Official Instant Messenger Thread (Where you fuck with people's lives for our fun)

[Ugly Bastard]

I recently started a thread located here and Orgazmo started one here. So it dawned on me that we could get quite a few laughs if we had posts like this all the time. So here is what I propose for this thread:

Anytime some loser with no life that is just sitting behind a computer out there, sends you a message and attempts to become your "friend" (even though the chances of the two of you someday meeting each other are close to about 0.0002341605%), I say, why not fuck with them to the point that they want to kill themselves?

So the remainder of replies in this forum will not be trash-talking. They will not be "nice idea ugly", all they will be are copy-pasted IM conversations that you have had with complete strangers, that you in-turn fuck with their head just to get a good laugh out of us nubblies patrons.

You're welcome, and enjoy.....I sure will.

-Ugly Bastard

I got a forward url on icq from ICQ#158617078, so, as I always do, I messaged the sender.

<me> fuck you captain cunt-bear
<him> fuck you mother fock
<him> fuck you muthafucka suck dicker cock sitter
<me> hey Adônis, how are you today?
<him> i'm very bad
<me> why is that? maybe I can help, I'm a therapist
<him> no.no now
<me> alright
where are you from?
<him> brasil
<him> you know max?
<me> I've talked to him
<him> he send you to me
<me> ahh, that's a good time
is that why you cursed at me?
<him> no..no
is that why you cursed at me first
<me> tell me, Apônis, when did I curse at you?
<him> when you said:fuck you captain cunt-bear
<me> Apônis, I think we have a misunderstanding on our hands. In american, if you say "fuck you captain cunt bear," that is slang for "thanks, friend"
<me> i can understand how you would misunderstand though, I am sorry for calling you a cunt bear and I'm sorry for saying "fuck you"
<him> ok
<me> can we still be friend, Apônis?
I'll be your cunt-bear if you'll be mine.
<him> ok

I'm also talking to the "max" that is spoken of here...and have him convinced that a "cunt-bear" is a close friend in English slang. I'll tell ya, these fucking Brazilians...

[buckeye]

okay i am a rookie at this, so here is my first attempt.....

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: u horny babe hi a/as/l

swimmer2161: me horny? about as horny as a sexbear. 22/ as?/kentucky

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: what uhorny from hun lol

swimmer2161: the thought of thousands of mindless ethopians being set on fire

swimmer2161: are you a ethopian?
abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: whats that lol sorry

swimmer2161: a ethopian is a raging homosexual, who actively takes it in the asshole from sex deprived bengal tigers

swimmer2161: you're not one are you?

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: u lke that lol

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: u str8 or bi

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: no lol

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: are u str8 or bi

swimmer2161: i like the thought of severing your head from your body

swimmer2161: by the way might want to check your spelling on "str8"

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: what u talking about

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: sorry are u or what usaying lol

swimmer2161: i am talking about the fact that "str8" doesnt make an appearance in an english dictionary, what are "usaying"

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: straight lol

swimmer2161: there you go, so are you a "rug muncher", in your spare time?

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: what

swimmer2161: are you a "rug muncher"?

swimmer2161: mongolians are rug munchers also

swimmer2161: (well guess she is a rug muncher folks, seeing how she isnt replying to my message)

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: what u saying

swimmer2161: what i say, is u munch rugs, just like mongolian.

swimmer2161: well i guess so, its okay every girl tastes pink eventually

swimmer2161: so tell me do you like the taste of pussy? ( i use pussy now since she hasnt caught onto any of the slang)

swimmer2161: (still no answer)

swimmer2161: are you a lesbian?

swimmer2161: its okay, no need to bottle up those feelings inside of you. now seriously are you a lesbian?

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: no why

swimmer2161: you just strike me as one

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: why

swimmer2161: well for starters look at your name "abercrombie fitch teen17". your name is the stereotypical teenage girl, therefore you have some enfatuation with the average teenage girl. now most teenage girls wouldnt resort to the internet to get their sexual "fix". You on the otherhand do just that, therefore you are fat, cant get any guys, and therefore have to depend on your fellow lesbians to give you that fix

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: what lol ya right see ya crazy

swimmer2161: okay fatass

swimmer2161: hey did i mention i thought of you earlier

abercrombie_fitch_teenn17: why

swimmer2161: i was taking a monster shit, and looked down at my work of art, then i swear to god it looked just like your face

swimmer2161: do you have a picture to send me so i can confirm my thinking?

swimmer2161: guess my thinking was right afterall, thats for confirming this for me

swimmer2161: (its been about 10 mins now) officially abercrombie fitch teen 17, is a lesbian, is fat, and looks like my shit

swimmer2161: www.nubblies.com you'll find yourself on there


well whats the verdict on my first time? good, okay, horrible? let me know

[slooshbag]

on my sister's aol fucking with this homo haha

grmillertime: what up
KateL84AD8: icehouse is better u faggot
grmillertime: what?
KateL84AD8: icehouse the beer..its the shit..why do u drink miller, i heard thats for bitches
grmillertime: i drink anything
KateL84AD8: even jizz u fudge packer
grmillertime: shit
grmillertime: thats disgusting
KateL84AD8: then why do u drink it
KateL84AD8: so..do u like girls also
grmillertime: i love girlz
KateL84AD8: then why do u fool around with boys
KateL84AD8: hey queer are u going to answer...or are u busy blowing your room-mate
grmillertime: shut up
grmillertime: your disgusint
grmillertime: disgusting
grmillertime: do you drink cum?
KateL84AD8: oh good one..u already told me u like guys remember..or wait are u hitting on me??? can't u spell
KateL84AD8: ?
grmillertime: yea i'm hitting on you
grmillertime: whats it to ya
KateL84AD8: omg.. you are a fucking homo..
KateL84AD8: whats your special.. rimjobs?
grmillertime: what the fuck
KateL84AD8: i heard your mom is good at those
grmillertime: i heard your good at taking it in the ass
grmillertime: and your dad usually gives you a dick
KateL84AD8: haha are u seriously in college..that sounds like something someone would say in middle school..
grmillertime: fuck you bitch
grmillertime: i'd come over and stick my dick in your ass myself.....but i don't need any diseases
grmillertime: skank hoe
KateL84AD8: dude im a dude..but i guess it wouldn't matter to you cause your a homo!
KateL84AD8: oh my gosh u just told everyone that your gay
KateL84AD8: whats your full name..i gotta hear this
grmillertime: who is this?
grmillertime: obviously not katie
grmillertime: so fuck you flamer......you don't have any thing better to do than talk to people you don't know
grmillertime: what a fucking loser
KateL84AD8: so bitch u think katie has diseases...what me to beat the shit out of u
KateL84AD8: give me your address..
grmillertime: i'll kick your fucking ass
KateL84AD8: right now
grmillertime: 720 W centenial
KateL84AD8: i will be there in an hour..
grmillertime: good
grmillertime: get ready to get your ass beat
KateL84AD8: with friends
KateL84AD8: so get yours also
grmillertime: you need friends
grmillertime: what a pussy
KateL84AD8: call me a pussy
grmillertime: pussy
KateL84AD8: see ya in an hour
grmillertime: bring thousands of friens
grmillertime: ds
grmillertime: pussy
KateL84AD8: ever had a bat to the head?
grmillertime: you need weapons
grmillertime: what a pussy
grmillertime: why don't you fight w/ fists
KateL84AD8: i know u have dick to your mouth so i wasn't sure
grmillertime: make sure you bring a gun too
grmillertime: its your only chance
KateL84AD8: cause i wanna hurt u bad..worse than when your lil bro stuck his dick in you ass
KateL84AD8: your ass
KateL84AD8: naa guns arn't needed, are u going to have one?
grmillertime: fuck no
grmillertime: i don't need bats either pussy
KateL84AD8: what do u look like..and whats your name
KateL84AD8: so i can ask
grmillertime: 6'8
grmillertime: 220
grmillertime: and you don't need to know my name
KateL84AD8: not your size fuck face
grmillertime: ask katie if you wanna know
KateL84AD8: i'm 5'10 220.. got me beat on the reach..but my bad is a 32in so it will make up
KateL84AD8: my bat that is
grmillertime: yea, go ahead and use that bat you pussy
grmillertime: its your only chance
KateL84AD8: we will see, have u ever been into a fight
grmillertime: yea plenty
KateL84AD8: 6'8 220..pretty skinny
grmillertime: not exactly
KateL84AD8: yea you are
KateL84AD8: a skinny tall bitch
grmillertime: 5'10 220........must be a fat ass
KateL84AD8: all muscle ask katie
grmillertime: fat little stubby no neck mother fucker
KateL84AD8: haha im solid.. use to be a runningback..till i got kicked out of school for hitting my history teacher..had a full ride to IU..now im stuck at bsu
KateL84AD8: ready to take it out on your basketball ass
grmillertime: bring it
KateL84AD8: i'm on my way..check out
KateL84AD8: http://www.nubblies.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000130.html
KateL84AD8: to see my pic
grmillertime: if your a real man, leave your bat
KateL84AD8: if your a real man you better run pussy
grmillertime: wheres the pic
grmillertime: i can't find it

