Joke of the Day - Page 9 - Nubblies.net Forums

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 09-18-2006, 10:26 PM

Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.

When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did."

She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.

Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."

Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?" Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.

Repugnant Abomination · 09-20-2006, 01:30 AM

Haw haw haw!

Ugly Bastard · 09-20-2006, 03:40 PM

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!" And possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy
Birthday."

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember.

My kids came into breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat Despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "good morning, boss, Happy Birthday!"

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said,

"You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.

We dined instead at a little place with a private table.

We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said,

"You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the Office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake.........

Followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and
co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked.

DJ FC · 09-21-2006, 11:15 PM

Free Dog the Bounty Hunter!

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 09-21-2006, 11:18 PM

can someone please take care of this troll?

DJ FC · 09-22-2006, 01:51 AM

Free Dog the Bounty Hunter!

Orgazmo · 10-02-2006, 05:41 PM

Doctor: Well, I found out why you're tired and nauseated all the time.
Woman : Why?
Doctor: Let's just say I hope your husband likes changing diapers!
Woman : Oh, I'm pregnant?!
Doctor: No, you have bowel cancer (highlight)

Ironic Mustache · 10-02-2006, 05:51 PM

That joke just made me uncomfortable.

*Oops, I messed up the formatting and I was reading old jokes.

f3lix · 10-03-2006, 01:19 AM

Bowel cancer? Must be new. Of all people, one might think I'd know about this topic...

Mr. Blonde · 10-03-2006, 07:42 AM

Why? Are you intrigued with bowels?

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-03-2006, 09:06 AM

Why? Why? Why are you intrigued with his intrigue with bowels?

Orgazmo · 10-03-2006, 12:40 PM

F3lix had to have a colonoscopy for anal fissures last year.

f3lix · 10-03-2006, 12:46 PM

that and to check for colon cancer/pollups

Orgazmo · 10-03-2006, 12:52 PM

He also had the colonoscopy to check for colon cancer and pollups.

And for the gaysex feeling!

vaga1220 * · 10-04-2006, 11:30 AM

I had to have colonoscopy for.... come to think of it they never told me why.

ninjaface · 10-12-2006, 06:52 PM

A black baby was born with wings. He asked god if it was because he was an angel. God said nah nigga you a bat.

f3lix · 10-13-2006, 09:15 AM

Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got his gas bill.

f3lix · 10-13-2006, 11:21 PM

An elephant says to a camel, "why are your boobs on your back?" "Well," says the camel, "I think that is a strange question coming from somebody whose weiner is on his face."

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-14-2006, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by f3lix

Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got his gas bill.

Why did threelicks commit suicide? He sucked big time at fantasy football.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-20-2006, 04:55 PM

One foggy night, a Notre Dame fan was heading north from Kokomo and a

Michigan fan was driving south from Ann Arbor. While crossing a narrow

bridge over the St. Joesph river, they hit each other head-on, mangling
both

cars.

The Michigan fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage.
He

looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Notre dame fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too
feeling

fortunate to have survived.

The Wolverine fan walks over to the Irish fan and says, "Hey, man, I
think

this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as

friends instead of being rivals."

The Notre dame fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're

absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if

something else survived the wreck."

The Notre Dame fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full,
undamaged

bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Wolverine, "I think this is
another

sign - we should toast to our new-found friendship." The Wolverine fan

agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the

Wolverine fan hands it back to the Notre Dame fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Notre dame fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the
rest

of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think
I'll

just wait for the cops to show up."

Heaven Can Wait · 01-22-2007, 01:29 PM

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. It's me..."

"...I've quit drinking!"

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-09-2008, 08:00 PM

What the best part about fucking a 12 year old in the shower? When you slick her hair back she looks 8.

^^I just read a fuckton of these, here are the best ones:

_
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?

Fitting in.
_
So I was Balls deep in this chick and she says to me "Doggy style? Isn't that a bit presumptuous?"

and I said: "Isn't the word presumptuous a bit too advanced for a 9 year old?"

_
how do you make a 5 year old cry twice?

wipe the blood off on her teddy

_
What sound do 2 babies in a blender make?

I dunno, i was too busy wanking at the time

_
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

_
whats the leading cause of pedophilia?

Sexy Kids!

Orgazmo · 10-09-2008, 08:31 PM

What's the best part of fucking thirty seven year olds?

THERE ARE 30 OF THEM!! !!!

Repugnant Abomination · 10-09-2008, 10:05 PM

Nice, ID.

Old, Gaz.

Orgazmo · 10-09-2008, 11:00 PM

What's repug's favorite part of fucking little boys?

He gets to fuck guys. He's a faggot. (highlight)

09-18-2006, 10:26 PM	#201 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,352 Internets: 290966	Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday. Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left. Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?" Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100." "Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.
	#YOLO

09-21-2006, 11:15 PM	#204 (permalink)
DJ FC MURICAN Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Virginia Posts: 5,136 Internets: 253094	Free Dog the Bounty Hunter!
	The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them.

09-21-2006, 11:18 PM	#205 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,352 Internets: 290966	can someone please take care of this troll?
	#YOLO

09-22-2006, 01:51 AM	#206 (permalink)
DJ FC MURICAN Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Virginia Posts: 5,136 Internets: 253094	Free Dog the Bounty Hunter!
	The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them.

