considered to be superior to Persian) and upon returning to pick it up the man told me that his apprentice (a new hire) had ruined the finish on it by using silver polish. If there is one thing every spurliegaut owner knows, other than spurliegaut ham is delicious, is that you NEVER use silver polish. Ever.

The shopkeeper offered to repolish it and use an ammonia based acetone cleanser to repair the micro abrasions caused by the silver polished but I frankly didn't have time for that as it is St. Patrick's Day and I was intending to host my family's quarterly spurliegaut ham dinner.

I went home and mixed up the proper mixture of spurliegaut safe cleansers and went to work. When I flipped over the serving pan which was also tarnished by that fool at the cleaners I noticed a Nazi swastika that had previously been hidden. Somehow the abrasives in the silver polish had uncovered it. It's pretty common knowledge that spurliegauts was more or less outlawed during WWII by the Nazi's. With the finest spurliegauts being crafted by Jews it was considered an affront against the Nazi party to use them in hamcrafting. If this is a genuine Nazi spurliegaut, it most likely belonged to a high ranking Nazi official with a great love for ham, perhaps Joseph Goebbels.

Could it be true? Do I really have in my possession a genuine Nazi-owned spurliegaut? I intend to find out this weekend as the Antiques Roadshow is at the state fair grounds filming another episode for PBS and the list on antique experts includes Dr. Sven Hamschwitz, the world's foremost expert on spurliegaut history.

I'll keep you guys posted if I figure anything out.

DDTempest · 03-17-2011, 11:15 AM

Here is a screen shot of the Wikipedia article for Goebbels regarding his love of hamcrafting and spurliegauts for those wondering if I just made up that connection.

thekremlin · 03-17-2011, 11:45 AM

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to DDTempest again.

Orgazmo · 06-14-2011, 10:35 PM

We went to the zoo tonight. They had a special "summer on the serengeti" night that included unlimited beer and an entree for $28. Needless to say, I took advantage of the beer. Though it was light, it was enough to tip me over.

Afterward, all goers were left to explore the park. Our first stop was the dolphin show, which happened immediately after the dinner. I sat in the front row (the splash zone) and was chosen to show the dolphin what to do. Unfortunately, I was stumbly and they had to choose a different person after I almost fell just walking and giving simple hand signals.

After that, we went to the prairie dog/salamander cage (basically the desert area). I tried to capture a small salamander (he was crawling up on the cage sorta). His fucking leg ripped off. No blood or anything. I just Googled it and it says they normally grow back (like a tail), so not too worried.

Rest of the night was uneventful.

DJ FC · 06-15-2011, 03:23 PM

Beebs · 06-15-2011, 04:36 PM

This post is a lie

thekremlin · 06-15-2011, 04:49 PM

No it's---- oh FUCK!

DDTempest · 06-15-2011, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orgazmo

We went to the zoo tonight. They had a special "summer on the serengeti" night that included unlimited beer and an entree for $28. Needless to say, I took advantage of the beer. Though it was light, it was enough to tip me over.

Afterward, all goers were left to explore the park. Our first stop was the dolphin show, which happened immediately after the dinner. I sat in the front row (the splash zone) and was chosen to show the dolphin what to do. Unfortunately, I was stumbly and they had to choose a different person after I almost fell just walking and giving simple hand signals.

After that, we went to the prairie dog/salamander cage (basically the desert area). I tried to capture a small salamander (he was crawling up on the cage sorta). His fucking leg ripped off. No blood or anything. I just Googled it and it says they normally grow back (like a tail), so not too worried.

Rest of the night was uneventful.

The first time I read this thread, I paid attention to the title and totally knew you were lying.

thekremlin · 06-17-2011, 06:25 PM

I saw fiona apple live tonight at the gilded heron, a venue in east london. Man she hasn't lost a step. She sang a lot of songs I remember from when she was super pop, a lot of songs I never heard, and also some really fucking awesome covers, like "while my guitar gently weeps." I thought it would be a lot of dudes at the gig, on account of her being smoking hot, but there were a lot of feminist-ish chicks. I was chatting one up for a while before I realized she was a lesbo. Best night ever.

