WWOD?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>After raping a particular female, she informs you that she has scabies...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This is a tricky scenario that calls for Orgazmo's super pirate knowledge to come into play. As we all know, Scabies is an itchy condition of the skin caused by a mite, Sarcoptes scabiei to be specific. Perhaps something that we don't all know is the fact that the mite that causes Scabies is deathy terrified of murder. In order to scare the Scabies mites out of himself, Orgazmo would be forced to murder all of the women in the village. Each murder would force more and more of the mites to vacate Orgazmo's skin, eventually (with enough bloodshed) leaving him completely cured of the ailment.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Your going though the desert and your dying of thirst...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh Demitri, you seem to have not taken Orgazmo's piratous survival skills into account whilst crafting your scenario. He is aware of many things that the common man would never consider. With that in mind, the two options that you gave were not plausible. Having sex with the woman would not be an option, as Orgazmo would not waste valuable energy on frivolous ejaculation. What Orgazmo WOULD do is the following:
<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
<LI>Orgazmo would initially seek a large tree from which shade would be pillaged
<LI>Once under the tree, conserving energy, Orgazmo would use his binoculars (which he always carries with him) in an attempt to find a swarm of insects
<LI>With a steady pace, Orgazmo would venture to the sworm, knowing that insects instinctually go toward water
<LI>Once he reached the water, Orgazmo would fill his h2o-fueled jet pack and propel out of the desert.[/list]Of course, after he was out of harm's way, Orgazmo would go to a local restaurant where he would pillage water (for drinking this time).

[This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited January 06, 2003).]

This isn't so much a 'get out of peril' question as much as it just open ended...

What would Orgazmo do if he work up with a vagina?

woke, I presume.

There are a lot of variables here...

Is the vagina on my forearm?

Do I still have my penis?

How used is it?

I'm going to officially ask for scenario clarification before I proceed in my answer.

[Ugly Bastard]

And allow me to give you that classification, as I will not be able to wait for pliedes to post on here before I hear Orgazmo's answer to this question:

Say you wake up, and you entire male-genitalia system is gone, and has been replaced by a female-genitalia system.

You look exactly the same all over, except for the fact that in the area usually covered by brief underwear; you are now a woman.

How would you handle this situation.

(Keep in mind, nobody would ever really know you were a woman unless you were naked in front of them, or you told them)

-Ugly Bastard

In this situation, there really is only one solid course of action to take. Orgazmo have to go to the reconstructive surgeon...and request breasts. He would also need some fuller lips and longer hair so that he could go on living as a woman. He didn't wake up with the vagina for no reason a'tall. It was a sign, and Orgazmo doesn't miss signs.

[ninjaface]

Ok. One day, you are walking around downtown, minding your own business. When suddenly, you feel something hit you in the back of the head and you are knocked unconcious. You regain conciousness several hours later, and you are very cold. You find yourself in a 20ft by 20ft meat locker. The door is solid steel and is 2 inches thick and is securely locked from the outside. The walls are made of 2 inch thick aluminum with cinder block walls behind them.

The people who kidnapped you are waiting outside the door. 2 of them are equipped with a pistol. They are watching your every move on a monitor thats connected to a camera in the top corner of the room. They want to watch you die.

You are trapped. Whats worse, is you will freeze to death in under 20 minutes. They took your wallet and anything else on you that could be used to escape. The only other things in the room are the camera, an old wooden shelf unit about 3 ft wide and 4 ft tall. On the shelf is a package of 200 small rubber bands , a zippo lighter with no lighter fluid, 3 plastic wal-mart bags, a copy of Ernest Goes to Hell on dvd, and a metal butter knife.

You must escape in under 20 minutes and not be killed by the guys waiting outside with the guns.

WWOD?

[This message has been edited by ninjaface (edited January 11, 2003).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You're cold and in am eat locker with gun-toting fuckers outside...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Working with understandable haste, Orgazmo would begin by dismantling the camera from the ceiling (using the wooden shelf unit to add height if necessary). After removing it from its fixture, he would take off the battery. With their sight of the victim gone, the assailants would have no idea what was going on inside the locker...this is important for what is about to happen.

With the camcorder battery in hand, Orgazmo would grab the 3 walmart bags and the zippo lighter as he headed to the door. The battery would be enveloped by the 3 bags and the zippo would be used to create a spark. Because of the nature of the bags, a spark would be sufficiant to begin their melting and, eventually, the bags would be melted atop the battery. Whilst in the prime of its melting, the DVD sleeve from the Ernest Goes To Hell case would be used to create flame (and further heat/melt the camcorder battery). Hearing a slight bubbling noise, Orgazmo would retreat to the back corner of the locker, as far away from the battery as possible. Of course, an explosion of reasonable magnitude would ensue.

