Joke of the Day - Page 11 - Nubblies.net Forums

Repugnant Abomination · 11-23-2010, 07:05 PM

I found his relationship to the water bottle really distracting. No, I couldn't enjoy this at all.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 11-23-2010, 11:24 PM

hmm... try again Blonde. I know it got upvoted at reddit but our standards are a little higher here.

Mr. Blonde · 11-24-2010, 12:22 AM

Not judging by what you post (nothing).

Mr. Blonde · 11-24-2010, 12:23 AM

thekremlin · 11-24-2010, 10:15 AM

Knock knock

Who's there?

9/11

9/11 who?

YOU SAID YOUD NEVER FORGET!!!

Saint DH · 12-17-2010, 03:28 PM

President Obama and President Bush are sitting next to each other at a barber shop getting their haircut. They're relaxing and enjoying some presidential chit-chat with one another. The barber finishes Obama's haircut first, and, upon finishing, asks Mr. Obama if he would like a spray of some fine, sweet smelling cologne. To which Obama replies, "No thank you. If I come home smelling like that Michelle will think I've been at a French whore house all afternoon." Moments later, Bush's haircut is finished, and the barber asks him if he would like a spray of cologne. Bush replies, "Sure, Laura doesn't know what a French whore house smells like."

ninjaface · 01-05-2011, 08:36 PM

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said,

“The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind.”

They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity.

Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other,

“Do you know where we are?”

“I think so,” replied the other hunter. “I think this is about the same place where we crashed last year.”

Saint DH · 01-15-2011, 02:17 PM

A chinaman is visiting the US. Upon his arrival he goes to the bank to exchange some of his yuan into dollars. He gives the teller about 1,000 yuan and gets about $150 in return. A few weeks later Mr. Chinaman returns to the bank to exchange some more of his currency to dollars. Again, he gives the teller 1,000 yuan, but this time he gets only $125 in return. This confuses the chinaman. He says, "Last time I here I get more."

The bank teller explains, "Well sir, you see, there are fluctuations in the exchange rate."

The chinaman interrupts, "What did you say?"

The bank teller continues explaining, "There are fluctuations."

Infuriated, the chinaman shouts, "Well fuck you white guys, too!"

Fruitacious B · 01-15-2011, 03:24 PM

Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

vaga1220 * · 01-15-2011, 03:41 PM

Or chink.

DJ FC · 01-16-2011, 06:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fruitacious B

Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

It clearly states in the joke he is visiting. He's not American. He's a god-damned chinaman.

f3lix · 01-16-2011, 12:36 PM

DJ FC, this is not a guy who built the railroads, here, this is a guy who peed on his fucking rug.

Repugnant Abomination · 01-17-2011, 05:43 AM

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck its dick.

thekremlin · 01-21-2011, 08:28 AM

I was on the train the other day and a thai girl sat down next to me. I thought to myself, "Don't get a boner, don't get a boner." Well, she did.

I banged my head the other day and rubbed some butter all over it.

I can't believe it's not better.

My friend drinks half a liter of break fluid almost every night. I try to talk to him about it, but he swears he can stop any time he wants.

Repugnant Abomination · 01-23-2011, 01:40 PM

I told my Haitian girlfriend we had to breakup. She was crushed.

Mr. Blonde · 01-23-2011, 10:56 PM

little late on that one I think

DDTempest · 01-24-2011, 09:32 AM

I Choleraed up my Haitian girlfriend and said she made me sick.

SinisterKid · 02-28-2011, 02:43 PM

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you
marry
me?" The Princess said "NO" And the Prince lived happily ever
after and rode motorcycles and fucked skinny big titted broads and hunted And
raced cars and went to titty bars and dated women half his age and
drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and
never paid child support or alimony and ate the pussies and ass fucked
cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on
while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was
fuckin cool as hell and had tons of money in the bank and left the
toilet seat up ..... The end

SinisterKid · 03-09-2011, 12:59 PM

A teenage girl arriving home from school asks her mother, “Is it true what the teacher told us today?”
“What’s that?” the mother replied.
“That babies come from the same place that boys put their penises,” the daughter said.
“Yes it is dear,” mother said, glad that the subject had finally come up at school.
“But when I have a baby,” the girl responded, “Won’t it knock my teeth out?”

vaga1220 * · 03-26-2011, 06:55 PM

I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.”