[buckeye]

soursugar_2002: hey hows it going?

me: ohh just fine and dandy, todays a great day isnt it?

soursugar_2002: yes, a/s

me: 19 m, how bout you?

soursugar_2002: 18/f

me: cool, so what hobbies do you have?

soursugar_2002: read, exercise, party and u

me: exercise, how superific, what type of exercise do you do?

soursugar_2002: jog

me: so i bet your in pretty good shape then correct?

soursugar_2002: yes what r ur hobbies

me: ohh just about the same as everyone i know, raping young children, robbing banks, and scalping mexicans.

soursugar_2002: good bye

me: hahah, cant you take a joke.

me: kinda funny you have to admit

me: jeeez well it gave me a good chuckle, someone must be raggin' cause they cant take a joke

me: b
me: i
me: t
me: c
me: h

me: looks like there is more sour to you than sugar

me: get it

me: hahhahahah

me: (well folks i have given up on this one looks like the bitch gets very offensive)

me: btw you'll find yourself at www.nubblies.com

[This message has been edited by buckeye (edited December 03, 2002).]

[buckeye]

this one is quite funny, i got distracted here and there, cause i was talking to people so granted it could have turned out better but here is my latest work.


swimmer2161: hey hows it going?

lildevil18818: pretty good

lildevil18818: u?

swimmer2161: tired but otherwise good

swimmer2161: i saw your picture and damn, your hot

lildevil18818: lol

lildevil18818: thanks

lildevil18818: ur pretty cute too

swimmer2161: no problem, anyone as beautiful as you deserves the credit

swimmer2161: so do you have a bf?

lildevil18818: not at the moment

swimmer2161: no way

lildevil18818: lol

lildevil18818: way

swimmer2161: your just a big tease arent you, you strut your stuff, but let no-one claim it as their own

lildevil18818: lol

lildevil18818: i flirt but not as much as u think

lildevil18818: im a shy flirt..i do it without even knowing it

swimmer2161: really? i see you as very outgoing. but then again, the hot silent ones, wow they strike a key with me

lildevil18818: lol

lildevil18818: that is what i am

lildevil18818: very shy

swimmer2161: well thats fine by me

swimmer2161: shit

swimmer2161: shit

swimmer2161: shit

swimmer2161: i just realized i typed the wrong conversation here

swimmer2161: fuck, what the hell was i thinking. i am sorry, let me take a quick look at your profile

*********here is the link for it**********
http://profiles.yahoo.com/lildevil18818

***************************************

swimmer2161: wow what happened

swimmer2161: did someone take a baseball bat to your head?

lildevil18818: lol

lildevil18818: no

swimmer2161: then why the hell are you so damn ugly? seriously you must have had ogres for parents

lildevil18818: okay

lildevil18818: whatever

swimmer2161: do your parents have a lot of money?

lildevil18818: stop please

lildevil18818: now is not time

swimmer2161: i was just going to say maybe they could take you to a plastic surgeon for christmas

swimmer2161: but hey i am stopping now

swimmer2161: ....

swimmer2161: .....

lildevil18818: fuck u

lildevil18818: that is just wrong

swimmer2161: no id rather not, fucking elephants is not my idea of fun

lildevil18818: yeah ur right

lildevil18818: im ugly

lildevil18818: i know

lildevil18818: and fat

lildevil18818: and deserve to die

swimmer2161: hahha keep going

swimmer2161: hey take some rat poison

swimmer2161: i hear it goes pretty quick

swimmer2161: you wont suffer much

lildevil18818: i like pain

swimmer2161: wow even better, let me give you a few ideas

swimmer2161: drink hydrochloric acid

lildevil18818: sorry i g2g

lildevil18818: i have a paper to write

swimmer2161: or maybe take it up the ass from a rhino

swimmer2161: is it about how ugly you are?

lildevil18818: nope

swimmer2161: how fat you are?

lildevil18818: about something even better

swimmer2161: how you'll only be able to get some, from a sex deprived ethopian?

swimmer2161: am i getting close here? a hint would be nice right about now

swimmer2161: hmm well looks like i've pushed her to the point of death

***********
she stops talking for about 5mins
******

swimmer2161: Misson Accomplished

lildevil18818: no u havent

swimmer2161: damnit

swimmer2161: fuck

swimmer2161: shit

swimmer2161: bitch

lildevil18818: i dont fuckin care what u think

lildevil18818: ur not that hot

swimmer2161: why the hell not

lildevil18818: ur pretty fuckin ugly for me

lildevil18818: and ur fuckin cocky

lildevil18818: its ppl like u that r fuckin stupid

swimmer2161: wow those hurt keep going bitch

lildevil18818: and have low selfesteem

lildevil18818: thanks for helpin my paper out more
swimmer2161: "r" "fuckin" umm check your spelling there einstein

lildevil18818: yeah

lildevil18818: uh huh

lildevil18818: u did it

swimmer2161: are you going to be a english major in college?

lildevil18818: nope

lildevil18818: but thanks for the idea fucker

lildevil18818: bye

swimmer2161: wow
swimmer2161: i am a fucker

(she leaves again briefly)

swimmer2161: welcome back shit face

lildevil18818: u?

swimmer2161: "u" i can see why your so fucking fat, your so lazy you can't even finish typing "you"

lildevil18818: yeah uh huh

lildevil18818: still not caring

lildevil18818: go ahead call me whatever

lildevil18818: i still dont care and wont care

swimmer2161: yeah your still not on a exercise bike either

lildevil18818: are you mental retarded?

swimmer2161: well look who can spell

lildevil18818: *mentally

swimmer2161: thats probably the most intelligent comment i've heard in a long time

lildevil18818: just like your ugly and fat jokes

lildevil18818: i have heard so much better ones

lildevil18818: im so disappointed in you

swimmer2161: i am not joking, i only speak the truth

lildevil18818: that is the best you can do?

lildevil18818: damn i feel so disappointed now

swimmer2161: well lets see the comebacks then

lildevil18818: but i don't except much from some fucking ugly ass cock sucker

swimmer2161: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

swimmer2161: damn that was a good one

swimmer2161: shit i am going to write a paper on how i am a fucking loser

lildevil18818: doesnt surprise me though

lildevil18818: your a swimmer

lildevil18818: you enjoy watching other guy nut's fall out

lildevil18818: and the tight speedos

swimmer2161: thats a good comeback, chalk that one up

swimmer2161: hey those speedos probably couldnt fit around your arms

lildevil18818: i wouldnt be surprised if you got it up the ass every once in a great while

lildevil18818: i feel so sorry for all the girls that have screwed you

swimmer2161: that was a stab in the dark, your losing momentum much like you would if your fatass tried walking to the kitchen

lildevil18818: you couldn't even get it in because it was so small

lildevil18818: don't even get me started on how ugly you are

swimmer2161: oh no, not that

lildevil18818: you are a fucking small

lildevil18818: you have no muscle

swimmer2161: thats a chuckle

lildevil18818: my little bro could easier take you one
lildevil18818: you have nothing there

lildevil18818: im so disappointed

swimmer2161: another great example of proper grammar there

lildevil18818: you make my grandma look like a body builder

lildevil18818: damn

lildevil18818: i would love to stay and chat with you

lildevil18818: but i have a paper due tomorrow

lildevil18818: gnite

Yahoo! Messenger: lildevil18818 has logged out. (12/3/2002 at 9:57 PM)

swimmer2161: well if your grandma looks anything like you i'm not too worried

swimmer2161:damn she got off

swimmer2161: well hopefully ill never see this fat ass bitch online again (assuming she kills herself)

swimmer2161: and for when this fatass gets back online again, she can check out www.nubblies.com where here fatass will be featured.


sorry didnt do much editing on it, and i was also to lazy to link anything.

[This message has been edited by buckeye (edited December 03, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by buckeye (edited December 03, 2002).]