Because the door is crafted of 2" thick steel, the blast would put a small dent in it...but it would rouse curiosity from the 2 perpetrators. One of them would most likely come in to investigate whilst the other stayed outside just incase something went awry. After the first opened the door, Orgazmo's risk of freezing would be completely eliminated...which is always good to know.

Now, because Orgazmo is a pirate, man to man combat is no problem. Although the man coming into the locker has a pistol, Orgazmo would simply brandish the butter knife.

As the door is opened, Orgazmo would be standing, knife in hand, in the far corner on whatever side the hinges of the door are on. As the man swung the door open, his instincts would lead him to quickly inspect the area that he can first see...which would be the side of the locker that doesn't hold Orgazmo. While giving it a quick once over, the man would be obvlivious to the pirate in the corner. His first glimpse of Orgazmo would be out of the corner of his eye, the movement of Orgazmo throwing the butter knife at a stunning speed into the man's ear ()because this is what is facing Orgazmo)...causing immediate death.

Quickly, Orgazmo would rush to the man and get his pistol. From here on out, escape is a cakewalk. Orgazmo would open the door in such a way that a void exists @ the door's hinge. He would use this open area to shoot the other man who is standing guard. Orgazmo is free.

[This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited January 12, 2003).]

[ninjaface]

I must say... i am quite impressed. No way in hell could i have come up with that. Your solution more than surpassed my expectations. nice work

Thanks, ninjaface. To be honest, Orgazmo was a little disappointed with hist response. Although the picture you painted was plausible, the exploding battery probably was not. He appreciates your compliments, though.

[dArkNeSsFallZ]

u guyz are wylin somethin seriouse lol...i think im finally home

------------------
in the land of the killers,a siners mind is a sanctum

[StabMaster Arson]

I'd have to disagree.

[Ugly Bastard]

Scenario:

Orgazmo is employed at the local morgue. He is working late one night, when he falls, hits his head, and is rendered unconscious.

The County Coroner comes into the Morgue to find the body lying on the ground. There is blood around it, and the slightly-intoxicated man assumes that the body he sees, is a dead body that Orgazmo somehow failed to put into the "Vault". Discustedly, he picks up the un-recognizable body (due to the blood on the face), and throws it in one of those "Metal Boxes" that they store the bodies in (like what you see on Men in Black).

Orgazmo is now locked in a metal vault. The vault is only openable from the inside by compressing a button that is located exactly one foot above his left foot. Unfortunetly for Orgazmo, he can only lift his left foot within two inches of this button. He cannot bend his knees, but he can reach in his pockets. In his pockets are the following items:

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
<LI> A Swiss Army Knife
<LI> An ink pen
<LI> A key-chain that has three standard keys on it, and a Marsh Card
<LI> A small rubber-bouncy ball
<LI> An un-opened condomn
<LI> A lighter
<LI> A shoe-string (it broke off of his shoe that day, and he put it in his pocket)[/list]
The county coroner will be back in 16 hours. You have exactly 14 hours to live....thus meaning you will have been dead for 2 hours by the time he gets there to finish cleaning up what he thinks is a dead body.

You have now-regained consciousness, and the clock is ticking.

WWOD?

-Ugly Bastard

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Orgazmo is Dylan from the hit short story "The Morgue"...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This one really is too simple. Orgazmo would calmly reach into his pocket to retrieve the unopened condom. With a small amount of haste, the condom would be opened and the bouncy ball would be inserted to the end. The ink pen would be put in after this to form the "backbone" of the condom. It would extend from the tip downward (laying behind the bouncy ball). The lighter would go in after this underneath the bouncy ball to add a bit of height. Finally, the marsh card would be flexed and inserted into the base of the condom, thus assuring that the outer ring would not collapse.

With the device crafted, Orgazmo would use the shoelace to form a lasso around the base (where the Marsh card is) of the condom. Since the device was crafted in under 10 minutes, Orgazmo now has a good 13 hours to lasso the condom onto his left big toe. After the deed was done, the right foot would be used to pull the condom down securely. When this is done, the extension upon the toe will easily allow access to the button that was previously 2" out of reach.

[This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited January 20, 2003).]

[vader521]

dating a kid on the bball teams sister

wwod

vader, i really think you should probaly elaborate first. There are many examples of how to prepare a scenario for this topic, please read them and follow suit. Thanks.

[Titan]

i'll tell you wtwd.

KNOCK THE BITCH UP... SIDE THE HEAD!

heh heh heh...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>dating a kid on the bball teams sister<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Orgazmo would make sure to have sex with her as many times as possible in a 24-hour period. Period.

Let's say you (Orgazmo) were out partying one Saturday night. During the party you become extremely intoxicated. You really have no idea as to what you are doing. You're what most people would call shit-faced.

After the hardcore partying, you return to your home. After waking up in the morning with a rather large hangover, you look to your side to see another man laying next to you. You have no idea what happend, but you can only assume that you did the nasty; however, this is only speculation, as you cannot remember a thing from last night.

