What Would Orgazmo Do? That's the question of the day. This thread will be dedicated to you throwing out hypothetical situations, and me responding with what everyone wants to know, WWOD. Feel free to respond to any of the hypotehtical situations that you want to...but I'll do my best to give my outlook on each one. It's basically advice for something that you're going through or something that may happen to you. When responding to a situation, try to let us know which one you're talking about...so we do not get confused...

Q: A bright flash is seen and all of a sudden you find yourself in a completely white room with only a ninja, a giraffe, and a pirate. WWOD?

A: As Orgazmo, I would approach the pirate. I would immediately let him know that I too am a Pirate. Upon this recognition, we could pull out swords and slice the shit out of the ninja and the giraffe. I would then steal the ninja's throwing star things, exit the white room, and plunder whatever village the exit door left me in.

Grade fucking A. Haha, you're beautiful man.

Q: Three naked women appear in your bed right before you go to sleep. Each tell you they are a demon of some sort here to take your soul, and all for a night of hardcore 4-some sex. (Did I mention they are the hottest of hot?) WWOD?

This is a tricky situation, which calls for a tricky solution. Being the quick witted fellow that he is, Orgazmo would immediately reach under his bed only to pull out the world-famous Kama Sutra. He would flip to the bookmark where an illustration of an interesting lesbian threesome would exist. Soon thereafter, Orgazmo would show the three demons the picture, an act that would surely tickle their curiosity in such a way that they would have to try it. They would assume the odd position and proceed to please each other until orgasm. Since each of the three beings was a soul-stealing demon, meant to take the soul of the being that it aided in achieving an orgasm, each of the three demons would lose their respective souls to each other as they all orgasmed at the exact same time. This would throw their little "special power" into an infinite cycle...let me take a bit of time to explain that a bit more.

Demon A gives Demon B an orgasm, thus getting B's soul, now A has 2 souls (the original soul that belongs to Demon A, and Demon B's soul). Of course, at that exact moment, Demon C forced Demon A to have an orgasm, thus getting all of demon A's souls (2 souls, Demon A's original and the freshly acquired soul of Demon B). However, right at that moment, Demon B would have pushed Demon C to the point of no return, a deed that landed all three souls back in Demon B's possession. Since all of the orgasms happened simultaneously...the cycle would be continuous.

Alright, now that the demons were involved in an infinite circle of soul swapping, none of them would clearly have a soul at any given time. It's a well known fact that special powers cannot be administered by beings without souls. With that in mind, since none of the demons would technically have a soul, Orgazmo would be free to indulge himself in any type of pleasure that he deemed necessary, all the while keeping his soul.

Orgazmo screams: "I AM THE YETTI!!!"

Orgazmo-
say you were sent on a mission to retrieve, say, 150 silver discs. you originally thought that this mission would be achieved with great ease due to how close the silver mine is to your residence... but, at no fault of your own, the silver mine was unable to provide any silver for you, instead it simply told you to check sunday's flyer. how would you break the news to he who sent you on this mission?

Orgazmo would take his own life before returning without the silver discs. Either that, or he'd simply return the $26 and hold a small but firey grudge with Best Buy.

Next.

You find yourself in a prison shower....... with three huge ass guys that are gonna try to either fuck u in the ass or the armpit. Escape seems slim. WWOD??

*for those of u who dont know in prisons im told prisoners slit a hole in guys armpits and fuck them in the bloody hole......... some seriously sick shit.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You find yourself in a prison shower....... with three huge ass guys that are gonna try to either fuck u in the ass or the armpit. Escape seems slim. WWOD??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The shower looks like the following. Orgazmo is denoted with an O and the three men with F's. The exit is denoted with stars. S's are showers. I just wanted to be detailed. The periods are tiles.

