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Old 11-06-2011, 01:35 PM   #801 (permalink)
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The best part of waking up is... morning wood.
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Old 11-06-2011, 03:56 PM   #802 (permalink)
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The best part of waking up is... knowing I'm one day closer to staying at DJ FC's pad next summer for the Olympics.
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Old 11-06-2011, 04:02 PM   #803 (permalink)
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The best part of waking up is... Folger's in your butt.

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Waiting until kremlin moves to Phucket in a few years.
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Old 11-06-2011, 04:55 PM   #804 (permalink)
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The best part of waking up... is my daily morning BJ from Charlotte.
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Old 11-06-2011, 06:12 PM   #805 (permalink)
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DJ FC for extremism.

Close for the Charlotte reference, though.

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Old 11-07-2011, 05:00 AM   #806 (permalink)
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I finally won one!

At the tender age of eleven I learned ...


The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them.
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Old 11-07-2011, 05:51 AM   #807 (permalink)
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At the tender age of eleven I learned ... how to please a woman. Specifically, your mom.

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Old 11-07-2011, 09:00 AM   #808 (permalink)
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At the tender age of eleven I learned ... the importance of trans-lateral regression among the poly-amorous primate cultures of Southern Istanbul.

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You often seem to think that the lowest-hanging-fruit makes you some sort of comedy genius. You're just not a good person. You're spiteful, constantly negative, and bring others down to make yourself feel better. I just don't have room for that.
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Old 11-07-2011, 11:38 AM   #809 (permalink)
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At the tender age of eleven I learned ... that choking oneself can significantly increase the pleasure experienced while masturbating.

#YOLO
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