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11-27-2002, 12:39 AM
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#76 (permalink) |
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Guest
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One day a boy asks his dad, what’s the difference
between a pussy and a cunt? Dad thought for a minute and said come with me. He took his son to his mothers bedroom, where she was sleeping nude. Son he whispered, see that brown soft furry patch, that is a pussy. The boy asked, may I touch it to see how soft and furry it is? No replied his father, that might wake the cunt up. |
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11-27-2002, 12:41 AM
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#77 (permalink) |
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A man goes to the hospital because he is having pains in his stomach. He tells the doc what is wrong and the doc says "You have constipation, you will need to take one of these suppository's every 6 hours for a week. I can help you with the first one." So, reluctantly, the man drops his pants, bends over, and the doc shoves it in.
Later, at home, he is having a little trouble inserting the next one, so he asks his wife for help. He tells her what to do, drops his pants and bends over. She then puts one hand on his shoulder and starts pushing it in. "Damn!" the guy screams, "What? Did I hurt you?" his wife replies. "No," said the man "But I just realized something...the doctor put 2 hands on my shoulders!!!" [This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited November 26, 2002).] |
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11-30-2002, 01:33 AM
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#81 (permalink) |
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Guest
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a lady was in the shower when she heard the door ring. she got out and yelled down the stairs WHO IS IT?
the man replied ITS THE LOCAL BLIND MAN. she told him to go and sit in the lounge and she walked downstairs the man stared at her with horror and said NICE TITS LADY BUT WHERE DO U WANT UR BLINDS? |
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11-30-2002, 01:35 AM
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#82 (permalink) |
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Guest
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three gay guys were in a funeral parlor and they were just buring their dead husbands and they had them creamated and they were sittin out in the parlor and the one gay guy said to the second gay guy....what are u gonna do with your man? he said "well.....my man just loved to fly so im gonna take him up and im gonna just spread his ashes all in the clouds." so the second gay guy said to the first gay guy.....what are u gonna do with your mans ashes? he says "well my man just loved to fish so im gonna take his ashes and spread them over our favorite lake." the third gay guy , he aint said nutin....so the other two gay guys said " what are u gonna do with your mans ashes? he said, "well, my man was the best cook you ever seen he was always in the kitchen. so what im gonna do, im gonna go home, make a big pot of chilie, put his ashes in it, and get me a big bowl, and let him tear my ass up one more time!
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12-04-2002, 03:10 AM
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#84 (permalink) |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: right behind you
Posts: 931
Internets: 306
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A child molestor is walking down the street with a little boy towards the woods. The little boy looks up and says "it's dark and foggy, I'm scared"
The molestor gives the child a disguted look and says "how do you think I feel, I have to walk home alone." [This message has been edited by StDx (edited December 04, 2002).] |
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12-04-2002, 11:23 PM
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#85 (permalink) |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: st. pete beach, Florida, USA
Posts: 4
Internets: 10
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Well these are a little racist but too fucking bad...
-Whats big black orange and beautiful?? A nigger on fire! -You ever hear of Ku Klux Kaneival?? He once jumped 50 niggers with a steamroller! -Why do niggers cry during sex? The mace. -Why do niggers stink? So blind people can hate them too. -Why are chimps always frowning? Cuz they know in a million years they are going to turn into niggers. -How do you stop a nigger from goin out? Pour gas on him. I'll have more in the future..and those will not be just nigger jokes but I will also dis spics and chincs and what not..if you have a problem thats too fucking bad and I'll send my slaves over to kick your ass... |
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12-04-2002, 11:36 PM
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#87 (permalink) |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 110
Internets: 10
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A young man sits down next to an old man who is gazing over the small Italian village in which he lived. The wise old man, wanting to give the boy some worldly advise said, You see all these houses in this village, I helped build all those houses, you would think they'd call me "Guido the Constructionist!" but they don't he hesitated. I also designed that bridge that goes over the river, you would think they'd call me "Guido the Architect!" but they don't he hesitated again. And you see all the fields of crops, I grew all of that, you would think they'd call me "Guido the Farmer!" but they don't. But I'll tell ya, you fuck one goat.......