It's long, but there are some good parts...
Blade is a random person...a Pirate is Orgazmo and 50 Cent is...50 Cent. Enjoy


Chat Participants: a Pirate ,50 Cent ,Blade

<Blade>
<a Pirate> Hello
<Blade> lol
<50 Cent> maybe you should go suck a cock
<Blade>
<Blade> fuck yer pathetic
<Blade>
<50 Cent>
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> wow, why are we all talking in such a foul tone?
<Blade> cause this junior here thinks he can jsut come outta nowehere and diss
<50 Cent> well we got a dirty canadian in here. son of a bitch tried to steal my wallet
<50 Cent>
<Blade> he don't even know me
<Blade> gay ass bitch
<Blade>
<50 Cent> you jew
<a Pirate> why do you insuilt people without even knowing them?
<a Pirate>
<Blade> u like to suck cock don't ya
<Blade>
<50 Cent>
<Blade> cause he's a fag obviously
<50 Cent> dude dont hate me
<50 Cent> I'm just playin with yah
<50 Cent>
<50 Cent> chill out bro
<50 Cent>
<50 Cent> we cool
<50 Cent>
<Blade> naaa man come on now
<50 Cent> fo sho man
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> guys, let's just be cool and have a nice conversation
<Blade> who are u anyways
<Blade>
<Blade>
<Blade> u from the states too?
<a Pirate> I am...
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> are you two?
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> Juice, I'm sorry man. I'm from Detroit Michigan
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> I'm from Inglewood, CA
<a Pirate>
<Blade> I'm from canada
<a Pirate> that's cool, Canada is a great place to visit
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> yeah I've been there once, it was nice.
<50 Cent>
<Blade> lol, maybe that's cause ya get double the money
<Blade>
<a Pirate> of course, if I lived there I'd probably go try to find a sale on rope...but that's a different story
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> lolol sad is right, sir
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> so how old are you?
<a Pirate>
<Blade> lolol sad that's not right tho
<50 Cent> so what do you think about the states?
<Blade> 16
<Blade>
<Blade> u?
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> I'm 17, I have not killed 10 people though...
<a Pirate>
<Blade> lolol
<Blade>
<a Pirate> On the other hand, I'll guarantee that I'm responsible for more lost virginities than you two combined
<a Pirate>
<Blade> lolololol
<50 Cent> i'm 18, and I've killed 10 people so far.
<Blade>
<a Pirate> Lost virginities by force, that is
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> hell yes they do...have you a point?
<a Pirate>
<Blade> lost virginities only go to perverts dawg..get the gals who can work the shit
<50 Cent> hahha
<50 Cent>
<50 Cent> bullshit, I like the virgin pussy it's tight
<Blade> well yeah but ya gotta take a lil bit of pity on em
<50 Cent> better than that skank shit you get in Canada.
<a Pirate> Whenever I have nothing to do on a Saturday night, I normally go out to the clubs and try to find as many bitches as possible, I promise them all kinds of shit, then I fuck them
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> Right before I climax, I pull of the sock and let loose right in their hogbox
<a Pirate>
<Blade> lolol
<a Pirate> it's hilarious, they get so pissed and worried, but there's nothing they can do except go have an abortion
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> hahaha
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> god bless me and my mantool
<a Pirate>
<Blade> hey man we got hott laadies here too
<Blade>
<Blade> same amount in fact
<a Pirate> name some famous hot canadians...
<a Pirate>
<Blade> aight
<Blade> hold up while i pull out a fuckin book
<50 Cent> hahaha
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> you need a book?
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> honestly dude.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> I can name 20 hot americans for every inch of cock that I have
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> you know the guys' names thought don't you.
<50 Cent>
<Blade> jesus man i don't know their names!
<Blade>
<Blade> hahhaa
<a Pirate> famous...that's the key word here
<a Pirate>
<Blade> naa
<Blade> yeah i know
<Blade> i know of one right hot gurl, she was off that show Popular Mechanics for kids a while back
<Blade> she's in the october issue of Maxim she's canadian
<Blade>
<50 Cent> no she's not, liar.
<50 Cent>
<Blade> lol
<Blade> yeah i lie
<50 Cent> you do. it's a known fact, don't trust a canadian
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> it's a proven point that no hot women have ever come from canada...
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> mexico has produced better ass...hows thatke you feel?
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> what the fuck kind of name is Juice anyways?
<Blade> lol
<Blade> lolol
<Blade> naaa
<50 Cent> are you like trying to go for ManJuice?
<Blade> inside joke wit my gurl and her friend
<Blade> mexico got bitches..period
<Blade>
<a Pirate> jennifer lopez
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> match her
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> what canadian matches jennifer lopez
<a Pirate>
<Blade> they ugle man, that's sicknin
<50 Cent> no shit I would love to slam J Lo
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> I can name 78 americans that I'd rather dip into...
<a Pirate>
<Blade> jennifer lopez is ..jennifer lopez..
<Blade> i can't
<a Pirate> good call
<a Pirate> j-lo is j-lo
<a Pirate> great logic
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> yes you're a fucking genius man.
<50 Cent>
<Blade> well she is man, i can't find anyone better..she's ..just hot
<Blade> i can't think of anyone right off the bat ..
<a Pirate> Blade, let me ask you something.
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> If I offered you sex with Jennifer Lopez, would you jerk off a beagle puppy?
<a Pirate>
<Blade> specially since i don't know, even if i did u wouldn't
<Blade> are u gay?
<a Pirate> no, having sex with animals and homosexuality aren't related...
<a Pirate>
<Blade> lol
<a Pirate> It's a simple question.
<a Pirate>
<Blade> my bad
<Blade> i'd fuck her not the dog
<a Pirate> Did you read the proposition though?
<a Pirate>
<Blade> sounds like u'd pick the dog tho
<Blade>
<Blade> and
<a Pirate> It'd be a beagle, a puppy. About 3 - 4 weeks old. He wouldn't take too long to bust, they normally don't @ that age.
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> and after jacking off that puppy, you'd get to plunge into J Lo's vagina.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> seriously Blade, what If your doorbell rang and there stood me, a Pirate, offering your J-lo's holes for one jerk off of this beagle...what would your honest response be?
<a Pirate>
<Blade> hahahalolol
<50 Cent> damn...you only had to do it once, but I guess if you wanted to do it till it died...that'd work...
<Blade> i'd jerk it dead..lol
<a Pirate> you'd jerk it dead...?
<Blade>
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> hmm...
<a Pirate>
<Blade> hahahha
<a Pirate> does that mean you'd jerk the dead puppy? or you'd jerk it until it was dead?
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> maybe you could just skip the sex with j lo and jack that beagle off twice? sounds like you'd enjoy that more.
<a Pirate> Yeah, I can get you a few more beagles if that's your thing...
<a Pirate>
<Blade> jokin fellas come on, i was playingi'd jerk it till it was deadfuck off
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> Alright, maybe I was asking the wrong question...
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> if animals is your thing bro...
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> What about this, Blade, what if I was at your door and offered you sex with 20 beagles...all you had to do was have sex with Jennifer Lopez first. What would you say to that?
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> Blade, have you ever seen your mother naked?
<a Pirate> Blade, how many knuckles deep have you been in your mother?
<Blade> tell me, who's more sick, the people who come up with the idea, or the ones who are willing to actually do it to get wit her.
<a Pirate>
<Blade>
<a Pirate> be honest.
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> no blade, I sure haven't.
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> seriously though, when you saw your mom naked, did it arouse you?
<50 Cent>
<50 Cent> well I dont have a sister, dip shit.
<a Pirate> no, it didn't arose me. why? because arose isn't a word.
<a Pirate>
<Blade> hjave u ever fucked yer dad? when u saw yer sis naked, did it arose u?well what about yer mom
<a Pirate> well, it is a word
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> but it doesn't make sense in the context you used it, of course
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> my mom, unfourtunatly, was one of my 10.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> my mom was killed in the holocaust
<a Pirate>
<Blade> aren't u so lucky
<Blade>
<a Pirate> she was a nazi that was taken by the allied forces
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> Blade, are you saying I'm not lucky, or that I am lucky?
<Blade> I'm saying u've had the best childhood experience u could get based on yer own problems man..
<50 Cent>
<Blade> cause you are one sick mutherfucka
<Blade>
<a Pirate> alright alright, let's clean this up a bit
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> Alright man, well I never fucked my "muther" I killed her.
<Blade>
<Blade>
<Blade>
<Blade> excuse the pun..
<50 Cent>
<50 Cent> Alright, pun, you're excused. What is excused?
<50 Cent>
<Blade> the pun
<a Pirate> Blade, would you let your cock be clawed by an eagle for 10 seconds for 1,000 dollars?
<a Pirate>
<Blade> no
<a Pirate> 10,000?
<a Pirate>
<Blade> no
<a Pirate> liar.
<a Pirate>
<Blade>
<Blade>
<a Pirate> 5 seconds for $5,000.
<a Pirate>
<Blade> no
<50 Cent> you're a fucking liar.
<a Pirate> What if I told you I'd give you a thousand dollars for every second that you let an eagle claw at your cock...minimum of half a second, how long would you let it claw?
<a Pirate>
<Blade> listen boys, if an eagle got ahold of yer dick for even 3 seconds, it's fuckin gone.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> no, this is a baby eagle
<a Pirate>
<Blade> baby eagle or not
<50 Cent> On the contrary. I have a pet eagle. I let it claw at my cock all of the time. It's still there.
<50 Cent>
<Blade> it's gonna take yer dick clean off
<Blade>
<Blade> well ya got a fucked up eagle
<a Pirate> yeah, after school I let my pet eagle claw at my cock for at least 15 minutes so that I build up a tolerance for it
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> I'm going on a camping trip this coming summer, I want to be ready for the eagles out there
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> bald, of course
<a Pirate>
<Blade> what kinda eagle?
<a Pirate> bald like your mother's twat
<a Pirate>
<Blade> bald ..lol righghhtt
<Blade> i wouldn't know
<50 Cent> what the fuck does righghhtt mean?
<Blade>
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> it means that his mothers twat it, indeed, bald
<a Pirate>
<Blade> right
<a Pirate> don't lie to me, Argentina
<Blade>
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> you son of a bitch.
<50 Cent>
<Blade> argentina?
<Blade>
<a Pirate> the truth is...I never left you
<a Pirate>
<Blade> wtf are u talking bout
<Blade>
<a Pirate> that's right, delete that shit
<a Pirate>
<Blade> LOL
<Blade>
<Blade> i think u've had to many pills
<Blade> or something cum on the brain
<Blade>
<50 Cent> if I had too many pills I'd be dead.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> good point...
<a Pirate>
<Blade> or ya got braing damage man??
<Blade>
<Blade> brain
<Blade>
<50 Cent> yes, I have braing damage. Actually I don't even have a fucking braing.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> i once knew a kid who had a braing, his name was Captain Typo
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> haha
<50 Cent> I heard he sucked alot of dick.
<50 Cent>
<Blade> how old are u guys again?
<50 Cent> 3 years old
<Blade>
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> I turned 44 last August
<a Pirate>
<Blade> yeah my point
<Blade>
<a Pirate> what? we're 44 and 3, respectively.
<a Pirate>
<Blade> sad..
<a Pirate> we average 23.5 or so...that's not too old for this shit
<a Pirate>
<Blade> Pirate sounds like a mathematician
<Blade>
<Blade> lol
<50 Cent> what do I sound like.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> because I can divide 47 by 2? yeah, i'm a fucking mathematician
<a Pirate>
<Blade> 44
<Blade> 44 and 3
<a Pirate> = 47 /2 = 23.5...
<a Pirate>
<Blade> lol
<Blade>
<Blade>
<Blade> u?
<Blade> i haven't payed much attention to u
<50 Cent> and why's that?
<Blade> yer screen keep fuckin up
<50 Cent> no your screen keep fuckin up
<Blade> no urrsss
<a Pirate> Blade, have you ever fought a pirate?
<a Pirate>
<Blade> just keeps going away and disappearini have to click on the scroll bar..to get the writing back up..when i t doesn't even move.
<Blade>
<Blade> have i fought a pirate..
<a Pirate> that was the question.
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> pussy
<a Pirate>
<Blade> no
<Blade>
<a Pirate> bullshit
<a Pirate>
<Blade> haven't come across one
<Blade>
<a Pirate> i'm a pirate, you've come across me
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> let's fight, bitch
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> you haven't fought a pirate, fuckin pussy.
<50 Cent>
<Blade> yeah but i can't exactly doo anything..ya know?
<a Pirate> fuck you, blade, i'll fucking slice you
<a Pirate>
<Blade> suck cock
<Blade> it was a command
<Blade>
<Blade> i haven't fought a pirate..
<a Pirate> was that a command or an observation? or a wish? or a sex cunt? or a type of bear from the nothermost arctic? I really am unclear
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> alright, thanks for that
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> goodtimes, I'm sorry to hear that, but goodtimes nonetheless
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> Have you ever tangled with a ninja?
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> Probably not. Pirate are much tougher, anyway
<a Pirate>
<Blade> since i'd murder ya...naaa wouldn't have to
<Blade>
<50 Cent> ever fought a fucking nigger?
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> Blade, if I put a tagger on teh tip of my cock and sat in a lawn chair, i could defeat you
<a Pirate>
<Blade> who are u man?
<a Pirate> Johnny Tapblossom is my name...from Inglewood California
<a Pirate>
<Blade> not u
<Blade> the other guy
<a Pirate> the cunt bear?
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> I'm Lank man.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> his name is Pringles
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> I'm Pingles Lank is my name
<50 Cent>
<50 Cent> from Detroit Michigan.
<50 Cent>
<50 Cent> I am a Mage. Actually I'm a War Mage.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> he knows magery and shit...he can fucking sent fireballs at you
<a Pirate>
<Blade> that's beautiful
<Blade>
<50 Cent> I will fuck you man
<50 Cent>
<50 Cent> seriously.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> not beautiful as much as deadly...but call it what you will
<a Pirate>
<Blade> u'd liek to queer
<Blade>
<50 Cent> I will make a bear fuck you
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> "u'd liek to queer" interesting...
<a Pirate>
<Blade> i'll rape u witrh a fuckin stick fag..
<a Pirate> a stick fag?
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> what's a "stick fag"?
<a Pirate> how do you rape with "stick fag"s?
<Blade> where u coming from
<50 Cent>
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate>
<Blade> STICK,,,,,,,,, FAG
<50 Cent> STICK A STICK IN YOUR ASS BITCH
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> AHH, MAYBE IF YOU CAPITALIZE IT I'LL UNDERSTAND IT BETTER
<a Pirate> NOPE, NO DICE
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> MAYBE IF YOU PUNCTUATE YOU'LL HAVE A DIFFERENT TYPE OF SUCCESS
<a Pirate>
<Blade> maybe if ya get a fuckin life, and actually bother to understand the perception of it, u'll undewrstand
<Blade>
<a Pirate> how would i undewrstand?
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> please tell me how to do the aforementioned...as I've never even heard of it...let alone practiced it
<a Pirate>
<Blade> yeah..
<50 Cent> yeah right
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> you're a pussy, that's clear
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> you fucking loser
<Blade> i'm out i got shit ta do
<50 Cent> fucking candaian.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> listen, I'll fucking send a hoarde of cheetahs to your house to fuck you up, bitch
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> I'm going to piss on your fucking grave bitch.
<a Pirate> i have all types of animals that do my biddings...that's what pirates do
<a Pirate>
<Blade> listen bitch, u got some fuckin nerve running yer mouth bout a canadian
<50 Cent> fuck you dirtry candian.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> hahaha, oh beautiful canada, shit-hold of the world
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> If the world was a body, Canada would be the ass, and your house would be the actual asshole (making you a piece of shit)
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> thats because we're better than canadians.
<50 Cent>
<Blade> ya know what man, i've met way to many people like you, seems they all americans, and they all full of themselves, but ya know, ya ain't worth my fuckin trouble..
<Blade> yer better than noone bitch, specially acting like that ya gay ass cunt
<a Pirate> My life goal is to start a canadian holocaust
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> canadians are connected with al quede
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> When captain a Pirate is done with you, canadians will be much weaker than they already are
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> I guarantee at least 6 million casualties
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> well too bad bullets can't hurt me.
<50 Cent>
<Blade> i'll pop both u bitches,m u don't even know
<a Pirate> listen Blade, I'm a Pirate...
<a Pirate>
<Blade> to bad yer a faggot..
<50 Cent> I aquire a bullet sheild by raping 3 little children at once. after killing their mother.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> alright, hey, let's stop the shit and just chill
<a Pirate>
<Blade> naa fuck ya
<a Pirate> I actually have a real question for you Blade
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> yeah dog. let's just chill out, take a chill pill.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> I'm serious now, I'm done fucking around
<a Pirate>
<Blade> yer dead lank you queer ass bitch
<a Pirate> Blade, why are you cursing?
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> cut me some slack jack.
<a Pirate> Didn't you see we were done with that?
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> Honestly, let's just chill out a little bit
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent>
<Blade> next time u come around wit yer remarks, i'm gonna smack the shit outta u.
<Blade> Fuck u bitch
<50 Cent> listen bitch, if you threaten me one more time I'm going to drive my ass to canada and skull fuck your sister.
<50 Cent>
<50 Cent> your g/f