10-02-2006, 05:41 PM	#207 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,729 Internets: 311447	Doctor: Well, I found out why you're tired and nauseated all the time. Woman : Why? Doctor: Let's just say I hope your husband likes changing diapers! Woman : Oh, I'm pregnant?! Doctor: No, you have bowel cancer (highlight)
	Last edited by Orgazmo; 10-02-2006 at 05:44 PM.

09-20-2006, 01:30 AM	#202 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	Haw haw haw!

09-20-2006, 03:40 PM	#203 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!" And possibly have a present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids came into breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat Despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "good morning, boss, Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the Office, do we?" I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake......... Followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday". And I just sat there... On the couch... Naked.

10-02-2006, 05:51 PM	#208 (permalink)
Ironic Mustache G'd up from the feet up. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 7,146 Supreme Emperor of the Jiu Jitsu Shit Forum?: Yes Internets: 114735	That joke just made me uncomfortable. *Oops, I messed up the formatting and I was reading old jokes.
	Creeping around as I please nonchalantly like any other Supreme Emperor might.

10-03-2006, 01:19 AM	#209 (permalink)
f3lix Gangnam Style Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: DH's Massage Parlor Posts: 6,383 Internets: 213510	Bowel cancer? Must be new. Of all people, one might think I'd know about this topic...

10-03-2006, 07:42 AM	#210 (permalink)
Mr. Blonde Spice Master Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 17,969 Internets: 284106	Why? Are you intrigued with bowels?
	Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing. ― Terence McKenna

10-03-2006, 09:06 AM	#211 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,352 Internets: 290966	Why? Why? Why are you intrigued with his intrigue with bowels?
	#YOLO

10-03-2006, 12:40 PM	#212 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,729 Internets: 311447	F3lix had to have a colonoscopy for anal fissures last year.

10-03-2006, 12:46 PM	#213 (permalink)
f3lix Gangnam Style Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: DH's Massage Parlor Posts: 6,383 Internets: 213510	that and to check for colon cancer/pollups

10-03-2006, 12:52 PM	#214 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,729 Internets: 311447	He also had the colonoscopy to check for colon cancer and pollups. And for the gaysex feeling!

10-04-2006, 11:30 AM	#215 (permalink)
vaga1220 * *Dislikes ham Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: HELL 666 Posts: 1,518 Internets: 60790	I had to have colonoscopy for.... come to think of it they never told me why.
	Putting the sensual in non-consensual.

10-12-2006, 06:52 PM	#216 (permalink)
ninjaface Level 20 Holothetan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Space Posts: 5,245 Internets: 210144	A black baby was born with wings. He asked god if it was because he was an angel. God said nah nigga you a bat.

10-13-2006, 09:15 AM	#217 (permalink)
f3lix Gangnam Style Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: DH's Massage Parlor Posts: 6,383 Internets: 213510	Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got his gas bill.

10-13-2006, 11:21 PM	#218 (permalink)
f3lix Gangnam Style Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: DH's Massage Parlor Posts: 6,383 Internets: 213510	An elephant says to a camel, "why are your boobs on your back?" "Well," says the camel, "I think that is a strange question coming from somebody whose weiner is on his face."

10-20-2006, 04:55 PM	#220 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,352 Internets: 290966	One foggy night, a Notre Dame fan was heading north from Kokomo and a Michigan fan was driving south from Ann Arbor. While crossing a narrow bridge over the St. Joesph river, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars. The Michigan fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!" Likewise, the Notre dame fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived. The Wolverine fan walks over to the Irish fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals." The Notre dame fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck." The Notre Dame fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Wolverine, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our new-found friendship." The Wolverine fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Wolverine fan hands it back to the Notre Dame fan and says, "Your turn!" The Notre dame fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
	#YOLO

01-22-2007, 01:29 PM	#221 (permalink)
Heaven Can Wait English. Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: England Posts: 868 Internets: 179	An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. It's me..." "...I've quit drinking!"
	there is little I wouldn't do for a dolphin.

10-09-2008, 08:00 PM	#222 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,352 Internets: 290966	What the best part about fucking a 12 year old in the shower? When you slick her hair back she looks 8. ^^I just read a fuckton of these, here are the best ones: _ What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in. _ So I was Balls deep in this chick and she says to me "Doggy style? Isn't that a bit presumptuous?" and I said: "Isn't the word presumptuous a bit too advanced for a 9 year old?" _ how do you make a 5 year old cry twice? wipe the blood off on her teddy _ What sound do 2 babies in a blender make? I dunno, i was too busy wanking at the time _ Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes. _ whats the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy Kids!
	#YOLO Last edited by THEINCREDIBLEdork; 10-09-2008 at 08:19 PM.

10-09-2008, 08:31 PM	#223 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,729 Internets: 311447	What's the best part of fucking thirty seven year olds? THERE ARE 30 OF THEM!! !!!

10-09-2008, 10:05 PM	#224 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 164547	Nice, ID. Old, Gaz.

10-09-2008, 11:00 PM	#225 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,729 Internets: 311447	What's repug's favorite part of fucking little boys? He gets to fuck guys. He's a faggot. (highlight)