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10-15-2002, 10:37 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Well, not only Brazilians, let's talk about all foreign folks who decide to sent unnecessary messages across the icq network in an attempt to develop new 5 minute relationships with others. The reason that I refer to the relationships as no longer than 5 minutes is in regards to the fact that these cunts speak english as well as a poorly fed rabbit. After a 5 minute duration, the conversation has covered the "how old you are" question, the "what work do you have" question, the "where are you" question, and, of course, the "what is the weather where you are" question. After this, they don't know what you're talking about...nor you what they're talking about. The product of the talk is 5 wasted minutes.
Allow me to do a quick rundown of what is happening right now with ICQ#: 172336956, who is Joana Aurora Braun Chagas from Chapecó Brazil. It all starts with the message that contains a "Hi." Of course, 85% of the time I simply ignore them...but her nickname is ladybug, I thought that perhaps she would be a nice girl who knew a bit of english (I thought that if she could say "ladybug" maybe she could say "so, how is life treating you"). Of course, this was/is not the case... After the initial greetings, our conversation stays very bland. She says something to me that I can hardly understand, and I reply by saying "You speak English very well." Instead of saying "Thanks," the bitch says "Don't say that!" What the fuck!? It was at this moment that I decided that civility was out of the question. The conversation continued, and it still does. Let me go ahead and fill you in on some shit that are being tossed around here. What follows is exactly copied from my icq history. <her> so... tell me... what do you do??? <me> I penetrate children at a school you? <her> and... what time is now?? in the usa <me> it's 8:15 @ night <her> oh... here is 22:15 night...obout 2hours.... <me> yup, what city are you from cunt? <her> Chapeco... it's in the South.. far from the beach... hehe <me> hehe, that's neat is the weather nice there? a lot of big dongs there? <her> yeah.... i like here... it's cold and hot... lots of rain and a great summer... big dongs--> what does it means...??? <me> a big dong, hmm, i don't know how to describe it it's a type of wood a long slender tree, a mix between a palm tree and a volcano do you have big dongs? <her> i don't know... here we have a too much kinds of trees... but i think that we have big dongs here! =P <me> haha, that's good what kind of food do you like? have you ever eaten a huge black gigglestick? probably not, i think gigglesticks only come in brown in Brazil <her> black gigglestick... i don't know what is it but i a lot of kinds of food...... japanese, some fruits like apple, watermelon,straberry.... i loe chocolate and some kinds of fast food... <me> yeah, i like watermelon too! do you like fudge? do you ever pack fudge for fun? <her> i dont know what is fudge..... you have to be patience with me... i don't know many things... could you explain what is fudge??? <me> fudge is a special kind of chocolate it's very rich, very tasty some people, the people who really like fudge, are willing to do a special type of job to get it it's called a "rim job" after the rim job, the person can eat all the fudge that they want...i think that may just be an American tradition though <her> yeah... i think so... <me> what kind of job do you have? you're not a filthy slut, are you? <her> this year i'm studing t the vestibular... a kind of test that we do to get to the university... so, i'm not working... <her> good night... i must sleep... 'cause tomorrow i have a test and i need to saty awake see you bye!!! <me> alright, it's been nice talking to you have a good night and guard your pie, you don't know what kind of rapist will come into your quarters and take your innocence during the night later <her> hehhehee bye bye... Thus ending the conversation... I'm not sure what you're supposed to take away from this post. It contradicts itself a bit. It starts off saying how pointless conversations with foreigners are...and then goes on to show how much fun can be had with an unsuspecting Brazilian bitch. Take what this post what you will. Use it as a fuel for foreign hatred, or as a tool for building a beautiful source of laughter. The choice is yours to make. Take some time and make it the right one. [This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited October 15, 2002).] |
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10-15-2002, 10:50 PM
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#2 (permalink) |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
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Orgazmo-