------------------------------------
|..S...S...S...S...S...S...S...S...S|
|............................................|
|..............................O..........S|
|......F1...................................|
*......................x..................S|
*.........F2................................|
*..........................................S|
|...............F3..........................|
|..........................................S|
|............................................|
|..S...S...S...S...S...S...S...S...S|
------------------------------------

To escape the situation, Orgazmo would drop the soap that he is holding onto the spot marked by an X. After this, he would face the 3 would-be perpetrators as he bent over to pick up the dropped good. Seeing this, the three would split to try to get around to Orgazmo's backside so that they could penetrate his asshole...F1 and F2 would take a circle to the left around Orgazmo, as F3 would go to the right. As the three men went to the side, Orgazmo would sprint straight ahead, out of the shower room and to the safety of his pirate friends, who were waiting within their cells.

[This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited November 30, 2002).]

Q: You are hitchhiking through the desert in search of sand niggers. All you have with you is peanut butter, a bar of soap, and a barbie doll. As you walk, you hear a click with your next step, you look down and realize you are stepping on a land mine. The instant you pull your foot from the mine, it will explode, sending you into little orgazmed parts. It is impossible (from where YOU are) to disarm the mine. WWOD?

With quick wits and a cool mind, Orgazmo would kneel down and depress the trigger on the mine as he stepped off of it (realize that as long as the button on top is depressed, the mine will not go off). He would proceed to jam the bar of soap down onto it, thus keeping it depressed. At this time, he would coat the barbie's plastic flesh with the peanut butter and then replace the soap with the new brown doll. Orgazmo would proceed to travel until he found a group of the aforementioned "sand niggers". He would sneak up behind them (on the opposite of them that the land mine is), and he would use the bar of soap to frighten them into a crazy run (since they despise everything about America, this would include cleanliness, which is perfectly represented by a single bar of soap). As they ran from the soap, they would spot a beautiful brown body in the distance. They would approach the beauty (which is, of course, the peanut buttery barbie) and, without considering the obvious lack of size, they would pick it up in an attempt to corral it into bed. Of course, upon picking up the doll, the mine would be triggered and the entire group would be killed by their own weapon.

You are locked in a room being guarded by Harry Potter, Froto(the hobbit), and Puff the Magic Dragon. They realize u are the evil of all the magic worlds and are ready to kill u at any cost. All u have is a condom, a rubberband, and a box of ramon noodles.WWOD?

Orgazmo would quickly walk to the locked door. He would give a subtle knock that would undoubtedly be answered by Mr. Potter. Harry would open the door and Orgazmo would immediately throw the tightly packed cube of Ramen Noodles against a wall outside of the room. They would shatter, demanding the attention of all 3 guards. At this point in time, Orgazmo would nimbly jump onto Puff the Magic Dragon's shoulders, place the condom over his head, and then tightly secure the condom by placing the rubber band around its base. Since dragons do not have very useful arms, Puff would struggle greatly with the problem as Frodo and Harry tried to help him. Whilst the 2 attempted to free the best from inevitable asphyxiation, Orgazmo would slip by the trio, unnoticed.

You are in a room with three exit doors. One has your mom and dad fucking inside....... the second your dad jerking off to male porn....... and the third...... your dad fucking your girlfriend........ keep in mind there is no way of not seeing these images to escape into the outside world and the image will constantly repeat in your memory every minuter for the rest of your human life.WWOD?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You are in a room with three exit doors...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Orgazmo would simply stay in the room for all of eternity...

You are being held captive by a bunch of skanky Arabs. They tell you that they are going to let you go, but first, one of two things must happen in order for you to obtain your freedom. Here are your options:

1. They rape you in the asshole for at least a few hours. Enough to where you basically pass out and come close to dying. The aftereffects of this are you will never be able to take a normal shit again due to permenant discomfort.

2. They give you a butter-knife and tell you to cut the radius of your penis. So you are not actually cutting your entire penis off, you are cutting it half-way off, so it is just dangling there. Longterm effects: After six and one-half years, it grows back to normal. But during that six and one-half years, you cannot jack-off, or have any type of sex.


These are important issues sir. Please think carefully. I'm sure we will all be faced with a decision like this sometime or another. And your decision today may very well effect our decision down the line.


