Are you scared?

[BigDongedHoe]

Do any of you ever worry about the future? I've always been a firm believer that what is supposed to happen will happen in terms of the future. While right now I am happy and content in life I still have periods where I sit here and think about the past (high school and beyond) and get sad and scared. I am 19 years old now and for most of you 20 is fastly approaching. At the time this site started I was 16 years old a Junior in high school and everything was set. There was the girlfriend, my best friends, high school tennis, and not giving a shit about school. Everything was so fucking easy then, it is funny because then I could give a shit less about how my life would be, but now I think about it all the time.

You know The Ataris song "In This Diary" where it says "being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up" and sometimes I can't agree more. I love being older and the wisdom I've gained but I still kind of miss the innocence and simplicity of high school and the mid-teen years. It scares me to think 5 years from now I may not have any of the same friends I have now, and it also scares me to think about what I'll be doing. The "Real World" is approaching that I know, but am I ready for it? I would answer yes, but that doesn't mean I don't miss things in my past.

I know some of you in high school constantly bitch about how bad it is and how you "can't wait to get out of there." Hell, I did the same exact same thing, but it wasn't truly how I felt. It's almost cliche to jump on that bandwagon. College is fun (yes even Grace at times), but it is also work and I would advise you to not be in such a rush to grow up. Enjoy the simplicity of your life and school now because it will be gone in a blink of the eye.

I know this was a bunch of ranting but when "The Ataris" song played on my winamp it brought back a rush of memories. Overall there are things I miss about the past (I think it's that way for everyone), but I'm content with where I am at now and excited to see what the future will bring. I'm still young, and learning in the process of life. I'm just glad that some of the friends I have from high school still remain strong now. We only have 3 more summers off (unless your an education major) so lets chill and make this one helluva summer, life always seems to be best then.

[Niger Angelus]

Yes, yes, yes. I can't agree more with what you are saying. Also, I live these years for you. Being, don't base anything you are going to do off of someone else. Don't ever sell yourself short for anyone because you're the only one with your best interest in mind. Trust me. Find what you want and go for it. Or else you will be treading water in a seemingly deeper water.

But the summer is fast approaching and the chances for some really good times are gonna be there. It is going to be grand...

[Saint DH]

I don't think this is what you're talking about BDH, but I started typing some things and this is what came out...

I'm scared of failing. I do worry about the future from time to time. One of my biggest fears is doing nothing with my life. College has been really stressful. That's mainly my fault. Ever since I started college I've been scared that if I fuck up, I will end up wasting alot of my life and accomplish nothing. Right now, I'm well on my way to accomplishing absolutely jack shit. Next year there will be some changes made. I've sorta surrounded myself with negativity this year, and alot of that should be gone next year. Looking back on this year, I fucked up. I'm really disappointed with myself. I could have worked alot harder, and done alot better. I mean, it's not like I'm flunking out or even close to flunking out, but I know I could have done so much better, and that's frusterating. A couple classes are extremely hard, and when I do the work, and still get shitty grades, it agravates the hell outta me. Therefore I usually say 'fuck it' and stop doing the work, which inevitably fucks me even more. Oh well. Next year right? Let's hope so. As I sit here and say things'll be different, I'm not studying for my Natural Resources final that is tomorrow...Oh well...Perhaps I'm just destined to be a waste of fucking space...You know, there have been several times when I have thought back about high school. Yeah, alot of it sucked dick, but there were some great times and it was so fucking easy. I never did shit and made honor roll, I guess college has been a big wake up call. I am thankful for the rapidly approaching summer vacation. That will do me alot of good, and I'll be recharged and ready next fall to kick some serious ass in the classroom.

[Niger Angelus]

Originally posted by Dirty Harry:
I don't think this is what you're talking about BDH, but I started typing some things and this is what came out...

I'm scared of failing. I do worry about the future from time to time. One of my biggest fears is doing nothing with my life. College has been really stressful. That's mainly my fault. Ever since I started college I've been scared that if I fuck up, I will end up wasting alot of my life and accomplish nothing. Right now, I'm well on my way to accomplishing absolutely jack shit. Next year there will be some changes made. I've sorta surrounded myself with negativity this year, and alot of that should be gone next year. Looking back on this year, I fucked up. I'm really disappointed with myself. I could have worked alot harder, and done alot better. I mean, it's not like I'm flunking out or even close to flunking out, but I know I could have done so much better, and that's frusterating. A couple classes are extremely hard, and when I do the work, and still get shitty grades, it agravates the hell outta me. Therefore I usually say 'fuck it' and stop doing the work, which inevitably fucks me even more. Oh well. Next year right? Let's hope so. As I sit here and say things'll be different, I'm not studying for my Natural Resources final that is tomorrow...Oh well...Perhaps I'm just destined to be a waste of fucking space...You know, there have been several times when I have thought back about high school. Yeah, alot of it sucked dick, but there were some great times and it was so fucking easy. I never did shit and made honor roll, I guess college has been a big wake up call. I am thankful for the rapidly approaching summer vacation. That will do me alot of good, and I'll be recharged and ready next fall to kick some serious ass in the classroom.