I have experienced a laugh or two on instant messenger myself. Perhaps the following copy-paste segment will stir up a chuckly amongst the crowd, this man (billycarois) lives in South Bend and randomly messaged me, hoping I could help him get laid, and of course I was more than happy to help: billycarois: hey,. are u online ? UB:yeah UB:what up billycarois: not much,..how old are u UB:18 why? billycarois: never mind,. have a good night you cant help me your still young, thanks for talking to me UB:what did you want help with man? billycarois: its about sex and its illegal to talk about sex with u UB:you're a guy right? UB:why the fuck would you want to talk sex to another guy? billycarois: yeah UB:are you a flamer? billycarois: i'm not gay billycarois: i just wanted some help UB:just tell me, i know more about shit than you might think billycarois: okay,.look, i just moved to this place and looking for a woman to have sex with,. can u help on that one,. just tell me where to find her,. i'm totally new,. moved here 2 weeks ago UB:alright you live in south bend? billycarois: yep UB:alright. lemme place a call. just gimme a sec okay!  billycarois: ok,.i'll be thankfulmif you help me UB:the corner of west and main there is a small gas station. go in and ask the middle aged clerk for jenny's number. jenny is a hot piece of ass that i have set up on the corner of clinton and rockingham, call her and she'll give you directions. just mention my name and you'll be set up billycarois: well thank you so much,.is there any problem if i pop there tomorrow in the afternoon UB:hmm. i dunno man. i just called her and she is a little lonely tonight. tomorrow AFTERNOON?? she's not going to fuck in the middle of the day douchebag billycarois: don't u have her number so i can her right away ? billycarois: call her right away UB:yeah lemme look billycarois: ok UB:Sorry...but I can't disclose a employee's information just like that...it's kinda my personal policy...I'm telling you though, if you want pussy, you'll go tonite...and right now, she doesn't stay up all nite billycarois: how old is she ? UB:20 billycarois: how much does she charge ? UB:t depends, take $20 - the length of your penis in inches then take that dollar amt and divide by two billycarois: well thanks alot but it wouldmuch better if it was not for right now maybe tomorrow,.i gotta go to work in just a few minutes so what can i,. please,.help me and charge me if you want to but help me UB:listen billy, jenny is the finest piece of ass within 100 miles of you now you came to me asking for pussy, and I am here, trying to deliver 100%...yet you are making this rather difficult if you don't want to get laid, that's all you i've tried being civil with you, but you've left me with no choice Jenny will not be there for you after tonite, in fact, if you don't contact her within 20 minutes, it's all over now, Mr. Corois, you have a decision to make, a decision of importance your cock or one night's work billycarois: well,..thanks a lot but theres not but its all my fault,.what do u mean shes not gonna be there for me after tonight UB:Listen Mr. Carois...I'm a man of business...much like she is a woman of business She's there for you now, Mr. Carois I'm confident that you realize that potential of this situation...she's fuck your throbbing cock dry for a relatively nominal fee... You're telling me that you are going to give that up to go to your shit job all night long I cannot keep this window open all day and night for you here, I have a line a mile long waiting to taste the inside of this broad, tell me, in your next message, quit beating around the bush... Are you on ship or not, Mr. Carois? billycarois: well,. suppose we didn't meet yet and that we are gonna meet this coming monday,..trust me i'll be ready to do business with her and thanks for your help,. i don't think your gonna let me down,. its been forever since i had a pussy,. and don't worry i got money to pay for it,. i don't go cheap so please lets put this off on monday i will concact u -Ugly Bastard [This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited February 17, 2003).] |
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10-15-2002, 11:10 PM
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#3 (permalink) |
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Yes, these types of conversations aren't really what I'd call rare. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that these types of conversations (with any person who has a disability when it comes to english <whether it be due to being a dumbass or not fully understanding the language> ) are commonplace. Because of that fact, I think that we should make this thread the official place for posting various conversations that house funny shit. This includes but is not limited to: IM chats with foreigners, chat room conversations with masses of folks, and imposter talks with anyone. So go ahead and make fun of people, whether it be implicitly or outright. Have fun and post your results. Have a goodtime.
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10-15-2002, 11:29 PM
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#4 (permalink) |
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Sex Kitten Milf fuuucck
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Denver, CO
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I have to say that Orgazmo's conversation is absolutely HOElarious.....I also wanna say it's nice to see that Nubblies is making a comeback.....