-Ugly Bastard

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You are being help captive by a bunch of skanky arabs...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

First of all, if put into the previous situation, Orgazmo would choose option C: telling the Arabs that you are going to cut your penis half way off and then using the butterknife to battle his way to freedom. Even with that in mind, Orgazmo thinks that you may have not really been asking how Orgazmo would handle this situation so much as how Orgazmo would decide between the two options. That said, Orgazmo will answer in a fashion that he believe you would expect.

Although it is tough, very tough, Orgazmo would choose to cut through one half of his penis (at the base, I assume). There are a myriad of reasons that he would choose so.

1. The effects of this are temporary, while the ass fucking causes permanent problems with shitting.

2. Orgazmo would rather touch a knife to his cock than a cock to his ass.

3. Although Orgazmo may hold cock actions more dearly at this point in time than shitting, he would realize that, in the long run, shitting is more important.

Let's look at it from a logical standpoint.

At its peak performance, the cock holds a value of 10 (on the assumed 1 - 10 scale, of course). This value of 10 would be attained at sexual prime, which is like 22 or something like that (Orgazmo doesn't know for sure). Before the peak sexual age, the cock's value steadily climbs (but never going below a 5, for pissing value). After the peak sexual age, the cock's value decreases until sex is not a factor in one's life, at which time the value would return to 5, which is the base value for a penis's pissing function.

With that said, the asshole has a steady 8 value that is constant. Shitting remains of utmost importance for a human, no matter what the age of the subject is. For that reason, Orgazmo would rather tamper with his cock than his cornhole.

[This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited December 01, 2002).]

The following situation presents itself to you:

The Pitch: You get to have 24 hours of completely un-moderated sexual relations with Britney Spears. You can do whatever you want to do with her, no limits, no boundaries, nothing. Nothing, but fucking.

The Catch: Once you do this, you will never be able to have sexual intercourse with another woman ever again. You fuck Britney, and the only thing you've got left for the remaining 70 years of your life, is your right-hand.

What is your decision? Fuck Britney once (and by "once" I mean "about 3,000 times over the course of 24 hours")? Or be able to fuck girls the rest of your life?

-Ugly Bastard

[This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited December 02, 2002).]

Britney would not feel Orgazmo's cock. A life of pleasure is worth infinitely more than a predictably finite period of 24 hours. If I did choose Britney, I would undoubtedly take my own life shortly into the rest of my life. Hardly anything is worth sacrificing sex for a lifetime, Britney Spears definitely isn't something that even begins to be considered as one of these "anythings."

You are being chased around a room by magical knives, that follow you around and want to kill you. Clearly, this curse has been applied by the evil Doctor Coctor. He wishes to use your courpse for sexual pleasure. The room is sealed off, there is no exit. These knives are very sharp, and can cut through most anything. Luckily though, Doctor Coctor forgot to search you, and you still have your utility belt. Your utility belt contains the following: A pair of siccors, a rope, your pirate eye patch, a small kinfe, some bubble gumballs, a slingshot, and three bullets. WWOD to escape from this deadly prediciment?

[This message has been edited by 50 Cent (edited December 02, 2002).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You are being chased around a room by magical knives...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You certainly have left Orgazmo in quite a predicament. Considering all of the problems in this scenario, Orgazmo sees that, even though the knives pose immediate danger, Doctor Coctors sealing off of the room would be a long term threat if Orgazmo was to somehow defeat the magical knives. As he ran in circles around the room, Orgazmo would carefully consider his options, eventually using his knowledge of the knives' magical abilities, as well as how the knives work.

In order to simply follow one person, the knives must be tied to that person somehow. While Orgazmo does understand the the knives are magical, he also knows that magic has its bounds, especially the magic of Doctor Coctor. Since Coctor's main emphasis lies in researching genetics, Orgazmo would assume that he had blessed the knives with Orgazmo's DNA, locking the knives in on his genes in a battle to spill his blood onto the floor before ceasing to exist. Of course, the knives do not tire...for they are driven by magery. This means that Orgazmo must work with haste, for he is but human and has a finite supply of stamina.