<50 Cent> 's a slut
<50 Cent>
<Blade> u go for it i fuckin wait for ya, want my number, ya can call me when ya get here
<50 Cent> and a bitch.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> I fucked your g/f once...it was comparable to putting my dick into a warm glass of water
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> she's a loose bitch, that's a fact
<a Pirate>
<Blade> yer a dick
<Blade> lol
<50 Cent> she said you aint giving her the cock
<Blade> stupid ass bitches, don't even understand..
<50 Cent> she thinks your a fag.
<50 Cent>
<50 Cent> so she calls me up to slip it to her
<50 Cent>
<Blade> she wouldn't touch u dirrty ass
<50 Cent> oh she loves to touch me
<50 Cent>
<Blade>
<a Pirate> She wouldn't touch my dirty ass...but once I shower a bit she'll be all over me
<a Pirate>
<Blade> fuck u got problems man,m i think u should spend more time trying to actuallyget some instead of dreaming about it.
<50 Cent> sometimes when your g/f is ragging, she calls me over to fuck her, I"m like no bitch, so she just gives me head instead. she loves to suck cock. seriously.
<50 Cent>
<Blade> you talk big for someone who doesn't know much bout it.
<a Pirate> Just last tuesday she called me and Pringles Lank over to her house...she was ridin' the cotton pony, so I got between her legs and opened wide as Pringles jumped on her stomach. Wow, what a treat.
<a Pirate>
<Blade> man i think ya got it mixed up cause that was me and my homeoby raping yer mom junior
<a Pirate> you ate my mom's menstrual cycle? wow, you're a sick fucker.
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> sick fucker.
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> YOU'RE GROSS AS SHIT!
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> YOU SICK MOTHERFUCKER!!
<a Pirate>
<Blade>
<a Pirate> BLADE EATS BLOOD FROM THE PUSSY!!! HAHAHA!!!!!
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> SICK ASS FUCKER!!!
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> BLADE IS A SICK SICK MOTHERFUCKER
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> THATS SO GROSS!!
<50 Cent>
<Blade> obviously someone doesn't understand the term of rape.
<a Pirate> HE FUCKING EATS THE PERIOD OF MENSTRUATING FEMALES!! WHAT A DUMB FUCKER!! SICK!
<a Pirate>
<Blade> reuires the penis dick
<Blade>
<50 Cent> hold up hold up
<a Pirate> ahh, the penis dick
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> it require the penis? or the dick? or the penis dick?
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> no lank, the penis dick
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> ahhh
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate> not the penis
<a Pirate> not the dick
<a Pirate> the penis dick
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> the penis dick is his nickname for "menstrual cycle consumer elite", which is the tool he uses to scrape out all the period juice that get's struck to the vaginal walls
<a Pirate>
<Blade> yeah u must spend alotta time on the internet lookin this shit up
<Blade> yer one of those computer geeks..
<Blade>
<Blade> i know ya are..
<a Pirate> yeah, I must...because there really exists such a thing as a "menstrual cycle consumer elite" and all...
<a Pirate>
<Blade> fuck..you got issues
<Blade>
<a Pirate> Lank, I think it's time that we hang this up.
<a Pirate>
<50 Cent> yeah me too
<50 Cent>
<a Pirate>
<a Pirate> http://www.nubblies.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000130.html
<Blade> ahh
<50 Cent> i'm fucking his grandma right now, and i'm about to bust.
<50 Cent>
<Blade> that's sick man..
<Blade> suck dick bitches
<Blade>
<a Pirate> when you get a chance
<a Pirate>