------------------ ~The Comedian~ [This message has been edited by The Comedian (edited December 04, 2002).] |
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12-04-2002, 11:38 PM
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#88 (permalink) |
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Guest
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orgazmo
A Scottish old timer named Saxton was sitting in a Scotland bar talking to a young man. "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me Saxton-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo.." Then the old man gestured at the bar. "Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labour, for eight days. But do they call me Saxton-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..." Then the old man points out the window. "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me Saxton-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..." Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention. He says with a whisper, "But ya fuck one goat..."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Fuck you  [This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited December 04, 2002).] |
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12-05-2002, 02:25 AM
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#90 (permalink) |
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Guest
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Orgazmo's joke was much better. There is a certain skill and style you must possess to tell a joke effectively, this Orgazmo has, and you Comedian, do not...
Sorry, but the original joke was definately funnier. Granted your's was shorter, wow, thats great, props for that. |
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12-05-2002, 12:49 PM
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#92 (permalink) |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 13,643
Internets: 247330
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Yes, I must admit, while The Comedian's was humorous. I happen to find Orgazmo's much funnier. Sometimes the girth of a joke does not deteer from the humor of the joke.
And that'll be just about it for now. -Ugly Bastard PS: A small joke to departeth with: Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box? Because she sat on Pinocchio’s face and said "Lie to me!" "Lie to me!" |
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12-05-2002, 07:35 PM
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#93 (permalink) |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: st. pete beach, Florida, USA
Posts: 4
Internets: 10
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More Racist Jokes..WoooHooooo!!!
-What are three things you can't give a black guy? A black eye a fat lip and a job. -A Black, a Native American and a cowboy were sitting at a bar. The Native American says, "In this country once we were many and now we are few." The Black adds, "In this country once we were few but now we are many." Then the cowboy says, "We just haven't played cowboys and blacks yet" -What do you call a black guy with no arms and legs? Trustworthy and one last one... What's the difference between a working black man and big foot? People have seen big foot and i forgot to put up some of the ones about mexicans and what not so ill post those tomorrow... |
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12-05-2002, 08:02 PM
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#95 (permalink) |
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Roscoe P. Coldchain
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Stabbin Cabin
Posts: 2,759
Internets: 1425
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how many mexicans does it take to grease your car?
one, if you hit him just right what's the difference between a mexican and a pothole? you swerve to miss a pothole how do you get little black kids to stop jumping on the bed? put velcro on the ceiling how do you get them down? bring in a mexican and yell "pinata" why do mexicans have such big noses? so they have something to pick when tomatoes aren't in season why do lowriders have such little steering wheels? so their mexican owners can drive with handcuffs on how can you tell if you have flamingos living next door? they have plastic mexicans in thier front yard |
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12-05-2002, 08:55 PM
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#96 (permalink) |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 16
Internets: 10
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Black Jokes:
Why is there cotton on the top of Tylenol in the bottle? To remind blacks that they picked cotton before they sold drugs. What did God say when another black baby was born? OOPS! Burnt another one. Why don't you run over a black guys bike? Because it might be your bike. What's long black and smells like cologne? The unemployment line. What do you say to a black man in a three-peice suit? "Will the defendant please rise." What is the difference between a pizza and a black guy? A pizza can feed a family of four. Why do black people always have sex on their minds? Because they have pubic hair on their head. What is hard and long on black people? Third Grade What is the most confusing holiday in the African American community? Father's Day What do you call a 90-year-old black man? Antique Farming Equipment. How do you get a black man nervous? Take him to an auction. What's the difference between a black person and a tire? When you put chains on the tire it doesn't start singing Keep Your Eyes on the