With all of the aforementioned in mind, Orgazmo would proceed in the following fashion. He would reach into his utility belt, pull out his small knife, and slice off his left arm. He would then throw his arm into the air and then, throwing his small knife like a dart, he would pin the arm to the wall. Sensing his DNA, the knives, which can cut through anything, would mercilessly travel into the wall, slicing the arm into oblivion and taking out the wall at the same time. Realizing that some of Orgazmo's DNA still existed after destroying the arm, the knives would continue to pursue Orgazmo. The pirate would flee out of the newly made hole in the wall, but would most certainly be spotted by Doctor Coctor on his way out. With the knives still on his ass and Doctor Coctor in the distance waiting for Orgazmo to approach him so he can fight him (and probably win since Orgazmo has but one arm and Doctor Coctor has magery on his side), Orgazmo would reach into his utility belt with his right arm only to remove the 3 bullets. Judging carefully from the pattern that the knives take at his backside, Orgazmo would leave the 3 bullets in such a fashion that the tips of 3 of the pursuing knives would strike them dead on, with a force that would rocket them forward more quickly than any gun could ever shoot. At the sound of this pop, Orgazmo's cat-like reflexes would send him to the ground at the bullets sailed forward through the body of Doctor Coctor, immediately killing him. With the doctor out of his way, Orgazmo would quickly pull the rope from his belt. As he ran, he could rapidly circle around the knives and lasso them by the handles (so that they could not cut the rope. With the newly leashed knives still chasing him, Orgazmo would run to tie the rope to a strong tree's trunk. After this, Orgazmo would stand just out of reach of the newly-tethered weapons, taunting them in a fashion that only Orgazmo could.

Wow. That was....wow.

Your father is going to beat you. He gives you three options of what his tool of trade will be.

Which do you choose, and why?

1. A wrench
2. A belt
3. A stick (a huge stick, not something that is going to snap on first hit.....basically a small log)

-Ugly Bastard

PS: Oh, don't say, "I would take the wrench and beat the hell out of him before he got to me." Obviously, we all would do that, but that is not an option. Just pick a weapon please.

[This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited December 03, 2002).]

The clear answer to this question is belt. Orgazmo sees that the wrench and the log are basically the same weapon, whereas the belt is a bendable piece that certainly would cause less damage. Whilst the wounds from the 2 similar tools would cause internal long-lasting damage, the belt would simply leave whippings on the surface of the skin, a wound that would heal with a small amount of time and care. In closing, Orgazmo's overwhelming sentiment on the situation points toward the belt as the obvious beating device of choice.

The knives may not be able to cut the rope where it is tied around their handles, but wouldn't they be able to cut it further down. Lets say the middle of the rope. The would then again be free. Now that you are lacking the aid of rope and three bullets WWOD now?

I'd pick the wrench.


'Cause fuck him that's why.

-Ugly Bastard

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The knives may not be able to cut the rope where it is tied around their handles...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Orgazmo knows that the knives don't have intelligence, they simply try to attack Orgazmo's DNA. Because of this, they would have the rope constantly stretched in whatever direction Orgazmo was in (if Orgazmo was within a detectable range). If not, the knives would simply set idly on the ground.

Fuck Brittney Spears or Fuck Tara Reid?

Who, and why?



------------------
~The Comedian~

Orgazmo would go with Britney simply because she is "hot" whilst Tara is nothing more than mediocre.

Alright, stratch Tara Reid, and make it Brooke Burke.

Go

------------------
~The Comedian~

This is more of a this or that. In this situation, Orgazmo would look into the future and see that these posts will keep coming, more and more, much like a snowball, so he'll decline to answer the previously asked and advise that you start a this or that thread.