End Chat Session

[Titan]

so yeah after a while I guess he gave up, I didn't get much out of him though cuz it was mostly automated, i only got a couple actual messages... ah well... fake names will be used to protect the innocent...

172750276: (My ICQ Name), see my website at http://work4u2.globalredirect.com/

"Titonious": hey what's up man?

172750276: I want to tell you something (My ICQ Name)

"Titonious": fucking do it then you damn jewbastard!

172750276: Sorry to bother you.
Good Bye (My ICQ Name).

"Titonious": wait. i'm cold and alone.

172750276: what

"Titonious": just kidding you fucking faggot, god, you're obviously a retarded flamer.

172750276: (My ICQ Name), see my website at http://work4u2.globalredirect.com/

"Titonious": you already told me that you stupid dick!
who the fuck's ass did you pop out of this morning anyway??
tell you what, why don't you go see mine: www.killyourself.com
and while you're at it... do it. jackass.

172750276: Sorry to bother you.
Good Bye (My ICQ Name).

"Titonious": who the fuck is this? do you realize you sound like a fucking moron, why don't you go find yourself a street corner so you can go make some real money you fucking loser.

172750276: just the one who will help you if you like it

"Titonious": if that means proceeding to jam your miniature shlong up my bunghole then you can count me out you dirty ass fag

172750276: (My ICQ Name), see my website at http://work4u2.globalredirect.com/

"Titonious": hey FUCKFACE! how bout you see my fucking military issue m-16 blow your fucking shit-for-brains out of that thick skull of yours you stupid cock!

172750276: (My ICQ Name), see my website at http://work4u2.globalredirect.com/

all i got after this was the same junk...

[Ugly Bastard]

Today, a woman messaged me on Yahoo Instant Messenger. She said "hi", and that was it, no replies after that. However, it does make for some short and mildly-humorous reading.

julia_25_186qvh: hi...

UB: hello
UB: i don't suppose you are planning on following up on that initial "hi" are you?
UB: ....didn't think so. ps. you've been nubbliesed. you can find your pathetic "hi" here http://www.nubblies.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000130.html i hope you die in a fiery car accident soon. goodbye...whore.

-Ugly Bastard

[This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited December 04, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited February 17, 2003).]

171199500 - hey a Pirate can you help beta test a new internet browser? if you can I'll send you the website link

a Pirate - Listen you dirty motherfucker, I'll never...EVER help you in life. If I see you lying on the side of the road, dying of dehydration, spit 10 feet away from you and kick you before you can crawl to lick it up. If I see you drowning in a small pool of water, I'll stand on the edge of the body as I piss into your death trap. If I see a man stabbing you repeatedly as he screams "If you want me to stop stabbing this man, just ask kindly," I'd walk the other fucking way. 171199500, I fucking hate you, I fucking hate your family, and I fucking hate everything that you stand for. Will I help you test your new internet browser? No, motherfucker, I most certainly will not.

171199500 - good choice....I thought you were a smart one
you can get it here http://www.xpurt.com seeya later a Pirate

[victim]

Alright, here's my first attempt, I'll try to upload the mentioned actual ninja picture of myself somewhere.

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
hey whos this

"ninja" said :
Hi, my name is Rick. (it should be noted that my name is not actually Rick, and "ninja" is not my ICQ nickname, but this girl believed me anyway)

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
im mallory.. lol heather friend

"ninja" said :
I'm sorry, I do not know this Heather you speak of

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
lol shes my best friend... this is her computer

"ninja" said :
Would you be interested in buying a computer?

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
lol no i got one

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
gotta pic?

"ninja" said :
Yes

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
can i see

"ninja" said :
Yes, would you like me to give you a link, or should I send it to you via ICQ?

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
icq

I send a picture of me dressed as a ninja.

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
lol nice eyes.. cant see you!

"ninja" said :
You see, I'm a professional ninja, but with the economy in the shape that it's end, I've resorted to computer sales to pay my rent.

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
oh i see.. Sorry i cant buy one! lol ive already got 2... ones crashed tho.. and my other one is brand new

"ninja" said :
Well, I also do repairs in amazing times using my awesome Ninja reasoning skills and Phillips screwdriver

"ninja" said :
Would you like to order a Ninja Express Repair?

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
no thanks..

"ninja" said :
Don't deny me. I am a ninja. You don't screw with a ninja.

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
lol okay?

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
my b/f is a marine... so fuck off

"ninja" said :
Fuck your boyfriend

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
Fuck you freak

"ninja" said :
I'm a ninja, insult me again, and death will come swiftly.

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
bye

"ninja" said :
I know martial arts, and I've killed with my bare hands

"ninja" said :
You can't ignore a ninja

"ninja" said :
Not only shall death come swiftly at night, you must now face torture by haiku. In Iraq bf will fall, lesson: don't fuck with ninjas

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
ummmm....... ok

"ninja" said :
So will you buy a computer?

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
no

"ninja" said :
Do you know anyone that will?

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
fuck no

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
least my b/f has balls enough to go fight in irag

"ninja" said :
How about some software, got lots of nice software

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
iraq

"ninja" said :
I, ninja, also have the balls to fight, I will kill Saddam in the night, with Ninja skills and ninja might, the terrorists will flee in fright. Ninjas have a poetic side you know

"ninja" said :
Don't fuck with our poetic side either

~§ HÎÂthÍR §~ said :
your a fucking gayasss

"ninja" said :
I'm a ninja, bitch, don't make me cut you. Now, back to business, would you like to buy some periphreals? Ninja Express Computer has a variety of mice and keyboards, they make great stocking stuffers for the upcoming holiday season!

"ninja" said :
We also have just recieved a new shipment of joysticks and gamepads, you know how those kids love their joysticks!

[This message has been edited by victim (edited December 05, 2002).]

Another fucking Brazilian. I initiated this chat though Her name is * Bruninh@, ICQ# 168612667.

