Joke of the Day - Page 8 - Nubblies.net Forums

Ironic Mustache · 02-17-2005, 04:25 PM

What's the best part about fucking twenty nine year olds?

There are twenty of them.

ninjaface · 02-26-2005, 02:20 PM

How do you piss off a female archeologist?

Show her a used tampon and ask her what period its from.

Ugly Bastard · 02-26-2005, 06:12 PM

This is stolen straight from Orgazmo, who stole it straight from Maxim:

A lonely woman puts an ad in the personals section of her newspaper. She says she's looking for a man who "won't beat her, won't run away from her, and is great in bed".

After a few weeks with no replies to her ad, the woman is becoming discouraged. Then finally one afternoon, her doorbell rings. She answers her door and sees a man with no arms and no legs resting on her porch. The man says, "hi, I'm here to respond to the personal ad you put in the newspaper". The woman, quite disappointed, replies, "hmm, well that's awfully kind of you, but I'm afraid I didn't really have a guy like you in mind".

The man is not discouraged by this as he says "well I don't have any arms, so I can't beat you, and I don't have any legs, so I can't run from you...so what's the problem, ma'am?". The woman replies, "well, you have to be great in bed as well". The man says, "well I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

-Ugly Bastard

underwater · 02-28-2005, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ironic Mustache:
What's the best part about fucking twenty nine year olds?

There are twenty of them.

i told this joke at work today, and everybody thought it was fucking hilarious. then i told them that if they liked that, they should visit nubblies.net

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 02-28-2005, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ugly Bastard:
Orgazmo-

Grand fucking joke! [img]smile.gif[/img]

But what may be better than the joke, is the fact that you have passed the 500 Post Milestone.

Congratulations on this achievment.....something I'm sure we all hope to accomplish someday.

-Ugly Bastard

StrikingOblivion · 03-01-2005, 01:55 AM

Q-How do you know Adam & Eve were not black?

A-Have you ever heard of a nigger giving up a rib?

Mr. Blonde · 05-02-2005, 06:27 PM

What do you call a black man who flies a plane for a living?

A pilot, you fucking racist.

Ironic Mustache · 05-02-2005, 06:46 PM

A woman is at the checkout lin in a grocery store with one toothbrush, one apple, one TV dinner and one bar of soap. The clerk says, "oh you must be single," to which the woman replies, "You're right, how'd you know?"

"Because you're fucking ugly."

Repugnant Abomination · 05-02-2005, 06:55 PM

Saint DH · 08-22-2005, 04:40 PM

What do you do if your dishwasher breaks?

Divorce the bitch.

There is this 17 year old girl who wants to borrow her father's car for the night. So she asks him if she can use the car. The father replies, "I'll let you, but you have to give me a blowjob first."

The girl really doesn't want to suck her father's cock, but he holds firm with his offer, she either sucks his dick, or she doesn't get the car. So the girl gets down on her knees and gets ready to put his dick in her mouth when she stops and says, "Eww Dad, your dick smells like shit!"

Her father replies, "Ohhh yeah, your brother has the car."

[ August 22, 2005, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: Dirty Harry ]

09-28-2005, 10:20 PM

The band "The Animals" apologised to their fans yesterday, as it seems there is no house in New Orleans.

Mr. Blonde · 09-28-2005, 10:37 PM

Niger Angelus · 10-26-2005, 05:07 AM

A kid walks into the bathroom and catches his dad putting on a condom.
The kid asks, 'Dad, what are you doing?'
'I am trying to catch a mouse'
the kid replies, 'What are you gonna do when you catch it, fuck it?'

A guy gets a call from the hospital. His wife was in a terrible car accident. He gets to the hostipal and the doctor says, 'I am sorry, I have bad news. Your wife is paralyzed. You will have to bathe her, feed her, change her...'
'O no, that is terrible'
'Ah, I am just fucking with you... she's dead.'

angry pancake · 10-26-2005, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ugly Bastard:
The Perfect Day

The Perfect Day - Her
* * * * * * * * *
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero

-Ugly Bastard

I can't let this go.

WTF is up with a 1963 Lafite? That mother fucker has been dead since around 1966 even in a 1.5 liter form. Did you mean 1961? the left bank bordeaux vintage of the century (at the time or maybe since at least 1945). Maybe you mean 1982? nah those still haven't come around yet. Like the 1986, the 1982 may never fully evolve from tannin juice.