You are in a situation:

You are a Pirate. The rest of the pirates are demanding that you they are going to kill your girlfriend. Let's just call her "rah" for our purposes. You have two options here, one of them with sub-options. Choose Orgazmo, fucking choose:

Option 1: You let them kill her. There are 50 of them, and one of you. Plus, a Pirate is always true to his other pirates, even if this means losing your rah over it.
Option 2: You kill the Pirates and save the rah. If you choose this option, you must choose your method of killing the Pirates-
A Force the ship to sink whilst stealing a rescue boat for you and rah. (Don't give me that whole "How will I get the ship to sink bull-shit". Just pretend you can)
B Kill all of the pirates with a bomb. You will not be harmed by this bomb. And rah will be miraculously wrapped in a cacoon of one of your fellow Pirate's burnt skin. The skin acts like a shelter to her, and spares her life
C Be a pussy, grab the girl, get a rescue boat, and get the sexxin heck out of there

-Ugly Bastard



[This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited December 04, 2002).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Orgazmo is a pirate what would he do blah...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Because of the fact that Orgazmo is the fucking captain Pirate, if the men are threatening him, that means that there has been some type of mutiny. Fuck the "we're all pirates" bullshit at this point in time, the men have betrayed Orgazmo so he would be forced to go against them. That they are holding a person named "rah" is irrelevent...in fact, it wouldn't matter if they're holding a polar bear captive...if they're going against Orgazmo's word Orgazmo will be forced to kill each and every one of them.

The method is simple. A bomb would be used to eliminate the bitch pirates. Orgazmo never leaves the dock without a hidden bomb on the ship...just in case. He would simply detonate the bomb and, with his cat-like reflexes, skin one of the pirates that flew in his general direction. He would lasso Rah with a rope made from the netting used to corral the sail. Rah would be pulled near, placed inside of the leathery burnt skin of the killed Pirate, and placed in a low spot. Orgazmo would proceed to go through the Pirate bodies, pilfering any type of valuable material and pissing on those who happened to keep their lives (of course, they would be killed right after being pissed upon).

It should be noted that the ship is slowly sinking while Orgazmo orchestrates all of this. After collecting the valuables, Orgazmo would board a small rescue canoe with Rah nearby. He would continue in a large circle in the middle of the ocean until he approached a large ship. Orgazmo would board this ship, posing as a friend. After gaining entrance, he would declare that all men on the ship would become pirates and would do as he said. If any man on the ship refused, they would be killed immediately. This may leave Orgazmo without any men...but the folks already on board would more than likely stop refusing to take orders after 2 or 3 of the cock goblins were slit.

[This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited December 04, 2002).]

Here's the situation.

Orgazmo has been captured by ninja's (ninja's rule, pirates drool). Whilest our fearless hero was knocked unconcious, the ninja's inserted an object into his penis shaft.
Now this is no ordinary object. It is very much like a deer hunting arrowhead, only more deadly. It is triangular with multiple sides to it. Do to it's shape, it can easily be pushed into Orgazmo's shaft, but if you pull on it, it begins to tear the penis to shreads. If he were to pull it all the way out it would make his manhood into little french fries...

Orgazmo is stuck in a room from which there is no escape, until the arrowhead/slasher/peniscutter thingy is removed. In this room is a rubber ducky, a one foot piece of ducktape, and some duck sauce from an oriental restaraunt (see a pattern?), all of which he can use to help him escape.

What would Orgazmo do?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Orgazmo has a pyramid in his cock and...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Orgazmo could solve this problem in two ways. The route that he would probably take would utilize the fact that the penis is the strongest muscle in his body. With that in mind, Orgazmo would simply use his mind to willfully erect the immense cylinder and, as blood rushed in, the pyramid would be crushed...leaving it in the form of many small bits that could be passed with little difficulty.

The more creative technique that Orgazmo would have at his disposal would use some (if not all) of the objects provided. Firstly, Orgazmo would use his teeth to bore two holes into the rubber ducky. The first would be placed as the very tip of its tail, while the other would be put on the tip of its bill. Orgazmo would then coat the tip of his penis, as well as the tail side of the duck, with the duck sauce, thus lubricating both objects for the obvious insertion. Orgazmo would then, with careful movements, place the tail of the duck into his urethra. Once sufficiently in, the ducktape would secure the fixture...making sure that an air-tight seal remained. After this, Orgazmo would bend over and blow into the mouth of the duck, inflating his penis like a balloon. After being blown up, a piece of tape would cover the hole in the mouth and Orgazmo would point his soldier downward, letting the pyramid fall to the very tip (on top of the duck). The ducktape would be painstakingly removed, letting the object fall harmlessly out of the cock and onto the ground.