Dirty jumped in my head and pulled the words right out. That is how I feel when I try to look forward. I don't see anything. It sometimes seems like there isn't enough time for the the mistakes I feel I have made and will make.

[BrassMonkees]

I'm not scared...I'm excited. I can't wait to see what life has instore for me. Honestly, I am going to do so much cool stuff the next few years and learn so much that I can't wait for it. Sure, I'm apprehensive about it but that's only natural. I am a little dissapointed that this is most likely going to be my last summer to do stuff with you guys though...Next year I'm going to china and california, then the next year I'll probably be getting an internship, then I'll be out of school and probalby married. Life is just going by so fast, we'll definitly have to do some crazy fun stuff this summer

[Ugly Bastard]

Yeah me too. Next summer~internship (probably in FL).

Summer after that...oops, I graduated.

So it's been real guys.

Nice post BDH.

-Ugly Bastard

[Mr. Blonde]

Yeah, i know the feeling BDH. One of the worst things about it is, being a sophomore in college, and things REALLY sucking here at my school, that i feel the best times in my life have already passed, and i feel like i took them for granted. I worry about the future a lot as well...mainly when it comes to the issues of job and money. I'm always worried about if i'm going to find a decent job after i graduate, and how much problems i'm going to have with money in the future. It seems to me like most average people are always struggling to make ends meet, and nobody likes the feeling that they can't pay certain bills on time or shit like that. I dont know if anybody else feels this way, but i wish growing up wasnt' so forced in this country.

[Pliedes]

Maybe I'm just getting old, but I am already looking past college. I can't wait to get done with my formal education and move on to new things.

[St. Anky]

BDH, I think everyone reaches a point in their life when they realize that their youth wont last forever. Time passes on. The thing that scares me the most though, is one day in the future looking back on my life in disgust or realizing that I didn't live it the way I should have. I want to die with my belt fastened and balls bulging. I want to be proud of everything I've done and especially look back and say, "I did that... hell yeah I did that."

I guess thats why so many people say its importatnt to live life with no regrets. And even more important, find the good things in everything. We're sitting here talking about how the good things in life have already passed us by... I say fuck that. Look forward and start walking with your memories behind you to push you forward. Tackle life head on.

This all reminds me of a poem that's become one of my favorites. This talk about moving forward makes me think of death, and that someday no matter what, I am going to die. I'm sure everyone here has thought about it, and its even funnier how the american psyche is all about rejecting the idea of death at all costs. Don't talk about it, don't even think about it... just keep walking forward. Anyway, here's the poem, its by John Donne.

Death Be Not Proud
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy'or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
~John Donne

Smile, you ONLY die once.

[xcerca]

REMOVED BY USER

[Zelart]

I'm just hoping that when i die there is something beyond that, somewhere we can live peacefull days with the ones we love..........in Eden.

[underwater]

i'm getting kind of nervous about college now that i'm reading all of the stuff you guys write about it on here..

plus, i'm going to ball state.. which is apparently cracking down hardcore on the party scene. that's not why i'm going, by any means.. i'm going for the communications department.. but jeez, i wanted to party at least every now and then..

however, i must say that i am quite ready to get out of high school. i definitely understand that i should be savoring every moment.. but holy crap. i only go for ONE required class out of five this term, and it's taught by a freaking psycho who has no idea what she's talking about.. who wants to deal with that?

[ninjaface]

Originally posted by underwater:
who wants to deal with that?

Me.

But any how..

Speaking about graduating from college and talk of the future is somewhat of a scary concept. I'm sure I'll be fine, though. I'm more concerned with getting old. There are times that I feel old. When you can say the phrase "I haven't done that, or seen that, or been there in 10 years" and its actually true, it makes you think about how old you are. Ten years is a long time. I know it will only get worse the older I get. But getting old is inevitable. Anyone else feel old at times?

[Saint DH]

Thinking about turning 20 years old in like 9 days makes me feel kinda old.

[Pliedes]

Originally posted by underwater:

plus, i'm going to ball state.....i'm going for the communications department.

[goals] Aim low, you can't miss