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

angry pancake · 03-26-2011, 07:31 PM

An angel walks into a bar and approaches three men enjoying their drinks. To the first, the angel says "if you believe in me enough to give me $20, I can promise you eternal life without death."
The first guy replies "my name is mr. Blonde and I'm a militant atheist. I don't believe in angels." blonde gets up and leaves.
The second guy says "I'm jared and I'm agnostic and I'm not sure if I believe in you or not, but here's $20 just in case."
The angel approaches the third man. "I'm Joel Osteen and I saw what you did. I don't care if you're an angel or not --just show me the trick how you got $20 out of the agnostic and I'll give you fifty bucks."

Ironic Mustache · 01-17-2012, 11:45 PM

What's the difference between a lost golf ball and Lady Godiva?

A lost golf ball is a hunt on a course.

Ugly Bastard · 01-18-2012, 03:18 AM

*golf clap*

angry pancake · 01-19-2012, 10:47 PM

AP is so old he refers to cougars as younger women.

Dent · 08-27-2012, 08:25 PM

During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move..

She said "What are you doing ?"

"Hush" i told her "i've seen this on the Internet. Its called Buffering"

http://sadtrombone.com/

11-23-2010, 11:24 PM	#252 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,352 Internets: 290966	hmm... try again Blonde. I know it got upvoted at reddit but our standards are a little higher here.
	#YOLO

11-24-2010, 12:23 AM	#254 (permalink)
Mr. Blonde Spice Master Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 17,969 Internets: 284106	Cats

01-15-2011, 03:24 PM	#259 (permalink)
Fruitacious B Bokononist Join Date: May 2003 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 2,595 Internets: 11801	Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
	"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." \|vonnegut

01-15-2011, 03:41 PM	#260 (permalink)
vaga1220 * *Dislikes ham Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: HELL 666 Posts: 1,518 Internets: 60790	Or chink.
	Putting the sensual in non-consensual.

03-26-2011, 06:55 PM	#270 (permalink)
vaga1220 * *Dislikes ham Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: HELL 666 Posts: 1,518 Internets: 60790	I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name. Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.” You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
	Putting the sensual in non-consensual.

11-23-2010, 07:05 PM	#251 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	I found his relationship to the water bottle really distracting. No, I couldn't enjoy this at all.

11-24-2010, 12:22 AM	#253 (permalink)
Mr. Blonde Spice Master Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 17,969 Internets: 284106	Not judging by what you post (nothing).

11-24-2010, 10:15 AM	#255 (permalink)
thekremlin Don't call me Shirley Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: London Posts: 3,271 Internets: 220249	Knock knock Who's there? 9/11 9/11 who? YOU SAID YOUD NEVER FORGET!!!

12-17-2010, 03:28 PM	#256 (permalink)
Saint DH Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 6,147 Internets: 284753	President Obama and President Bush are sitting next to each other at a barber shop getting their haircut. They're relaxing and enjoying some presidential chit-chat with one another. The barber finishes Obama's haircut first, and, upon finishing, asks Mr. Obama if he would like a spray of some fine, sweet smelling cologne. To which Obama replies, "No thank you. If I come home smelling like that Michelle will think I've been at a French whore house all afternoon." Moments later, Bush's haircut is finished, and the barber asks him if he would like a spray of cologne. Bush replies, "Sure, Laura doesn't know what a French whore house smells like."

01-05-2011, 08:36 PM	#257 (permalink)
ninjaface Level 20 Holothetan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Space Posts: 5,245 Internets: 210144	Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, “The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind.” They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, “Do you know where we are?” “I think so,” replied the other hunter. “I think this is about the same place where we crashed last year.”