My dear god. That was amazing.
(you can't see it, but i'm standing and clapping right now)

You pull into your driveway after coming home from school one day. You exit your car and proceed into your house. As you throw your shit on the ground, you hear a rustling noise from your parent's bedroom. You are oblivious to why there would be noise as you should be the only one home at the time. You proceed into your parents room full of curiousity only to find your mother in bed with another man. They are totally starkass naked and doing the hibbity dibbity. Your mom notices your presence and covers herself and the unkown man stumbles out of bed.

(i know this sounds quite disturbing, but im hoping for a good reply)

WWOD?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I'm a sick fuck, so bear with me. You walk in on your mom and a stranger fucking and...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Orgazmo's first action would be to reach into his pocket to pull out a large steak. He would throw the steak with great force at the stranger's cock, impaling it on his wood. At this moment, Orgazmo would call for his Pirate dog, Riley, who would immediately remove the man's penis via nibbling and nubbling. After the steak cock was finished, Orgazmo would say the words "Riley - Kill" and, like Orgazmo's dog does in real life, the Pirate Riley would immediately thrust his teeth into the man's neck, thus killing him. The dog would end up eating the man's corpse...but that would take place after what Orgazmo is about to depict.

With the man dead and quite a mess on the floor, Orgazmo would stare down his mother. With only a glance, they would have a mutual understanding that she would stop bitching at him to get a real job...because he's a pirate and gets everything he needs in life from others...whether it be from force or respect. The mother, not wanting the father to find out what had happened, would undoubtedly agree to never mention a job again...as she would wholeheartedly accept her son's piratical lifestyle as genuine.

[This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited December 19, 2002).]

What if this "stranger", turned out to be your very own brother?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I'm an even sicker fuck...so tell me...what if he was your brother?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Orgazmo's actions would not change.

rest assured, Orgazmo's brother would never do anything even remotely close to that, but, if he did, he would wish to be killed and eaten by das ubermutt.

What would Orgazmo Do if say, he posted his 1,000th post within the next week?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>What is he posted 1000 soon<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The result would be an orgasm with enough magnitude and fluid to both shake and flood the world...respectively.

Ok, get a blowjob from an experienced 'ok' frosh, or continue to work on the girl that I am close to and go for a relationship.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Would Orgazmo go for instant yet short-lived gratification or a lessly peaked but much better chance to overall bliss?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Orgazmo would look at the options to realize that, even though the blowjob may outweigh the relationship in the short term category, the long haul would easily show the relationship to be the better of the two...assuming that a relationship is what Orgazmo was after...

Thanks Orgazmo. O, I need forgivness for stuff too.

Done.

This is a simple question, but one which must (firstly) be answered directly.

What would Orgazmo do if he had to choose, his girlfriend or nubblies?

Moreso though, what would Orgazmo do if he had to choose, his girlfriend or nubblies and he had to answer in the form of cheesy poetry which includes four (minumun) references to different types of animals?

Well, Orgazmo doesn't have a girlfriend...because Orgazmo is a simple online character that happens to be a pirate. With that in mind, Orgazmo would have no choice but to choose his home, Nubblies.

By the claw of a Sexbear,
By the wing of a Cat,
The choice for Orgazmo is simple,
Nubblies--my true Cockbat.

(*Note--To anyone named "Rah" who may stumble upon this...of course it is all a filthy lie...of course)

[This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited January 06, 2003).]

Ok, since you're a pirate, this has something to do with that. Say you just got done destroying a village, and raping the women that inhabit it. After raping a particular female, she informs you that she has scabies. WWOD?

Here is a question

Q. Your going though the desert and your dieing of thurst and all of a sudden you see this hot naked chick right in front of you. You only have the energy to walk farther never knowing if you are going to make it home or you have the choice to have sex with with a beautiful women as the last thing you do in your life. Which do you choice??