Never heard of the Louis XII either. Is that the second label of Remy Martin's Louis XIII? Maybe it's like the fake watches that say 'rolux' on them.

If you am going to fantacize, do it correctly.

[ October 26, 2005, 07:30 PM: Message edited by: angry pancake ]

Carnivorous Flavor · 10-26-2005, 09:37 PM

pwn3d!11onewon

Repugnant Abomination · 10-26-2005, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Niger Angelus:

A guy gets a call from the hospital. His wife was in a terrible car accident. He gets to the hostipal and the doctor says, 'I am sorry, I have bad news. Your wife is paralyzed. You will have to bathe her, feed her, change her...'
'O no, that is terrible'
'Ah, I am just fucking with you... she's dead.'

That's from family guy.

Orgazmo · 10-26-2005, 09:57 PM

Ya...and Family Guy actually stole it from the very first post in this thread.

Ironic Mustache · 01-17-2006, 05:09 PM

What do you get when you cross a black guy and a gorilla?

A retarded gorilla.

Ugly Bastard · 04-08-2006, 01:57 AM

Q: What do you call the Flintstone's if they were black?

A: NIGGERS!

Lingo Platter told me that.

Orgazmo · 04-08-2006, 09:11 AM

If I had a microphone, I'd upload Ugly Bastard's rendition of that joke as saved in my voicemail. It really is something else.

04-08-2006, 12:08 PM

This is an old one:

A doctor is delivering a baby for a pregnant woman. The husband, wife, and a few nurses are all watching anxiously as the little baby comes out and the doctor takes it into his hands. But they watch in horror as the doctor suddenly drops the baby (head first) onto the tile floor. The doctor then picks the baby up, and swings it around the delivery room by its umbilical cord, finally letting it fly into a wall. To add insult to injury, the doctor takes the baby (which must certainly be dead by now) and begins to stomp on it with his foot.

Everybody is horrified. The doctor finally looks at the mother, with a big grin on his face and exclaims "Got ya! Hahahaha! I was just kidding, the baby was stillborn"

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 04-08-2006, 05:52 PM

that joke is overtold, you suck

vaga1220 * · 04-08-2006, 10:20 PM

What's the difference between a nigger and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of 4.

Orgazmo · 04-09-2006, 03:17 AM

And a nigger doesn't get cut up by a z pizza sliicer ever.

Ironic Mustache · 04-15-2006, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orgazmo

And a nigger doesn't get cut up by a z pizza sliicer ever.

That doesn't make it right.

02-17-2005, 04:25 PM	#176 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	What's the best part about fucking twenty nine year olds? There are twenty of them.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

03-01-2005, 01:55 AM	#181 (permalink)
StrikingOblivion Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Chicago, IL. & Indiana University Posts: 36 Internets: 10	Q-How do you know Adam & Eve were not black? A-Have you ever heard of a nigger giving up a rib?
	"From the glass lined tanks of OLD LATROBE We tender this premium beer for your enjoyment, as a tribute to your good taste. It comes from the mountain springs to you."

05-02-2005, 06:27 PM	#182 (permalink)
Mr. Blonde Spice Master Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 17,969 Internets: 284106	What do you call a black man who flies a plane for a living? A pilot, you fucking racist.
	Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing. ― Terence McKenna

05-02-2005, 06:46 PM	#183 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	A woman is at the checkout lin in a grocery store with one toothbrush, one apple, one TV dinner and one bar of soap. The clerk says, "oh you must be single," to which the woman replies, "You're right, how'd you know?" "Because you're fucking ugly."
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

05-02-2005, 06:55 PM	#184 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	LOL

02-26-2005, 02:20 PM	#177 (permalink)
ninjaface Level 20 Holothetan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Space Posts: 5,245 Internets: 210144	How do you piss off a female archeologist? Show her a used tampon and ask her what period its from.