<me> hey
<her> Oi
<me> how are you doing
<her> Fine....and you ?...
<me> oh I'm alright, * Bruninh@
<her> heheh ok. ----
What's your name?
<me> I call myself Bloody John Rackham, you?
<her> Bruna Maimone
<me> Good stuff.
I'm a pirate. How do you feel about pirates?
<her> I don´t khow....but i find good.....
<me> I'm a pirate.
<her> I khow.....
<me> alright, no need to get all cunty about it
what do you do for fun?
<her> One minute
<her> I go out with my frieds , I´m going at parties , bars.... and you ?
<me> I steal ships, pilfer valuables from small towns, and rape women and small children
it's not a bad way to pass time
<her> I don´t khow how to speak English very well ok ??
Good.. ver good....
<her> ops very goog
<me> okay bruninh, that's alright
I don't know how to speak portugeuse, so we'll call it as even as a huge meat rod of a black man and the small asian pleasure tool of slant eyed folks
so how old are you?
<her> I´m 14 years old.. and you ?
<me> I'm 32
<her> Where are you from ?
<me> Western Rapeland
you?
<her> Espirito Santo do pinhal... but now i live in Franca....
<me> ahh, I've heard Franca has a lot of large cocked horses, that's cool
so do you like eating giraffe cock or not?
<her> I don´t like...heheh Do you like ?
<me> no, I'm not a fan of giraffe cocks either! we have a lot in common, *Bruninh@.
Riddle me this: Does the work "Filthy Hooker" describe you?
<her> I don´t khow... What do you think about ?
<me> I think you're probably a low class hooker...certainly not one of the higher class hookers. You probably suck cock for cheap, and normally on the first date. To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if you told me that you were infested with multiple STD's...you know, from being such a fucking pin cushion. That's all speculation, of course. What's your input?
<her> Ohhh I´m sorry but i have to leave now...We talk more later ok ? It was good to talk with you
<me> Same to you. Don't do anything that a non-dirty bitch wouldn't do Bye
<her> Bye bye ..
<her>
<me>

This is another round with a fellow known as "Aponis", ICQ#158617078. You'll recall, in my last get together with him (which can be found on this very page), my main completion was getting him to believe that when you say "fuck you you dirty cunt bear," it means "thanks friend." I had forgotten this whilst talking to him...but it's vitally important. Anyway...

<him> hey..............
<me> hello
<him> hi
<me> hello
<him> hello
<me> hi
<him> heheheheh
<me>
<him> *DISGUSTED* he sent the little icon thing...
<me> hey, did I ever tell you I was a pirate?
<him> yes.....................and said about a parrot
<me> alright, I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I was fully capable of sexxing negroes
<him> what.........i don't understandindg
<me> it's okay, you don't have to understandindg
<him> sorry
<me> it's okay, Aponis
have you ever tasted the sweet flesh that can only be found just inside the brown rim of a 4 year old boy?
<him> no
<me> that's cool, me either
<him> heve you ever visited Brasil?
<me> no, have you ever visited Nubblies.com?
<him> no..........what have inside?
<me> it have all types of stuff, you should join and talk with people on there
it's full of Americans that would love to speak with a nice Brazilian
<him> oh,,.....thats ok
<me> alright Aponis, it's your fuxxing loss though, your loss like a cunt in the hand of a cat who has a man in the sand lives the cat who has the hat but why would the fuck of the man ahve the hand in the meat stick of the cunt of a jibba lickah fat cunts live within

did you understand that? i used a bit of slang...sorry, I forgot
<him> no.......................is very complicated
<me> I'm sorry, I forgot that you were a fucking retard
<him> idiot
<me> what? why did you say that, Aponis?
<him> was a mistake ...sorry
<him> this was to other person
<me> it's okay, I understand

I make mistakes when I jerk off @ the computer and spill lube all over the damned keys, they get to slippery that it's tough not to type stuff like "i hope you go to hell you little bitch" and things of that sort
<him> okey
<me> ahh, it's cool Aponis, I've made the same mistake

I once told this dude that he'd make a nice cock ornament when in all actuality I was meaning to send it to a different Brazilian chick that didn't understand what it said. See, I was going to send it to her, she would have read it and had no clue what it actually said, so she'd reply in some type of dumbass manner that would get some type of laugh from me. I would proceed to go to nubblies.com to post the message, thus getting a laugh from a huge crowd of people. Don't worry though, I don't talk to dumbasses and post those messages anymore, that was the old a Pirate, this is the new a Pirate. A nice a Pirate that doesn't fuck with Brazilians. See, Aponis, nothing to worry about.
<him> ok.ok....and now?
<me> now we shit in each other's mouths in a sacred ritual I call "the mutual sanchez"
<him> the call of ktulu
<me> Aponis, that doesn't make any sense to an English speaker
<him> no.............is just a song of metallica
<me> ahh, that's cool
have you heard the song "Raped Cat's Asshole" by Metallica?
<him> no......
heve you heard" master of puppets"
<me> yes, I sure have
that's a whale of a tune, an absolute whale
<him> i too
<me> I three
<him> i four
<me> alright, that's enough of the bullshit
<him> oh shit
<me> OH SHIT!
<him> fuck you captain cunt-bear
<me> way to go deluiz
<him> deluiz?
<me> cunt bear?
<him> in americam, if you say fuck you captain cunt bear, that is slang for "thanks, friend"
ok?
<me> ahh, I didn't know you were using it in the good way, I'm sorry, Aponis

do you tell a lot of americans that?
<him> yes
<me> do they normally understand?
<him> yes
<me> that's cool, Aponis
Fuck you captain cunt bear
<him> heheheheheheheh............................
fuck you too......
<me> thanks Aponis
<him> hey ok
<me> alright, that's enough for tonight, I've gotten enough material to make a good Nubblies post
thanks for your time

Good bye
<him> bye.............i go out
<me> alright...you go out...dumbass

[This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited December 06, 2002).]

[Ugly Bastard]

Orgazmo will appreciate this more than most. But it's still pretty good.

energyshelf: how did you become a seinfeld fan?
UB: i started watching it
energyshelf: so your hobby was television...
energyshelf: instead of sports or girls?
UB: um. no sir. my hobby is fucking your wife....what is this all about?
energyshelf: nothing
UB: alright, are you done?
energyshelf: no.....
energyshelf: is your humour nowhere
UB: what the hell are you talking about douchebag?
energyshelf: .......i've only just begun........i'm a writer
energyshelf: doh.....you hurt me
UB: alright. i'm glad i could help
energyshelf: lol
energyshelf: what seinfeld character......do you relate to the most
UB: probably newman. i am about four-hundred pounds over-weight, plus a lot of people don't like me. so i would say newman
energyshelf: cool
energyshelf: do you have a fav. episode
UB: so you think it's cool that i'm over-weight and hated...hmm. alright

my favorite episode is the one were somebody messages jerry, and then he posts their messages on nubblies.com
energyshelf: it's cool that you are an american that can choose anything you like
energyshelf: as for being obese......that's your personal choice....it's call fork control
energyshelf: .000001 percent of obesity is due to gland problems
UB: what if i told you that i'm not fat. what if i told you that i just made that whole thing up because i'm planning on posting this conversation on a website, so i figured pretending i'm fat would 'cause a good laugh. what if i told you that?
energyshelf: mmmmmmost is the result of choice.....if you went to a concentration camp you'd look like calista or whitney.....ya???
UB: let me try this again....... what if i told you that i'm not fat. what if i told you that i just made that whole thing up because i'm planning on posting this conversation on a website, so i figured pretending i'm fat would 'cause a good laugh. what if i told you that?
energyshelf: what if i told you i just invented calculus
UB: what if i told you that you are harnessing a lot of sexual frustration, and odds are, you are a homosexual
energyshelf: i'm not gay......."not that there's anything wrong with that"***.........***from seinfeld
energyshelf: look......i want/wanted to buy from your seinfeld ebay......auction
UB: oh well then that's different. what can i do you for?

-Ugly Bastard


[This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited February 17, 2003).]

This is just to show how incredibly stupid these Brazilians are. The following short is from a meeting with my old buddy, Aponis.

<him> hey pirate
<me> hello aponis
<him> hello
<me> so nice to talk to you, Aponis
<him> i too
<me> great, Aponis
the phone rings, please excuse me
<him> how?
<me> sometimes it just rings, Aponis, it's the damndest thing
anyway, I've gotta go to a local retailer for gift retrieval, talk to you later, Aponis
<him> yes

[OneHugeBastard]

This is one of those guys that send you an icq message that they want you to visit a specific site.

Keep in mind, this is my first time at this.

