Christians Say Really Funny Shit - Nubblies.net Forums

Ugly Bastard · 10-15-2006, 09:34 PM

I get my kicks off of reading this, which probably makes me a twisted fuck. Taken from some super-Christian kid's facebook profile:

Quote:

My identity in Christ is now complete. I am by no means done growing, but He has made me the man who He wants me to be and I am ready to serve Him. So much is now so clear which was a haze for so much of my life. But now I have been given a new purpose, a new direction. And so the preface of my life ends and the stpry begins. A new journey lays before me. I can only eagerly wait to experience the adventure God has written for me.

I lost it when I got to "story" and saw the typo with a P. I hope Christ teaches proofreading after he comes down and takes this kid back up to heaven with him.

AcTivE · 10-15-2006, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ugly Bastard

after he comes down and takes this kid back up to heaven with him.

He already has..and thats probably why the kid is crazy.. just an fyi.

Ugly Bastard · 10-15-2006, 10:28 PM

I never even thought about that. What if all fanatical Christians have been wisked away to heaven and their earthly bodies are now just walking around as like zombies... Christian zombies! (which sound worse than the normal ones!)

AcTivE · 10-15-2006, 10:37 PM

He's still in his body dumbass.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-15-2006, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nother facebook quote

I am currently living in the CSF, Christian Student Fellowship, House and it is an amazing place to be. I love God, I like to dance, hang out with friends, and do crazy and fun random things! God is amazing!

.

Ugly Bastard · 10-15-2006, 10:42 PM

It seems like fanatical Christians really overestimate the randomness of the shit they do.

Mr. Blonde · 10-16-2006, 12:55 AM

"Today, Joe told us about an ice cream place ALL ACROSS TOWN! And even though I have a paper due FRIDAY and today is TUESDAY, we all randomly decided on a whim to take the 20 minute drive to get the ice cream, and stayed out until MIDNIGHT!!!11 LOLZ!"

Ugly Bastard · 10-16-2006, 12:58 AM

More (this is fun):

Quote:

I think this is true for all those who ardently seek His will.
A conversation I had with God last weekend:

God: "Stand up.
Look into the sun."

Me: "I can't. It's too bright."

God: "That's your future."

It probably gets much darker after your eyes stop working because you were dumb enough to stare at the sun though.

Repugnant Abomination · 10-16-2006, 03:38 AM

Another rebellious post Christian upbringing thread by UB, just keep moving folks, nothing to see here

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-16-2006, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffereing, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgement to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? Amen
"If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?"
So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.
1 Peter 4: 12-19

She feels suffering because she is a Christian. Oh, the plight of being a Christian in Indiana!!

Beebs · 10-16-2006, 08:42 AM

How can they deal with the persecution? Maybe they are from MI, where they can BUY LIQUOR ON SUNDAY!!! Oh the degredation, its practically a second holocaust.

DJ FC · 10-16-2006, 09:24 AM

So what's your oppinion UB?

Do you think that these statements by believers are overly stupid, or that it's overly stupid to be a believer.

I would tend to think that if you genuinely believed something, and were talking to people who also believed, that your vocabulary would change quite a bit and may sound a bit corny/garbled to the outsider. If, however, you thought you were talking to a lay man, then you should try to use more commonplace statements.

Just playing devil's advocate, of course, but if these people genuinely knew something about God that I do not (their belief is cemented), then their statements don't seem obviously so bad.

Mr. Blonde · 10-16-2006, 10:06 AM

I understand their plight.

Ugly Bastard · 10-16-2006, 10:15 AM

My desire to analyze all these comments is nill. I just like reading them 'cause they make me giggle.

Quote:

Basically, I'm completely hopeless and my life is nothing WITHOUT GOD. So because he is in my life, I am held and carried by him in the mightiest, strongest arms a girl has ever seen! They're pretty massive, you should check them out

SittinOnDubsWGW · 10-17-2006, 10:13 PM

Did half of this thread get deleted?

DJ FC · 10-17-2006, 10:41 PM

way more than half

AcTivE · 10-18-2006, 11:37 AM

yea kinda of a bummer..oh well

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-18-2006, 12:10 PM

Its a sign, the lord hath smiteth thine threadeth.