By the way StDx was caught in the time nubblies was off(i call it the dead period) making love with another man...sick |
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10-17-2002, 08:43 PM
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#6 (permalink) |
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Just had another encounter with the one who started this entire thing. I may have accidentally scared her off though...who knew that Brazilians know what a molester is?
<her> Hi!! <me> Hey! <her> how are you? <me> i'm alright, how have you been? <her> ok... a little bit tired... <me> ahh, that's no good <her> wy?? <me> well, when you're tired, you see, it's tough to operate or do menial things, like enslave jews being tired can be alright though <her> ahm.. i just wanna sleep a little... <me> yeah, but dont' take a permanent nap i saw a video in school about those evidently they're no good... do you like jokes? <her> it depends... what kind of jokes?? <me> hilarious jokes this joke has to do with your being sleepy If a light sleeper sleeps with the light on, what does a hard sleeper sleep with? <her> i din't understand... don't be mad, please... <me> haha, it is alright, i have patience i'll try to talk as if i was speaking to a mentally challenged heap of twat hair maybe that will help? it is probably my fault that you don't understand, i should talk with more common words, speaking with such flig of nitch wib top nitch gund, right? <her> yeah... i understand lot of things... but i don't know your slangs and things lika that... <me> yes, i completely understand what your cock gobbler is saying i have taken a bit of spanish, and when i talk to mexicans on icq, i can't understand their slang <her> ok <me> do you have a dog or not? <her> yeah i like animals too much i've got 3 dogs... and one of them is pregnant... <me> that's neat! what are you going to name the puppies? I suggest that you name one of them "douche lips." That is slang for 'Pretty Puppy'. <her> intersting... than you! i htink that they will orn next week! <me> Awesome! I am sure that having new puppies will be cum loads of fun <her> ahan... and you?? do you like animals?? <me> I love animals! I am hardcore into bestiality. I tell a lot of people how much I like animals, but they don't like to hear it. I'm glad that you like animals as much as me! <her> =) great! and what are you going to do in the university?? have you decided?? <me> Yes, I'm going to be a gynecologist. A gynecologist is someone who studies different types of cunts. A cunt is a sweet fruit, normally found on HUGE dongs. Remeber our last conversation when I told you that a dong was a tree? Sorry, I may be confusing you again. I am going to study different kinds of fruit in the university. What about you? <her> i think i'm going to be a vet or a biologist.. <me> that sounds like a good job <her> i love animals... so i think i have to work with them.. <me> that's good if you love something, you should work with it I love little boys, so i should probably be a molester or a day care worker <her> you are crazy <me>  <her> bye <me> bye And then it was over. Judging from the abrupt stop of messaging, I'm assuming she understood that I was telling her that I was going to molest children... Seriously, who would guess that this bitch would know Molester but not simple shit like "Dong." Even if I had no clue what a dong was...just by the sound I could guess. Well shit...it's not like I'll have to wait too long for another aimless foreigner to message me...let the games begin. |
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10-18-2002, 02:01 AM
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#8 (permalink) |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
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FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! HOLY CHRIST IM ROLLING!!!
I especially enjoyed the "it is probably my fault that you don't understand, i should talk with more common words, speaking with such flig of nitch wib top nitch gund, right?" part. ODE TO ORGAZMO. May his bitches be willing and giving. God I love this place... |
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10-18-2002, 07:04 PM
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#9 (permalink) |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: U.S.A.