Prize. What do you call a black-man that stutters? A Co-Coon. Two black guys walk into a bar and they see a white guy in a Klan hat and he says, "no blacks allowed." The black guys say, "didn't you ever hear of the Emancipation Proclamation?" The guy in the klan hat says, "no, I don't listen to hip hop." Did you hear about that black guy they found on the bottom of that river in Arkansas with 200 bullet holes in him...the local sheriff called it the worst case of suicide he had ever seen in his life. Did you hear about that black guy they found on the bottom of that river in Arkansas with 300lbs of chains wrapped around him...the local sheriff said, "just like a goddamn black guy, stole more chains than he could swim with" What is the difference between an Ethiopian and a pair of jeans? A pair of jeans only has one fly on them. And the finale... A Truck Driver has to deliver 330 black Brunswick bowling balls to Arkansas. Along the way he sees a black guy hitchhiking, so he pulls over and says "I'll give ya a ride but there's no room up here in the cab get in the back with the balls." So he does. A little further down the road he sees another black guy with a flat tire on his bike, and he too is lookin' for a ride, so the driver tells him that he'll be glad to give him a ride but he has to ride in back with the balls. He agrees. So just as there getting into Arkansas they get pulled over by a detective and a rookie. The detective tells the rookie to get the drivers credentials and he'll check the cargo. As the rookie is getting the paperwork the detective runs to the front of the truck and tells the driver to get the hell out of Arkansas, so he goes on his way. As the two cops are walking back to the car the rookie asks why he let the driver go and he replied, "son, he had a truck full of Negro eggs, two hatched and one already stole a bike. I've got quite a few more...just don't feel like posting. I may move on to a different type of people a little later |
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12-05-2002, 08:59 PM
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#97 (permalink) |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 16
Internets: 10
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Jews-
Have you heard about the Jewish sports car? It stops on a dime...and then picks it up. How many Jews can you fit in a car? All of them. Two in the front, three in the back, and the rest in the ashtray. What's the difference between a Jew and a large Pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when you put it into the oven. Who is the greatest Jewish cook ever? Hitler, of course. What is the difference between a Jew and a canoe? Canoes tip. What's the object of Jewish football? To get the quarter back. What did the little German boy get for his birthday? Easy bake oven and a G.I. Jew |
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12-05-2002, 09:06 PM
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#98 (permalink) |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 16
Internets: 10
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Mexicans:
How do you starve a Mexican? Put his food stamps under his work boots. What do you call a Mexican baptism? Bean dip. Why don't Puerto Ricans have a long history of literature? Spray paint wasn't invented until 1949. How many Mexicans does it take to roof a house? 8 if you slice them thin enough... What's the difference between a dead dog and a dead Mexican lying in the middle of the street? The dog has skid marks in front of it. Why do Mexicans put shit on the wall at their weddings? To keep flies off the bride. Why do Mexicans paint their trashcans red and yellow? So the kids think they're eating @ McDonald's. What is the best way to circumcise a Mexican? Kick his sister in the jaw. Why does Mexico suck at the Olympics? Because every Mexican that can run, jump, or swim are all over here. Why were there only 200 Mexicans at the migrant camp this year? They only had 2 vans. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans in Star Trek? They aren't working anytime in the future either. What do you call an old Mexican? Bean Bag How can you tell a Mexican's not wearing any underwear? There's dandruff on his shoes. |
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12-05-2002, 09:08 PM
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#99 (permalink) |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 16
Internets: 10
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Asians:
How do you blindfold a Chinese person? With dental floss. How do you know if a Chinese person has robbed your house? Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the fucker is still trying to back out of your driveway. How do Chinese people decide on a name for their child? They throw a bunch of pots and pans down the stairs. What do you call a drive bye in Chinatown? A cappachino. Why don't Chinese play hockey? Because if they got thrown into the corner they'd make a store. |
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12-05-2002, 09:12 PM
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#100 (permalink) |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a genie," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the genie replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", genie replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..." Next morning the little man wakes the woman up. "Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies "Fuck me," says the man, "27 and you still believe in genies"
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