35 Tidbits About Chuck Norris - Nubblies.net Forums

Ugly Bastard · 12-15-2005, 04:35 PM

1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
2. Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
3. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.
4. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris
can kill him and take it.
5. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the
speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
7. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly
after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris
roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more
that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
8. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
9. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt
the wrath of Chuck Norris.
10. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths
have increased 13,000 percent.
11. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.
12. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
13. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing."
14. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school
football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him
kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby
60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the
stadium.
15. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only
a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to
pay taxes ever.
16. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
17. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck
Norris.
18. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go
back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch
on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was
the cause of his Parkinson's disease.
19. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in
peaceful soliude. Sundays are for oral $ex, KFC and Tequila.
20. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he
didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
21. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A,
Select, Start using only his erection.
22. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn
needs to lie the f*** down.
23. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.
24. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead
requests a hand gun and a bucket.
25. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were
no survivors.
26. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to
kill you, including the room itself.
27. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
28. Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every
last unicorn in existence.
29. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of
tennis.
30. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had had $ex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he
had slept with.
31. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
32. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
33. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with
lactose's $hit.
34. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
35. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing
the Earth down.

(Stolen, of course).

-UB

12-15-2005, 04:37 PM

#34 is the best.

Mr. Blonde · 12-15-2005, 04:38 PM

http://www.nubblies.net/cgi-bin/ubb/...68;p=19#000463

Ironic Mustache · 12-15-2005, 04:41 PM

That's FANTASTIC.

Ugly Bastard · 12-15-2005, 04:41 PM

Oh I'm well aware J-money posted it. I just thought it was so good that it deserved to be copy-pasted out and put in it's own thread for discussion.

-UB

Mr. Blonde · 12-15-2005, 04:43 PM

You should have done it last week when we had almost every one posted in the sexbox, then. And I have my doubts to whether you were aware he posted it, seeing as how I just told you.

theMerciless1 · 12-15-2005, 04:43 PM

18. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go
back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch
on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was
the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

19. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in
peaceful soliude. Sundays are for oral $ex, KFC and Tequila.

Ugly Bastard · 12-15-2005, 04:45 PM

Before Blonde made his first post in this thread, he sent me an IM saying:

Filthy manwhore: you're about to get owned.

I love how, in his mind, being a repost nazi is "owning" someone. I'm still waiting for Blonde to actually own someone. Wait for it. WAIT FOR IT. WAIT FOR IT!!!

-UB

12-15-2005, 04:47 PM

#36 Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

Ugly Bastard · 12-15-2005, 04:48 PM

#7 is my favorite.

-UB

Deadly Crescent Kick · 12-15-2005, 06:24 PM

21. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A,
Select, Start using only his erection.

angry pancake · 12-15-2005, 06:27 PM

37. Chuck Norris is so fat . . . .he uses hula hoops to hold his socks up.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 12-15-2005, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ugly Bastard:
Before Blonde made his first post in this thread, he sent me an IM saying:

Sam Bullard: you're about to get owned.

I love how, in his mind, being a repost nazi is "owning" someone. I'm still waiting for Blonde to actually own someone. Wait for it. WAIT FOR IT. WAIT FOR IT!!!

-UB

Youre just lucky you didn't have any spelling errors, or you'd be fucked.

fat_retard · 12-15-2005, 09:52 PM

There are Vin Diesel and Bog Sagget random fact generators as well. The Vin Diesel one is by far the funniest. http://www.4q.cc/vin/

I guess there is a Mr. T one too now.
http://www.4q.cc/t/

[ December 15, 2005, 07:12 PM: Message edited by: fat_retard ]

MAGICLIT · 12-15-2005, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by THEINCREDIBLEdork:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Ugly Bastard:
Before Blonde made his first post in this thread, he sent me an IM saying:

Sam Bullard: you're about to get owned.

I love how, in his mind, being a repost nazi is "owning" someone. I'm still waiting for Blonde to actually own someone. Wait for it. WAIT FOR IT. WAIT FOR IT!!!

-UB

Youre just lucky you didn't have any spelling errors, or you'd be fucked.</font>[/quote]
He is right you know.

I loved this one:
24. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead
requests a hand gun and a bucket.

j money · 12-16-2005, 12:02 AM

OMG UB I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REPOSTED THIS GREAT WEBSITE OMG YOURE AN ASSHOLE
1. Once plugged into the Matrix, it took Chuck Norris 6 minutes to do what it took Neo 3 movies to accomplish. He also beat Super Mario Bros in under 60 seconds while he was there.

2. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

3. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

4. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

5. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Cocktooth · 12-16-2005, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Wait for it. WAIT FOR IT. WAIT FOR IT!!!

-UB[/QB]

ummm....is that a peter griffin quote?!?! I THINK IT IS!!

Ugly Bastard · 12-16-2005, 01:31 AM

Yea I'm pretty sure it is!

-UB

12-15-2005, 04:37 PM	#2 (permalink)
DJ FC Guest Posts: n/a	#34 is the best.
DJ FC Guest Posts: n/a

12-15-2005, 04:38 PM	#3 (permalink)
Mr. Blonde Spice Master Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 17,969 Internets: 284106	http://www.nubblies.net/cgi-bin/ubb/...68;p=19#000463
	Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing. ― Terence McKenna

12-15-2005, 04:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	That's FANTASTIC.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

12-15-2005, 04:43 PM	#6 (permalink)
Mr. Blonde Spice Master Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 17,969 Internets: 284106	You should have done it last week when we had almost every one posted in the sexbox, then. And I have my doubts to whether you were aware he posted it, seeing as how I just told you.
	Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing. ― Terence McKenna

12-15-2005, 04:43 PM	#7 (permalink)
theMerciless1 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: ming\'s palace Posts: 1,495 Internets: 412	18. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease. 19. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful soliude. Sundays are for oral $ex, KFC and Tequila.
	i who have nothing but the comfort of my sins

12-15-2005, 04:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. 2. Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. 3. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. 4. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. 5. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. 6. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 7. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. 8. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. 9. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris. 10. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. 11. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 12. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. 13. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F*ing." 14. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. 15. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. 16. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. 17. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris. 18. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease. 19. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful soliude. Sundays are for oral $ex, KFC and Tequila. 20. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust. 21. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection. 22. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f* down. 23. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. 24. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. 25. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors. 26. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. 27. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. 28. Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence. 29. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. 30. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had $ex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with. 31. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. 32. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. 33. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's $hit. 34. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. 35. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. (Stolen, of course). -UB

12-15-2005, 04:41 PM	#5 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	Oh I'm well aware J-money posted it. I just thought it was so good that it deserved to be copy-pasted out and put in it's own thread for discussion. -UB

12-15-2005, 04:45 PM	#8 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	Before Blonde made his first post in this thread, he sent me an IM saying: Filthy manwhore: you're about to get owned. I love how, in his mind, being a repost nazi is "owning" someone. I'm still waiting for Blonde to actually own someone. Wait for it. WAIT FOR IT. WAIT FOR IT!!! -UB
	Last edited by Ugly Bastard; 02-08-2013 at 01:10 PM.

12-15-2005, 04:47 PM	#9 (permalink)
DJ FC Guest Posts: n/a	#36 Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.
DJ FC Guest Posts: n/a

12-15-2005, 04:48 PM	#10 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	#7 is my favorite. -UB

12-15-2005, 06:24 PM	#11 (permalink)
Deadly Crescent Kick NJ, Toilet Bowl of USA Join Date: May 2005 Location: secret ninja lair Posts: 1,106 Internets: 10	21. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
	the poster formerly known as-Andy Kaufman NHB Intergender Champion jiu-jitsu isn't the hardass frat guy yelling at you to funnel a beer. its the laid back guy in the corner workin' on 2 chicks.

12-15-2005, 09:52 PM	#14 (permalink)
fat_retard Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: a house Posts: 664 Internets: 10	There are Vin Diesel and Bog Sagget random fact generators as well. The Vin Diesel one is by far the funniest. http://www.4q.cc/vin/ I guess there is a Mr. T one too now. http://www.4q.cc/t/ [ December 15, 2005, 07:12 PM: Message edited by: fat_retard ]

12-16-2005, 12:02 AM	#16 (permalink)
j money Long Live Dixie Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 170 Internets: 47190	OMG UB I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REPOSTED THIS GREAT WEBSITE OMG YOURE AN ASSHOLE 1. Once plugged into the Matrix, it took Chuck Norris 6 minutes to do what it took Neo 3 movies to accomplish. He also beat Super Mario Bros in under 60 seconds while he was there. 2. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 3. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. 4. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. 5. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

12-16-2005, 01:31 AM	#18 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	Yea I'm pretty sure it is! -UB