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This man messaged me out of the blue one day. Here is a conversation between us today. At one point in time, this man actually believed I was Kramer off of Seinfeld because he saw my yahoo profile and saw the picture of Kramer on there. And of course, it would be impossible for my to put a picture of someone other than me up there, so it has to be me, Cosmo Kramer. Anywho, here is our conversation:
asrabbit91: hi *** Auto-response sent to asrabbit91: If by "here" you mean "playing tennis", then yes, I am here. asrabbit91: bye are you tALKING TO ME STILL asrabbit91: YES OR NO asrabbit91: (Link: WWW.MIAMI HURRICANES.COM)WWW.MIAMI HURRICANES.COM asrabbit91: BYE BYE UB:hey jackass. stop sending me links. i don't fucking care. asrabbit91: OK UB:why do you send me links to yahoo? do you think that i am not aware that yahoo exists? asrabbit91: JOKING SEE IF IT WOOULD STILL O TO SITE LIKE THAT UB:you do realize that what you say makes absolutly no sense whatsoever don't you? asrabbit91: A LITTLE I AM SMART I WAS JOKNG LOL UB:if you are smart, then tell me what 8x9-4x3 is asrabbit91: YOU MEAN 8 TIMES 9 AND 4 TI MES 3 UB:no moron. i mean (8x9)-(4x3) asrabbit91: 72 12 asrabbit91: OR 8 TIMES NINE SUBTRACT 4TIMES 3 asrabbit91: I AM CORRECT UB:moron. any forth grader can do simple multiplecation. but apparantly you missed that big "-" in between the equations. asrabbit91: OK asrabbit91: 60 IS ANSWER 60 IS ANSWER UB:YES! very good! you're getting better man! UB:alright now tell me who the speaker of the house for the united states of america is. asrabbit91: YOU MEAN PRESIDET asrabbit91: PRESIDENT UB:no douchebag. if i meant president, i would have said "president" but i did not say "president" i said "speaker of the house" asrabbit91: I DO NOT UNDERSTAnd WHAT YOU MEAN HERE UB:have you ever heard of the: House of Representatives? asrabbit91: YES UB:so who is the, Speaker of the House asrabbit91: CHEANY WHO CARES UB  for you nubblies fans, he hasn't responded in about five minutes now)UB:no not cheney you moron! UB:he's the vice president UB:god. have you ever been on the jay leno show? they have this segment, jay walking..... asrabbit91: I KNOW GIVE ME MATH I DO NOT CARE asrabbit91: I WATCH ALL TIME UB when i previously said "for you nubblies...." he typed "Cheany who cares" right before i clicked enter on my message)asrabbit91: LCM IS EASY UB:Least Common Multiple? you have got to be kidding me! i did that in second grade! asrabbit91: OH asrabbit91: I AM JOKINFG THAT IS SO EASY I CAN DO EASY UB also for you nubblies fans, i am typing these messages right in his window, he is just too stupid to realize this)UB:what is the president's wife name? UB:.....don't look it up. fucking answer bitch. asrabbit91: WHAT WINDOPW ARE YOU TYPING IN UB:i noticed mr. asrabbit91 that you did not answer my question. why didn't you answer my question? my question was, what is president bush's wife's name? asrabbit91: HILLARY rodham UB:i'm not sure what i can say at a time like this. UB:why don't you tell all my friends who are reading this how old you are. asrabbit91: mrs .bush name is that UB:WOW! you're a fucking genious man! what's her first name? asrabbit91: hillary hillary UB:you make me smile. do you know that? what is bill clinton's wife's name? asrabbit91: i am smart how come you are tellin your freinds that i am 18 UB:again. you didn't answer my question. i'm getting disturbed now.. what is bill clinton's wife's name? asrabbit91: my bad laura welch is geroge bush UB:VERY FUCKING GOOD. give me the link to the site that told you that. i want to see what else they've got. asrabbit91: clinton is hillary rodham UB:VERY FUCKING GOOD AGAIN! ...the link please. asrabbit91: no link UB:damn, a book. alright that's fine tell me: what has been happening in virginia lately? asrabbit91: there is a snipper i hatethat who is killing everybody asrabbit91: that is mean who ever is doing it UB:VERY GOOD MAN! did they teach you that in your "special people" class?? UB:tell me: do you ride the short bus to school? asrabbit91: i am not in a special people class asrabbit91: no asrabbit91: i told you i was smart UB:yeah you are smart man. you know that cheney is the speaker of the house and everything. i am proud of you last question: who did george bush run against in the last presidential election? UB nubblies people: it's been about five minutes now...)UB nubblies people: it's been nearly ten minutes. yahoo isn't givin him his answers so fast anymore)UB:you don't know do you? you do not know who george bush ran against in the last election do you? asrabbit91: my mom tolde me to stop asknig her trhses questions Beautiful isn't it? I'm always lookin out for you guys [This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited February 17, 2003).] |
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10-18-2002, 07:25 PM
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#10 (permalink) |
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Wow. That message could easily fit into the dumbass of the day thread.
