The poor oppressed church

[Repugnant Abomination]

According to the Chamber of Commerce, there are 45 churches in Ashland, Oregon. This includes halls, temples, synagogues, and a few others. I can’t go two blocks without seeing one of these religious institutions, and I can’t help but ask, why not every block?
Let’s get some perspective. The population, as of 2007, was around 21,000. Using some basic math, it comes to, on average, about 466 people for every church (church encompassing all of the different institutional names). But that’s assuming that every single person in our city attends church, which they surely do not. So for simplicities sake, let’s cut that number in half, and say there are 45 churches for every 233 church goers. This is a rough, but somewhat accurate estimation.
Am I the only one shocked by this number? Think about it: there are more churches in our small town than schools and libraries combined. And while this little revelation tickles my spiritual fancy, I wonder, how can we cram even more churches here? I won’t be happy until there’s a church for every 100 people – no, every 50!
I mean honestly, do we need as many schools as we have? We could consolidate all of the elementary schools, and merge the middle school with the high school. That should clear some much needed space. Next, who really reads anyway? I mean come on, two libraries? Talk about overkill. And what good are libraries? They house some of the most blasphemous, secular books ever written, perverting their pages with liberal propaganda, promoting “free thinking” under the guise of religious intolerance, and confusing the minds of our children. Besides, they’re taking up valuable space that could be used to construct more churches.
You know, I always hear Ashland is a liberal town, full of progressive hippies trying to undercut traditional American values, and I couldn’t agree more. A mere 45 churches is a painful and revealing reflection of just how under represented and oppressed the churches, and all of its parishioners, are.
Wake up Ashland! It’s time to reclaim our town by telling those in charge that we won’t tolerate so few places to worship. That our beliefs are under threat, that our safe havens are barely visible through the smog of Atheism and the pollution of secularism.
We can all do our part. Speak openly about the situation; tell your friends and family and neighbors. Tell them that there are 45 churches in our massive town of over 20,000, and watch the horror overtake them. They’ll be aghast to learn of what a hostile environment the church finds itself in, and will no doubt join us in our cause to get the number up to where it should be: in the hundreds, if not thousands.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

I'm glad no one has responded to this thread. You are a hateful, intolerant person.

I'll pray for you.

[Repugnant Abomination]

I don't know what you're talking about.

Thank you for praying for me. I'll pray for you too.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

Background:

Annabelle - An eleven-year-old girl who has trouble understanding that NO means NO and so receive severe punishments for her misdeeds.

Terrie - A single parent to Annabelle and the person who enjoys giving Annabelle punishments to remember. She also happens to have the equipment and connections to back it up.

Annabelle's mother Terrie was extremely upset with her daughter's behavior today. The yelling, talking back and general misbehavior, all because she wouldn't get her a music CD she wanted. After plenty of fighting in the store she managed to get thru checkout and into the car. As Terrie drove out of the parking lot, with her daughter in the passenger seat, towards home she realized the only solution to her daughter's behavior was another severe and lasting punishment.

Riding from the store too home continued to be problem for poor Terrie. Annabelle continued to press her luck by talking under breath at her mother. But at this point Terrie was having none of it she just drove in silence. "I'm tired of all this acting up. I know just what to do this time and if this doesn't do it I'll take her to Doctor Vickers again." she thought to herself. With that thought she looked at her offspring smiling.

Annabelle saw her mother smile that evil smile and realized she may have pushed this entire situation about a music CD to far. You see Annabelle was no stranger to her mother's wrath and love for some extremely unusual lessons in proper behavior. Realizing this she started saying she was sorry but only got an icy stare back confirming she was in trouble and nothing she did would help her situation.

Some twenty minutes later Terrie pulled the car into the drive. Annabelle made another effort to plead her case. "Please mom I'm sorry. I promise never to be bad again."

"Go to your bedroom and wait for me there" her mother ordered as they were getting out of the car.

Once through the front door Annabelle couldn't help but to cry at what was about to happen to her. Seating on her bed, defeated and just a little scared Annabelle thought back to the last punishment she received at the hands of her mother. It was a couple of months ago when it was time to go to a friends birthday party she had been invited too just down the street from her own house. Earlier that day her mother had asked that she put the dirty dishes in the washer but she simply acted as if she didn't hear her. When she was about to go she was ordered again to load the dishwasher. But with out thinking she blurted out that she'd do them when she came home. Well that was the wrong thing to say. Her mother jumped up from the couch, grabbed her by the back of the neck and was dragged to her mother's bathroom. Once there she was ordered to strip down nude and was promptly given a large enema. After a lot of forced water retention, cramping and crying she was allowed to relieve herself. But it wasn't over there. As she was empting her bowels of the soapy water her mother came back holding a strange pair of shiny black pants.

After her mother had taken her to see Doctor Vickers to have her hymen surgically removed her mother had the pants made for just this kind of occasion. They were sized to fit her snug but not tight. Dangling from the crotch was to detachable inflation bulbs. Attached to these on the inside of the pants were two inflatable dildos, also sized for her. Her mother made her wear the pants under her street clothes the rest of the day. She ended up missing the party.