I don't think this is what you're talking about BDH, but I started typing some things and this is what came out...
I'm scared of failing. I do worry about the future from time to time. One of my biggest fears is doing nothing with my life. College has been really stressful. That's mainly my fault. Ever since I started college I've been scared that if I fuck up, I will end up wasting alot of my life and accomplish nothing. Right now, I'm well on my way to accomplishing absolutely jack shit. Next year there will be some changes made. I've sorta surrounded myself with negativity this year, and alot of that should be gone next year. Looking back on this year, I fucked up. I'm really disappointed with myself. I could have worked alot harder, and done alot better. I mean, it's not like I'm flunking out or even close to flunking out, but I know I could have done so much better, and that's frusterating. A couple classes are extremely hard, and when I do the work, and still get shitty grades, it agravates the hell outta me. Therefore I usually say 'fuck it' and stop doing the work, which inevitably fucks me even more. Oh well. Next year right? Let's hope so. As I sit here and say things'll be different, I'm not studying for my Natural Resources final that is tomorrow...Oh well...Perhaps I'm just destined to be a waste of fucking space...You know, there have been several times when I have thought back about high school. Yeah, alot of it sucked dick, but there were some great times and it was so fucking easy. I never did shit and made honor roll, I guess college has been a big wake up call. I am thankful for the rapidly approaching summer vacation. That will do me alot of good, and I'll be recharged and ready next fall to kick some serious ass in the classroom.
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