I have to be honest, I really liked how you knew that the conversation was going to be posted on Nubblies...and you sent him messages to help guide the readers. That's Grade A, my friend, Grade A. |
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10-19-2002, 02:56 AM
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#11 (permalink) |
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Guest
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Orgazmik Productions proudly brings to you the third installment of "Dumb Brazilian Bitch."
<her> Hey!! <me> Hey what does "buxexinha" mean? *note to the reader: her email address is "[email protected]"* <her> why?? how do you know it.... from my email?? <me> yes, the email tipped me off <her> its a prt of the body... from the face... between the eyes and lips... <me> ahh, the choade? that's what we call it in english, the choade <her> i think it's snying <me> The word "snying" I don't know what this word means <her> so i dont know... my dictionary says that it is bochecha <me> well i'll be dipped in shit alright so how are you? <her> fine... i'm not ok at school, so i'm little upset... <me> What's wrong at school? Rapist counselors? <her> no... i'm with low grades in phisics... <me> well jizzballs. what is the problem? you just don't understand it? <her> no i understand... but in the text i forggot some things... and took bad grades... <me> you took bad grades? I wouldn't take them. Just leave them, that'll show the sex bear <her> what? <me> I said that sometimes it's tough to remember things that you've read I often have the same problem <her> yeah... and you how are you doing?? <me> i doing fine am tonight <her> great... and are you going out this weekend?? <me> I can't leave my house. There is a man in my country who has a big gun. He shoots people from very far away for no reason at all. The police can't find him. His name is THE MOTHERFUCKING SNIPER. Do you have any information on the motherfucking sniper? There's a reward. Don't make stuff up though, that'll get you in deep shit. <her> i know... i saw it in tv... this man is crazy... <me> yeah, he's probably a jew do you know what a jew is? <her> no <me> a jew is a filthy filthy person a jew will lie, cheat, or steal to get whatever they want it's a terrible insult to be called a jew <her> yeah... now i understand <me> good, you learned something  now you can use thatyou can call your friends "dirty jews" and they won't know what it means! <her> yeah hehehe <me> so what kind of music do you listen to? <her> a lot of kinds... i like red hot chilli peppers the calling, U2, beatles, creed, alanis morissete, incubus... eminem <her> and yuou? <me> You like eminem? I'm a big eminem fan do they translate his shit into portugeuse for you? <her> no but i can understand somethings <her> its easy... <me> that's neat have your heard the song "fuck foreigners"? he sings about how he doesn't like people from countries other than the usa... i did not think you would like him because of that <her> some musics are good... and interesting... others aren't so good... you know... <me> yes, you are right just like blowjobs, right? <her> aha <me> do you have a picture of yourself? <her> no... =(... but soon i will... now i'm going... i must sleep i'll talk to you tomorrow... ok?? =*** see you <me> alright 8===> have a good night bye Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode (maybe)... |
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10-23-2002, 07:11 PM
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#12 (permalink) |
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Sex Kitten Milf fuuucck
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 3,704
Internets: 55974
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If you would ever be so kind and give this Brazilians icq number to me I think I would enjoy thoroughly in partaking in the same thigns you are. However if you do not want me to do so I wholeheartedly understand.
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10-23-2002, 07:20 PM
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#13 (permalink) |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: U.S.A.
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If you would ever be so kind and scroll up to the top of this forum where you can see Orgazmo already provied us with her icq number I would enjoy thoroughly in seeing you partake in this manner. However if you do not want to do so, I wholeheartedly understand.
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10-31-2002, 02:12 AM
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#15 (permalink) |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: U.S.A.