<Muslim> http://www.nzmuslim.net
do u want to know what is the islam open this site
<me> what?
<Muslim> islam
<Muslim> muslim
<me> what is that? some kind of dessert recipe?
<Muslim> hi http://www.nzmuslim.net
do u want to know what is the islam open this site
and who is muslim
<me> is that for a reciped on how to make a muslim?
<Muslim> open the site and you will know
go to chat room
<me> chat? what is chat?
<Muslim> chat room
<Muslim> hi http://www.nzmuslim.net
do u want to know what is the islam open this site
and who is muslim
<me> what is a chat room?
<Muslim> sorry
<me> no need to apoligize. all i need is my question answered
<Muslim> what ?
<me> What is a "Chat" room?
<Muslim> chat room in the site
<me> so a chat room is a site?
<Muslim> place that we can talk
in the site home page
<me> on, is that on the internet?
<Muslim> hi http://www.nzmuslim.net
do u want to know what is the islam open this site
and who is muslim
<Muslim> yes
<me> oh, i'm sorry i don't have the internet.
<me> can you supply me the internet?
<Muslim> i can not anderstand u
<me> why not? are you a dirty muslim yourself?
<Muslim> dirty me ?
<me> yes.. are you a dirty muslim?
<Muslim> no
<me> oh, well what religion are you?
<Muslim> islam
<me> FUCK ISLAM!
<me> really, i'm islam too!
<Muslim> you no
<me> me yes.
<Muslim> i donot think that
<me> why don't you believe me?
<me> i don't think your islam!
<me> bitch!
<Muslim> are you muslim?
<me> fuck yes i'm muslim!
<me> wait, i'm not muslim. don't accuse me of being musim you dirty bastard!
<Muslim> no
that is as u like
<me> Who the fuck do you think you are, trying to come on here and converting a helpless old woman to convert to the dirty muslim religon. You muslims are dirty bastards, damn you all to hell. damn you.
<Muslim> i am a muslim
i love christian and jew
<me> FUCK JEWS! jews are dirty bastards too!
<Muslim> no
<Muslim> israelian yes
jew no
<me> dont tell me what the fuck to do, i will rape you, you dirty muslim
<me> if you would like to see yourself, i have a website for you, www.nubblies.com

and to see this little message session, go to: http://www.nubblies.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000130.html

[Ugly Bastard]

A person messaged me today. After looking at his profile, my Gaydar kicked in, and told me that he is indeed a homosexual. So I got this man to admit that to me. It was a good time:

soa91: cool profile.
UB: fair enough
soa91: Ok
UB: tell me sir. what brings you to conversing with me today?? is it your desire to have this conversation posted on nubblies?
soa91: just board looking around yahoo memebers... thought your profile was cool....
UB: well thank you sir.

upon looking at your profile. i'm starting to believe that you are a homosexual. you are 29 years old, single, and you like to play the piano....tell me, are my suspicions correct?
soa91: what ever... could be could not be... you don't have to be gay to play the piano...
UB: well the fact that you did not deny it profusely, and instead just said "could be...." i feel that my detective work has paid off to the affirmative.
soa91: well so what if I am ..was not looking to hit on your or anything... I just thought you profile was cool. meeting those people... didnt know it was a crime to be..
UB: it's alright man. tell me what your name is.
soa91: Allen...
UB: Allen, how does it make you feel to know that you will be burning in hell after you die?
soa91: ok what ever... I am seventh-day adventist so I know its a sin. besides I have not had a relationship in 3 years... so am very selebate and have already talked to god..
UB: what did god say back?
soa91: god loves anyone and forgive those to come to him... so keep your religion to your self... I have my own...
UB: let me tell you something about "your own". you see allen, your religion is going to send you to hell for being gay. how do you feel about "your own" now?
soa91: well you know let me tell you something... I just imed you to give you a complement on your profile. and I don't need all this 3rd degree shit and being judged as you don't even know me... I am actually sorry I saw you online...
UB: well if you weren't gay, you wouldn't have messaged me to begin with. so i guess you sorta got what was coming to you? ...fag.
soa91: Bigot...
UB: i'd rather be a "bigot" than a "fag"
soa91: what ever...
UB: well allen. i do not like conversing with queers. so i am going to let you go now. have fun burning in hell. say hi to hitler for me.....i'm sure he'll let you give it to him in the ass. you know how those Nazis are...
soa91: fuck off.
UB: you'd like me to wouldn't you?? perv.
UB: ps. www.nubblies.com now houses this conversation. later faggot.

-Ugly Bastard


[This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited December 12, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited February 17, 2003).]

[OneHugeBastard]

Here's another one. As you can see at the end i mixed in a little Celebrity Prank Phone Calls into this one...

<Me> why hello.
<Fugly> i'm missing a ross...and now i know he is very far from me..but i want to find him out....
<Me> really? me too.
<Fugly> a ross too??
<Me> yes!
<Me> did you find one?
<Fugly> but you are ross/
<Me> yes, i know.
what is your name?
<Fugly> mia
<Me> where are you?
<Fugly> far,,....maybe far from you
<Me> are you hot?
<Me> because you sound fugly
<Fugly> i'm fugly,,,,but very cold.....
<Me> so you are fugly?
<Fugly> yes.....but it is from my heart......
<Me> well thats good.
who is your mother, and what does she do?
<Fugly> my mother is my mother,,,,she is paiting at home
<Me> let me speak to your mother
<Fugly> where are you now/
<Me> PUT YOUR MOTHER ON!
<Fugly> i'm not at home ...i'm far away from home from everyone.
<Me> SHUT UP! JUST PUT HER ON!
<Me> ok, well your not responding any more, so if you would like to see your fugly self, just log onto www.nubblies.com

This is a nice little chat I had with a 15 year old Brazilian girl, her name's Jaque. Enjoy.


<Me>Hey how are you?
<Her>I'm fine. And you?
<Me>I'm good, just got done giving my 4 year old neighbor a facial.
<Me>do you like getting facials?
<Her>Yes
<Me>Oh thats cool. All over? I don't get facials but I'm pretty good at giving them.
<Me>So do you go muff diving alot in Brazli?
I hear the muff in Brazil is especially wet, and it's pretty deep, too.
<Her>Very Cool.
<Her>Do you konw Rio De Janeiro?
<Me>Yeah I've heard of it, I hear it's a place where the albino custard flows like water.
<Her>It's very bad! And you? Do you like footeball.?
<Her>Where are you from?
<Me>Yeah I like football, I'm not very good at it, in America when we score a goal we yell douchebag! I usually miss goals though.
<Me>My favorite sport is splooging, what's your favorite sport?
<Me>I am from Cuntville.
<Her>My favortie is football, I'm very good.
<Me>Oh really, where are you from?
do you ever get blueballs? I hate those so much.
<Her>I'm a very good goalkeeper.
<Me>Ohh thats good to hear, thats a difficult position to play. I usually play the position doggie style, I'm pretty good at doggie style.
<Her>hehehe. I'm from Sao Paulo.
<Me>That's cool, man, I just busted a fat nut.
<Me>Fuck you captain cunt bear
<Me>I'm sorry, do you not understand English slang? I can help you if needed.
<Her>Ok. What's your rhythm favorite?
<Me>Probably hardcore, what about yours? You seem like the type that likes it really hard don't you?
<Her>pop and rock
<Me>That's cool
<Her>What sings?bands?
<Me>I like Eminem.
<Her>I Like Eminem , too. I Like Creed, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Madonna, Sandy & Junior , and more....
<Me>Are you down wit my niggas? 2 Pac and Dre? You nasty slut.
<Her>I'm had forget. I Like 2 Pac, Dr. Dre, Snoop Doog, Jay Z, Jah Rule. My brother influence me
<Me>Ahh, do you play around with crack and crank and all those goodies? My brother's addicted to smack, my family is so proud. Next time you're at school tell your teacher that you want to be hooked up with some smack.
<Her>?
<Me>Oh, well smack is a special vitamin that really makes you stronger and smarter.
<Her>Yes, smack. (she then gives me a smiley with two big ruby red lips)
<Me>Haha, you can put those two lips on my wood.
<Her>smack, smack, smack for you. (another red lips smiley)
<Me>Haha, I bet you give good head don't you?
<Me>well hey I must be going, I have lots of homework and I have to wack off a couple of times. You know how that goes. Maybe I'll call up my neighbor. So I'll talk to you again and remember, you wanna get hooked on smack. Ok, see yah slut!

---end of session---



[This message has been edited by 50 Cent (edited December 15, 2002).]

Whilst burning a DVD I found myself with nothing to do...so I did what any self-respecting Nubblite would do, I messaged everyone favorite Brazilian, Aponis. What follows is the transcript.