01-15-2011, 02:17 PM	#258 (permalink)
Saint DH Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 6,147 Internets: 284753	A chinaman is visiting the US. Upon his arrival he goes to the bank to exchange some of his yuan into dollars. He gives the teller about 1,000 yuan and gets about $150 in return. A few weeks later Mr. Chinaman returns to the bank to exchange some more of his currency to dollars. Again, he gives the teller 1,000 yuan, but this time he gets only $125 in return. This confuses the chinaman. He says, "Last time I here I get more." The bank teller explains, "Well sir, you see, there are fluctuations in the exchange rate." The chinaman interrupts, "What did you say?" The bank teller continues explaining, "There are fluctuations." Infuriated, the chinaman shouts, "Well fuck you white guys, too!"

01-16-2011, 12:36 PM	#262 (permalink)
f3lix Gangnam Style Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: DH's Massage Parlor Posts: 6,383 Internets: 213510	DJ FC, this is not a guy who built the railroads, here, this is a guy who peed on his fucking rug.

01-17-2011, 05:43 AM	#263 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its dick.

01-21-2011, 08:28 AM	#264 (permalink)
thekremlin Don't call me Shirley Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: London Posts: 3,271 Internets: 220249	I was on the train the other day and a thai girl sat down next to me. I thought to myself, "Don't get a boner, don't get a boner." Well, she did. I banged my head the other day and rubbed some butter all over it. I can't believe it's not better. My friend drinks half a liter of break fluid almost every night. I try to talk to him about it, but he swears he can stop any time he wants.

01-23-2011, 01:40 PM	#265 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	I told my Haitian girlfriend we had to breakup. She was crushed.

01-23-2011, 10:56 PM	#266 (permalink)
Mr. Blonde Spice Master Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 17,969 Internets: 284106	little late on that one I think

02-28-2011, 02:43 PM	#268 (permalink)
SinisterKid Hide your nieces. Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 293 Internets: 7656	Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said "NO" And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and fucked skinny big titted broads and hunted And raced cars and went to titty bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and ate the pussies and ass fucked cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was fuckin cool as hell and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up ..... The end

03-09-2011, 12:59 PM	#269 (permalink)
SinisterKid Hide your nieces. Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 293 Internets: 7656	A teenage girl arriving home from school asks her mother, “Is it true what the teacher told us today?” “What’s that?” the mother replied. “That babies come from the same place that boys put their penises,” the daughter said. “Yes it is dear,” mother said, glad that the subject had finally come up at school. “But when I have a baby,” the girl responded, “Won’t it knock my teeth out?”

03-26-2011, 07:31 PM	#271 (permalink)
angry pancake Jelqing for Jesus Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Charlotte's spare bedroom Posts: 3,079 Internets: 194538	An angel walks into a bar and approaches three men enjoying their drinks. To the first, the angel says "if you believe in me enough to give me $20, I can promise you eternal life without death." The first guy replies "my name is mr. Blonde and I'm a militant atheist. I don't believe in angels." blonde gets up and leaves. The second guy says "I'm jared and I'm agnostic and I'm not sure if I believe in you or not, but here's $20 just in case." The angel approaches the third man. "I'm Joel Osteen and I saw what you did. I don't care if you're an angel or not --just show me the trick how you got $20 out of the agnostic and I'll give you fifty bucks."

01-17-2012, 11:45 PM	#272 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	What's the difference between a lost golf ball and Lady Godiva? A lost golf ball is a hunt on a course.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

01-18-2012, 03:18 AM	#273 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	golf clap

08-27-2012, 08:25 PM	#275 (permalink)
Dent Lost in Hilbert Spice Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Surrounded by knaves and fools Posts: 3,524 Internets: 183146	During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move.. She said "What are you doing ?" "Hush" i told her "i've seen this on the Internet. Its called Buffering" http://sadtrombone.com/