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This random-bitch messaged me tonight. So I decided to have a little fun with her for you guys' sake. I hope you appreciate all the work I do just to squeeze a chuckle out of a nubblies.com member. When I say that my roommate was typing, I am of course lying
. The convo:mousie_p: hey, wanna chat? UB:so your name is laura?? mousie_p: yep UB:laura, have you ever had the honor of tasting a six year old boy's asshole?? mousie_p: ummmmm....NO! y would u ask that??? UB:well laura, you strike me as the kind of girl that would find pleasure in eating a six-year old boy or girl out mousie_p: fuck u! i am not like that! and u don't even know me, yet u say that! UB  laura, i'm sorry. that was my roommate being gay while i was brushing my teeth! i hope you aren't mad at me, honestly, it wasn't me!mousie_p: yeh, i'm sure it was..... UB:i swear it was laura. i'm really sorry! i hope you can forgive me mousie_p: that is just plain disgusting! and i would never do anything like that! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! UB:he's a heterosexual laura. do you know what that is? mousie_p: no, i am from ky......duh! of course i do! i wasn't born yesterday! lol! UB:so bitch, have you ever ate another cunt or not? mousie_p: fuck u! UB:damnit! that was my roommate. I SWEAR IT WAS LAURA! everytime i get up to change my shirt, he fucking does that. i punched him for you mousie_p: plz do it again! mousie_p: lol UB:do what again? mousie_p: well, i don't wanna hear another thing about it.,....plzzzzzz mousie_p: punch him..... UB:i punched him in the crotch, and hung him from his loft by his testicles....is that good-enough? he's screaming right now, i think i should let him down mousie_p: yeh UB:so tell me laura. have you seriously ever done anything with another girl? i'm not sure why he asked you that? maybe he thinks you have?!? mousie_p: FUCK NO! UB:well what's the most you've ever done with a guy laura? mousie_p: nonya! UB:..so you must be an overweight bitch who never gets any and doesn't want others to know about it. am i correct laura? mousie_p: X-( mousie_p: X-( mousie_p: X-( UB:i think i struck a nerve....so how overweight are you laura? mousie_p: X-( UB:everytime you make that gay face, you are just confirming my thoughts that you are an overweight dyke who is probably fisting herself with a vibrator as we speak (and for you nubblies fans, when i say "speak" i mean "type" ) mousie_p: fuck u asshole! u don't know a thing about me, and ur make'n up all this shit,....that ISN'T true! i hope u die! UB:it's okay to be overweight laura. i'm sure most of your family is overweight. there is nothing wrong with that.....have you been blessed with the word of god lately? mousie_p: what the fuck r u try'n to do? mousie_p: ok, u know absoultly nothing about me, u make up all this shit, and u presume to know me, even though u dont UB:i am trying to save you from eternal damnation laura. you told me that you hope i die...you sound like you need nubblies.com right now laura mousie_p: ok, i am leaving, b/c u r rude, and mean, and cruel to me, when u don't know me, and i absolutly do not like u anymore! UB:well the fact that you liked me to begin with even though you just started talking to me, might indicate that you are a desperate-overweight dyke who is reaching out for someone to be her friend....nubblies.com is your friend laura. talk to your friend. mousie_p: u f'n asshole! i do not need any nubblies.com! ok! i have someone thank u very much! and i am not fat, or overweight, or what the fuck ever! i hate u ! UB:you may hate me. but your good friend, nubblies.com will never hate you...nubblies loves and takes care of people, not hate them mousie_p: fuck off! die already! UB:alright laura. i feel we are done here. but i hope and pray for your sake that your adventures with nubblies.com are just beginning. good luck to you with your weight loss. goodbye laura mousie_p: u fuck'n prick! good bye and i hope that u soon die! UB:i'm assuming you meant "i hope that you die soon" but it's okay. nubblies will teach you how to type. goodnight laura. i'll be dreaming of you [This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited February 17, 2003).] |
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10-31-2002, 10:57 AM
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#16 (permalink) |
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You got more than a little bit of a laugh from me. Absolutely amazing. I didn't know if I'd like it as much since she understood everything that you typed, but, in the end, it turns out it was just as funny if not funnier than the talkings with Brazilians. Congratulations, Ugly Bastard, I'm proud to call you one of my own.
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