03-05-2011, 02:01 AM	#1 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,726 Internets: 311447	lies only I had the best ham of my life tonight. Was at a restaurant, Tupelo's, in downtown Indy. They're more known for their seafood selections, but fuck that, I'm more of a land guy. The ham was marinated in a blend of two local beers (each of which had a sweet spice about it) and encrusted with a few types of nuts. The server brought out an entire ham (save what was already cut from it) and served me from it using an authentic silver spurliegaut. Before he started the cut, he laid down a silver chute that went from the ham's platter (which was elevated on his serving pedestal) to my plate (which has abnormally high walls). As he spirally cut the piece, the juices gushed down the spurliegaut onto the serving platter and, subsequently, down the 2 foot chute onto my plate. The presentation was awesome. The pleasantries were nice, but the taste of the ham was the real showstopper. The first taste actually stopped me from talking for a bit. It was like smelling a familiar scent that one can't put their finger on. It reminded so so so much of a childhood memory that I couldn't quite remember. Before I took a second bite, I insisted that Tits take a bite. Her reaction? THE SAME FUCKING THING! She couldn't put her finger on the memory either, but felt like it was something from her very early life, perhaps toddlerhood. All in all, if anyone is ever in Indy and looking for a nice piece of ham, I would stake my wig on the ham that Tupelo's is serving. I know I'll be having it again the next chance I get.

03-09-2011, 09:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,350 Internets: 290966
	#YOLO

06-15-2011, 03:23 PM	#9 (permalink)
DJ FC MURICAN Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Virginia Posts: 5,136 Internets: 253094	wow
	The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
960 Ways To Be The Perfect You!	ninjaface	The Confessional/Advice Line	2	03-22-2008 10:44 PM

03-09-2011, 10:26 PM	#4 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,726 Internets: 311447	You must have mis-typed it.

03-17-2011, 11:45 AM	#7 (permalink)
thekremlin Don't call me Shirley Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: London Posts: 3,271 Internets: 220249	You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to DDTempest again.

06-14-2011, 10:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,726 Internets: 311447	We went to the zoo tonight. They had a special "summer on the serengeti" night that included unlimited beer and an entree for $28. Needless to say, I took advantage of the beer. Though it was light, it was enough to tip me over. Afterward, all goers were left to explore the park. Our first stop was the dolphin show, which happened immediately after the dinner. I sat in the front row (the splash zone) and was chosen to show the dolphin what to do. Unfortunately, I was stumbly and they had to choose a different person after I almost fell just walking and giving simple hand signals. After that, we went to the prairie dog/salamander cage (basically the desert area). I tried to capture a small salamander (he was crawling up on the cage sorta). His fucking leg ripped off. No blood or anything. I just Googled it and it says they normally grow back (like a tail), so not too worried. Rest of the night was uneventful.

06-15-2011, 04:36 PM	#10 (permalink)
Beebs Poor Sport Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Indianapolis / Middlebury / Long Lake Posts: 5,306 Internets: 127341	This post is a lie

06-15-2011, 04:49 PM	#11 (permalink)
thekremlin Don't call me Shirley Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: London Posts: 3,271 Internets: 220249	No it's---- oh FUCK!

06-17-2011, 06:25 PM	#13 (permalink)
thekremlin Don't call me Shirley Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: London Posts: 3,271 Internets: 220249	I saw fiona apple live tonight at the gilded heron, a venue in east london. Man she hasn't lost a step. She sang a lot of songs I remember from when she was super pop, a lot of songs I never heard, and also some really fucking awesome covers, like "while my guitar gently weeps." I thought it would be a lot of dudes at the gig, on account of her being smoking hot, but there were a lot of feminist-ish chicks. I was chatting one up for a while before I realized she was a lesbo. Best night ever.