AcTivE · 10-18-2006, 01:32 PM

thats what I was thinking. I said too much.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 10-18-2006, 08:28 PM

I like how He smite all the actual arguments about religion, but not the initial blasphemy.

AcTivE · 10-18-2006, 08:37 PM

God has a sense of humor.

10-15-2006, 10:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
AcTivE 1 thing leads to another. Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 2,012 Internets: -2654	He's still in his body dumbass.
	___________________ 3:o) horned creatures...wat wat ___________________

10-16-2006, 12:55 AM	#7 (permalink)
Mr. Blonde Spice Master Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 17,969 Internets: 278288	"Today, Joe told us about an ice cream place ALL ACROSS TOWN! And even though I have a paper due FRIDAY and today is TUESDAY, we all randomly decided on a whim to take the 20 minute drive to get the ice cream, and stayed out until MIDNIGHT!!!11 LOLZ!"
	Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing. ― Terence McKenna

10-16-2006, 09:24 AM	#12 (permalink)
DJ FC MURICAN Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Virginia Posts: 5,136 Internets: 250185	So what's your oppinion UB? Do you think that these statements by believers are overly stupid, or that it's overly stupid to be a believer. I would tend to think that if you genuinely believed something, and were talking to people who also believed, that your vocabulary would change quite a bit and may sound a bit corny/garbled to the outsider. If, however, you thought you were talking to a lay man, then you should try to use more commonplace statements. Just playing devil's advocate, of course, but if these people genuinely knew something about God that I do not (their belief is cemented), then their statements don't seem obviously so bad.
	The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them.

10-16-2006, 10:06 AM	#13 (permalink)
Mr. Blonde Spice Master Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 17,969 Internets: 278288	I understand their plight.
	Psychedelics are illegal not because a loving government is concerned that you may jump out of a third story window. Psychedelics are illegal because they dissolve opinion structures and culturally laid down models of behavior and information processing. ― Terence McKenna

10-17-2006, 10:41 PM	#16 (permalink)
DJ FC MURICAN Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Virginia Posts: 5,136 Internets: 250185	way more than half
	The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them.

10-15-2006, 10:28 PM	#3 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	I never even thought about that. What if all fanatical Christians have been wisked away to heaven and their earthly bodies are now just walking around as like zombies... Christian zombies! (which sound worse than the normal ones!)

10-15-2006, 10:42 PM	#6 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	It seems like fanatical Christians really overestimate the randomness of the shit they do.

10-16-2006, 03:38 AM	#9 (permalink)
Repugnant Abomination Almost there... Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 5,979 Internets: 161638	Another rebellious post Christian upbringing thread by UB, just keep moving folks, nothing to see here

10-16-2006, 08:42 AM	#11 (permalink)
Beebs Poor Sport Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Indianapolis / Middlebury / Long Lake Posts: 5,306 Internets: 127341	How can they deal with the persecution? Maybe they are from MI, where they can BUY LIQUOR ON SUNDAY!!! Oh the degredation, its practically a second holocaust.

10-17-2006, 10:13 PM	#15 (permalink)
SittinOnDubsWGW I make bad decisions. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: The Desert Posts: 3,018 Internets: 108015	Did half of this thread get deleted?

10-18-2006, 11:37 AM	#17 (permalink)
AcTivE 1 thing leads to another. Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 2,012 Internets: -2654	yea kinda of a bummer..oh well
	___________________ 3:o) horned creatures...wat wat ___________________

10-18-2006, 12:10 PM	#18 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,316 Internets: 284585	Its a sign, the lord hath smiteth thine threadeth.
	#YOLO

10-18-2006, 01:32 PM	#19 (permalink)
AcTivE 1 thing leads to another. Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 2,012 Internets: -2654	thats what I was thinking. I said too much.
	___________________ 3:o) horned creatures...wat wat ___________________

10-18-2006, 08:28 PM	#20 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,316 Internets: 284585	I like how He smite all the actual arguments about religion, but not the initial blasphemy.
	#YOLO

10-18-2006, 08:37 PM	#21 (permalink)
AcTivE 1 thing leads to another. Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 2,012 Internets: -2654	God has a sense of humor.
	___________________ 3:o) horned creatures...wat wat ___________________

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