02-26-2005, 06:12 PM	#178 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	This is stolen straight from Orgazmo, who stole it straight from Maxim: A lonely woman puts an ad in the personals section of her newspaper. She says she's looking for a man who "won't beat her, won't run away from her, and is great in bed". After a few weeks with no replies to her ad, the woman is becoming discouraged. Then finally one afternoon, her doorbell rings. She answers her door and sees a man with no arms and no legs resting on her porch. The man says, "hi, I'm here to respond to the personal ad you put in the newspaper". The woman, quite disappointed, replies, "hmm, well that's awfully kind of you, but I'm afraid I didn't really have a guy like you in mind". The man is not discouraged by this as he says "well I don't have any arms, so I can't beat you, and I don't have any legs, so I can't run from you...so what's the problem, ma'am?". The woman replies, "well, you have to be great in bed as well". The man says, "well I rang the doorbell didn't I?" -Ugly Bastard

08-22-2005, 04:40 PM	#185 (permalink)
Saint DH Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 6,149 Internets: 284753	What do you do if your dishwasher breaks? Divorce the bitch. There is this 17 year old girl who wants to borrow her father's car for the night. So she asks him if she can use the car. The father replies, "I'll let you, but you have to give me a blowjob first." The girl really doesn't want to suck her father's cock, but he holds firm with his offer, she either sucks his dick, or she doesn't get the car. So the girl gets down on her knees and gets ready to put his dick in her mouth when she stops and says, "Eww Dad, your dick smells like shit!" Her father replies, "Ohhh yeah, your brother has the car." [ August 22, 2005, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: Dirty Harry ]

09-28-2005, 10:20 PM	#186 (permalink)
DJ FC Guest Posts: n/a	The band "The Animals" apologised to their fans yesterday, as it seems there is no house in New Orleans.
DJ FC Guest Posts: n/a

09-28-2005, 10:37 PM	#187 (permalink)
Mr. Blonde Spice Master Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 17,969 Internets: 284106	ha
	Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing. ― Terence McKenna

10-26-2005, 05:07 AM	#188 (permalink)
Niger Angelus We still believe. Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 4,697 Internets: 216	A kid walks into the bathroom and catches his dad putting on a condom. The kid asks, 'Dad, what are you doing?' 'I am trying to catch a mouse' the kid replies, 'What are you gonna do when you catch it, fuck it?' A guy gets a call from the hospital. His wife was in a terrible car accident. He gets to the hostipal and the doctor says, 'I am sorry, I have bad news. Your wife is paralyzed. You will have to bathe her, feed her, change her...' 'O no, that is terrible' 'Ah, I am just fucking with you... she's dead.'
	I enjoy knives and fire.

10-26-2005, 09:37 PM	#190 (permalink)
Carnivorous Flavor Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: tracking schroeder Posts: 703 Internets: 10	pwn3d!11onewon
	i'm the sinful stench that wafts through nostrils of the righteous....

10-26-2005, 09:57 PM	#192 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,732 Internets: 311447	Ya...and Family Guy actually stole it from the very first post in this thread.

01-17-2006, 05:09 PM	#193 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	What do you get when you cross a black guy and a gorilla? A retarded gorilla.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

04-08-2006, 01:57 AM	#194 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	Q: What do you call the Flintstone's if they were black? A: NIGGERS! Lingo Platter told me that.

04-08-2006, 09:11 AM	#195 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,732 Internets: 311447	If I had a microphone, I'd upload Ugly Bastard's rendition of that joke as saved in my voicemail. It really is something else.

04-08-2006, 12:08 PM	#196 (permalink)
DJ FC Guest Posts: n/a	This is an old one: A doctor is delivering a baby for a pregnant woman. The husband, wife, and a few nurses are all watching anxiously as the little baby comes out and the doctor takes it into his hands. But they watch in horror as the doctor suddenly drops the baby (head first) onto the tile floor. The doctor then picks the baby up, and swings it around the delivery room by its umbilical cord, finally letting it fly into a wall. To add insult to injury, the doctor takes the baby (which must certainly be dead by now) and begins to stomp on it with his foot. Everybody is horrified. The doctor finally looks at the mother, with a big grin on his face and exclaims "Got ya! Hahahaha! I was just kidding, the baby was stillborn"
DJ FC Guest Posts: n/a

04-08-2006, 05:52 PM	#197 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,352 Internets: 290966	that joke is overtold, you suck
	#YOLO

04-08-2006, 10:20 PM	#198 (permalink)
vaga1220 * *Dislikes ham Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: HELL 666 Posts: 1,518 Internets: 60790	What's the difference between a nigger and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of 4.
	Putting the sensual in non-consensual.

04-09-2006, 03:17 AM	#199 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,732 Internets: 311447	And a nigger doesn't get cut up by a z pizza sliicer ever.