WWOD?

[This message has been edited by 50 Cent (edited January 22, 2003).]

Orgazmo's options are few. In this situation, haste would be utilized. The man would immediately taste Orgazmo's blade, making sure that he did not tell anyone of anything that could or could not have happened. After this, Orgazmo would perform a self-analysis. He would inspect his penis for shit and his asshole for semen. If either cases produced a homosexual result, he would perform Seppuku.

[Titan]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

FUCKING SEPPUKU!!!
I LOVE THE SEPPUKU!!!

Sorry, I'm okay now... did you know that that main ninjawebmaster almost got (or did get) sued for that part specifically?

Some mom was threatening to sue him 'cuz her kid actually fucking TRIED TO SWALLOW A FRISBEE.

Let me tell you something kids, if her son is that dumb, he deserves to seppuku himself.

Yeah I did hear of that, he did get sued by that bitch of a mother. He won though, and his site remains up.

[Ugly Bastard]

Orgazmo is riding in a 767 Jet from Indianapolis to Los Angeles, today. Along the way, three bronze-skinned men stand up, pull out small pistols, and say that they are high-jacking the plane.

Orgazmo sits patiently, just letting the chips fall where they may; until it becomes apparant to him, that the three men intend to crash the plane into San Diego's football stadium, the exact stadium that over 80,000 people are in right now.

Orgazmo is equipted with the following:

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
<LI>A wrench
<LI>Two eager and willing 'heros', who will do anything Orgazmo tells them to
<LI>A bunge cord
<LI>White Duct Tape
<LI>A laptop computer
<LI>Three business ties
<LI>Two "Super Balls" (not testicles, pervert.....those $.25 bouncy balls)
<LI>A blow-drier
<LI>A Discman
<LI>35 CDs
<LI>Easy access to that drink-cart that they push down the ailse, that blocks up the entire ailse[/list]
Two of the three bastards are in the cock-pit, busy flying the plane.

The other one is standing outside the cockpit guarding it. All three men have small pistols, it would take more than one shot to kill a man with these pistols, unless they were to hit you anywhere in the face.

The plane will be lying on the ground, crashed into the stadium, having killed over 80,000 people, including those on the plane.....including Orgazmo; in 24 minutes.

WWOD?

-Ugly Bastard

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Orgazmo takes on three crazy arabs...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A small amount of difficulty, that is what is presented to Orgazmo whilst deciphering the correct course of action to defuse the timebomb that is this situation. Firstly, Orgazmo would like to point out that he's pissed off. Orgazmo is pissed off that you gave him two Dickler Stiff Pipes. Orgazmo can work alone, thank you very fucking much. But...if he has the DSP's, he might as well use them.

Because there are only 1440 ticks left before the plane touches flesh, Orgazmo draws up a plan in a hasty fashion. To take care of the first bandit, Orgazmo would make contact with DSP #1. He would give this man the laptop to use as a face shield (to ensure that, if shot, he would not be killed) and then Orgamzo would slowly and silently climb into the lower portion of the big ass cart. With the Arabian terror's back turned, the DSP would push the cart toward him fiercly, screaming out in a crazy tongue. The DSP would turn around, not knowing what to think. His first action would be to fire upon the cart, but it would be in a proximity that would only allow his bullets to ricochet off the top (leaving Orgazmo fine on the bottom shelf). As the cart makes contact with the terrorist, Orgazmo would utilize the wrench that he is, of course, carrying. The contact would send the terrorist into the air, eventually onto his back. With cat-like agility, Orgazmo would pounce and strike the man's gun-toting hand with the wrench, shattering the bones. With this, the gun would be taken and the man would be bound with the white duct tape (this would be done by DSP #2).

Immediately after this, knowing that DSP #1's crazy screams would worry the other terrorists, Orgazmo would pull the bungee cord from his pocket and head for the cockpit door. He would attack one end of the bungee to the door and the other to a solid object outside (making the bungee stretched to capacity). Because the door opens inward, the single terrorist that is sent to investigate would not be able to get out. He would pull with all of his might a few times before realizing that he's going to have to put more effort into it. The terrorist would then place both feet to the side of the door to use the wall as leverage. Sensing this, Orgazmo would cut the bungee whilst such was happening, sending the terrorist onto his neck and back into the cockpit, a bit disoriented. Orgazmo would use this opportunity to rush in and shoot the terrorist pilot in the back of the neck. In his rushing in, he would make sure to step on the gun of the door-opening terrorist, to ensure that it is not used against Orgazmo. DSP #1 would be summoned to bound door-opening terrorist while DSP #2 would be told to clean up the mess that used to be pilot-terrorist. After this, Orgazmo would use his pirate pilot ability to fly the plane to the nearest airport.

[Ugly Bastard]

Beauty

-Ugly Bastard