Professor NUmber's Theories - Nubblies.net Forums

ProfessorNumber · 11-25-2010, 06:35 PM

Seeing as how my screen name has the word 'Professor' in it, I now believe that entitles me to put forth meaningful theories on life.

Today's topic? -- What can you do to a stranger without provoking a physical altercation. Aka, "OHHH, I thought you were someone else"

Preface: Have you ever been a bar when some drunk asshole puts his arm over your shoulder and starts slurring words into you ear from a range of five inches? Then, a perplexed look crosses their face as they proclaim: "Ohhhh shiittt, I thought you were someone else!! You look just like my friend ______!! Do you know him??" Although this type of encounter rarely occurs to me, I have recently witnessed it happen to a number of strangers. It got me thinking.

How much do you think you could get away with doing to a stranger -- provided you loudly proclaimed "Ohhh shit, I thought you were someone else!!" -- before they took it upon themselves to physically confront you. Let's lay down some assumptions.

1. The setting obviously has a direct effect on the outcome. If you do anything to a stranger at a rock/metal bar, the odds of a violent reaction are dramatically increased.

2. The average level of intoxication [within a given setting] will have a direct impact on whether this game will result in a physical confrontation.

3. There is a high degree of variation among the American population in regards to a 'propensity towards violence'. For this reason, it would seem reasonable to assign a percentage to the odds of a given act resulting in violence. If a given act has less than a 20% chance of violence, then, for the purpose of this theory, we will operate under the assumption that it is "safe", or "without violent consequence".

4. There are many different definitions of what constitutes physical violence. For the sake of erring towards caution, a 'firm-push' will qualify as a violent reaction.

SO, with all that being said, what could an average person reasonably do to a person without fear of violent recourse, provided they loudly let the person know "I thought you were someone else!" Let's start small. Slap someone on the ass? Probably. Tell them to suck a cock? Most likely. Pour your drink on some exposed portion of their arm or leg? Debatable. The bottom line here is that I believe a person could get away with quite a bit of shennaniganry, provided they added the phrase "Ohhh shit, I thought you were someone else" at the end.

Disclaimer: Needless to say, trying this experiment in real life would make you a real douche-bag.

DDTempest · 11-29-2010, 11:13 AM

Jam your thumb in their asshole! "Goosing" if you will.

Ironic Mustache · 11-29-2010, 11:49 PM

We call that the "oil check" 'round these parts.

11-25-2010, 06:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
ProfessorNumber Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 1,215 Internets: 3373	Professor NUmber's Theories Seeing as how my screen name has the word 'Professor' in it, I now believe that entitles me to put forth meaningful theories on life. Today's topic? -- What can you do to a stranger without provoking a physical altercation. Aka, "OHHH, I thought you were someone else" Preface: Have you ever been a bar when some drunk asshole puts his arm over your shoulder and starts slurring words into you ear from a range of five inches? Then, a perplexed look crosses their face as they proclaim: "Ohhhh shiittt, I thought you were someone else!! You look just like my friend ______!! Do you know him??" Although this type of encounter rarely occurs to me, I have recently witnessed it happen to a number of strangers. It got me thinking. How much do you think you could get away with doing to a stranger -- provided you loudly proclaimed "Ohhh shit, I thought you were someone else!!" -- before they took it upon themselves to physically confront you. Let's lay down some assumptions. 1. The setting obviously has a direct effect on the outcome. If you do anything to a stranger at a rock/metal bar, the odds of a violent reaction are dramatically increased. 2. The average level of intoxication [within a given setting] will have a direct impact on whether this game will result in a physical confrontation. 3. There is a high degree of variation among the American population in regards to a 'propensity towards violence'. For this reason, it would seem reasonable to assign a percentage to the odds of a given act resulting in violence. If a given act has less than a 20% chance of violence, then, for the purpose of this theory, we will operate under the assumption that it is "safe", or "without violent consequence". 4. There are many different definitions of what constitutes physical violence. For the sake of erring towards caution, a 'firm-push' will qualify as a violent reaction. SO, with all that being said, what could an average person reasonably do to a person without fear of violent recourse, provided they loudly let the person know "I thought you were someone else!" Let's start small. Slap someone on the ass? Probably. Tell them to suck a cock? Most likely. Pour your drink on some exposed portion of their arm or leg? Debatable. The bottom line here is that I believe a person could get away with quite a bit of shennaniganry, provided they added the phrase "Ohhh shit, I thought you were someone else" at the end. Disclaimer: Needless to say, trying this experiment in real life would make you a real douche-bag.
	Smoke a cigarette and lie some more -- These conversations kill.

11-29-2010, 11:49 PM	#3 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	We call that the "oil check" 'round these parts.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.