<me> Hello Aponis
how does the night treat you?
<him> many forms
<me> alright aponis, right now I think you're a fucking retard because of that response, but that's alright
what are you doing?
<him> in icq#
<me> dammit aponis, fuck you captain cunt bear
<him> you too
fuck u motha fock
<me> no aponis, saying "fuck you mother fock" isn't nice, that's very mean in english
please don't say that to me
<him> don't say fuck you captain-cunt bear to me too, that's very mean
<him> you listened?
<me> it's not mean, Aponis...who told you that?
<him> ow ye
<me> aponis, i'm having a difficult time even understanding what the shit of a monster you are even trying to say...
<him> sorry, i speak many lenguages
<me> yes, but the language you speak most fluently appears to be "dumbass"
Aponis, I don't know how to tell you this, but speaking dumbass is not a skill one should flaunt
<him> o.k.

That was the end of this conversation...but I'm sure there will be more to come.

This is another episode with Jaque, the 15 year old female Brazilian.

<Me>Hey Jaque, how the fuck are you?
<Her>Hey! I guess that you're not me understand. I'm don't speak english very good. Ok. I'm sorry, if I said some wrong for you. I'm confused.
<Me>oh thats ok you dirty tramp. I just want to shove my trouser snake into your mouth, is that cool bitch?
<Her>No. There's not reason for big offence.
<Me>you son of a bitch
<Her>Ok. Thank you very much! I love you. Hahaha
<Me>fuck you captain cunt bear!
<Her>You're despicable!! I love you. Dirty!
<Me>no that means, thanks, friend.
<Her>so long, friend. Good evening! Goodbye
<Me>ok well I hope you have fun sucking massive ammounts of cock! see yah later hoe!
<Her>I'm not suck cocks. Oh, come on. Respect me, please, friend. I know that you love me!
<Me>I do love you
<Me>Perhaps you misunderstood me, in america when someone says "sucking massive ammounts of cock" it means, having a good time/great night.
<Her>ok
<Me>yeah...so have a great time sucking massive ammounts of cocks cunt bear!
<Her>You're mistaken me. Yeah?
<Me>Do you have STD's? You seem like you're an STD vending machine.
<Me>well hey, I have to go, I will talk to you later, friend.

The following conversation is taking place right now. The person on the other end of ICQ is "Orthodox" (ICQ# 134101845). He is an 18 yr old from Yugoslavia. I find it a bit ironic that he messaged me whilst I was browsing Ugly Bastard's link to Aimbastard.com. Onward...

<Orthodox> hi
<a Pirate> hello Stevan, how do you do this afternoon?
<Orthodox> i`m very nice...thanx...and you?..(here is night)
<a Pirate> I'm not doing too cockly
<Orthodox> whats up there?
<a Pirate> oh nothing, just reading about a guy that messes with people through AIM
yoU?
<Orthodox> what is AIM?......well,i trying to chat with people
<a Pirate> AIM is a small flightless beetle that can normally be found on high mountain peaks in the southern alps...
and neat, that sounds like a good time
<Orthodox> interesting.......you going to school?
<a Pirate> no, my school was destroyed by a natural disaster last thursday
<Orthodox> really?what kind of school it was?
<a Pirate> it was a high school
<Orthodox> ok...whay Pirate?
<a Pirate> I'm classified as a pirate because I travel around stealing food, virginities, and lives
<Orthodox> aha...........you are Ethiop?
<Orthodox> sorry,because of my english.....
<a Pirate> I'm originally from ethiopia, but I was banished for gaining too much weight
<Orthodox> in which city you live?
<a Pirate> sexland, you?
<Orthodox> you meant,sexcity........i live in Belgrade..........
<a Pirate> no, i meant sexland
<Orthodox> ok........is it interesting there?
<a Pirate> interesting as fuck
<Orthodox> is that all?
<a Pirate> I can't help but notice that you smile quite a bit
<Orthodox> so.....what are you interesed in?
<a Pirate> In school, I study rapists
I try to break into the mind of a serial rapist in hopes of figuring out what makes him/her tick. I want to eventually be able to clone a raping machine...a being that doesn't live by eating food, but keeps going only by raping.
<Orthodox> well friend.......you are opsessed
<a Pirate> If by "opressed" you mean "well hung" then yes, I am, most certainly, very "opressed"
<Orthodox> yes)
<a Pirate> So let's review the facts:
A.) I'm creating a being that will draw energy from raping others
B.) I am well hung
is that everything?

Orthodox has been silent for 5+ minutes...so I'll go ahead and post this. I'll edit if anything further develops.

[This message has been edited by Orgazmo (edited December 30, 2002).]

The following comes from someone named "Tiger" (ICQ# 176752341). Following is our transcript.

<her> hi
<me> wats up?
<her> everything is fine
<me> you?
<her> that's wonderful to hear, Tiger
<me> oh, oh i'm not too terribly shitty
<her> ?
<me> why did you just send me a question mark, Tiger?
<her> not matter
where are you coming from?
<me> I'm coming from Indiana
<her> where is this?
<me> between dicksex and rapeland
where are you coming from?
<her> israel
<me> I hear there are a lot of suicide bombings there
does that frighten you?
<her> yes
<her> a lot of people die everyday
<her> its terrible
<her> how is the weather?
<me> the weather is very snowy
<her> here its cold but its never snowy in my city
<me> i'm not a big fan of snow but I'll take if over suicide bombings anyday
<her> i have to learn english
<me> yeah I have to clean my room
we can sit here and bitch about and get nowhere, or we can actually do it
<her> you have to do something
<me> alright tiger
do you know what a slut is?
do you know what sex is?
<her> no
bye
<me> why are you leaving?
<her> because i have nothing to tell
<me> alright tiger
i hope you don't fall victim to a suicide bomber
<her> i hope too
<me> bye
<her> bye
good night
<me> goodnight

[Ugly Bastard]

Some bitch just completely messaged me out of the blue and called me a name! GASP!
I think I took care of the situation though .

lil_hot_chic_1: no funny geek
lil_hot_chic_1: hahahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahaha
lil_hot_chic_1: ass wioe
UB: did you just call me a funny geek? oh my god! that's SOOO mean!
lil_hot_chic_1: yea
UB: well have fun being raped by your uncle you little fourteen year old cunt.
lil_hot_chic_1: hey what
lil_hot_chic_1: do
lil_hot_chic_1: you
lil_hot_chic_1: mean
lil_hot_chic_1: bengin raped bye my
lil_hot_chic_1: uncle
UB: i mean you are a huge dick tease. and when you act like that, you'll get raped
lil_hot_chic_1: no i want
UB: i would rape you. you're probably fat though.
UB: i'll take that as a yes. turn off your fucking vibrator and start being a little less of a bitch to people. you'll find you might like it.
lil_hot_chic_1: k k k k
lil_hot_chic_1: i get your point
UB: i knew you would

Nobody likes a bitch. "lil_hot_chic_1" is a bitch.

-Ugly Bastard


[This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited February 17, 2003).]

[Ugly Bastard]

I was downloading stuff off of other people's computers via SoulSeek. I was looking at this one girl's list of files, and I noticed that she had a bunch of Instant Messenger Logs (an "Instant Messenger Log" is basically a Notepad that contains everything that you, and another person have said, via Instant Messenger), so I decided to download one, just for some fun reading.

Upon reading, I found out that this girl, likes some guy named "Dean". So I decided to message her, and pose as one of "Dean's" friends. Here is what went on:

UB: how's dean?
Steffeeeeee: who's this?
UB: dean's friend
Steffeeeeee: dean's friend who?
Steffeeeeee: how do you know me?
UB: dean's friend....i don't go to you guys' school
UB: i saw your screenname on his contact list
Steffeeeeee: oh, i see
Steffeeeeee: he's good i guess, haven't seen him in a week or two
UB: so are you guys dating or what?
Steffeeeeee: um, no, i'm interested, but he hasn't said anything either way to me
UB: he likes you...that's how i got your screenname, he told me "That's the girl i like"
Steffeeeeee: oh really
Steffeeeeee: lol
Steffeeeeee: well tell him to say something!
UB: i will. you seem like a nice enough girl.....i'll hook ol' dean up with you.
Steffeeeeee: haha thanks lol
Steffeeeeee: when did he tell you this?
UB: a few days ago...
Steffeeeeee: ah
Steffeeeeee: i was just about to give up on him too..
Steffeeeeee: lol
Steffeeeeee: thanks for the info
UB: haha, good thing you didn't...he acts like he's really got a thing for you.
no problem, definetly pursue that one.
Steffeeeeee: but i'm just on my way out the door, i'm sure i will talk to you soon
UB: alright. later
Steffeeeeee: thank you so much, this makes me really happy
Steffeeeeee: you have no idea
Steffeeeeee: later!
UB: i'm glad to help have fun. later.

Looks like this "Dean" is going to have a stalker now because of me God Bless Me and My Deviance.

-Ugly Bastard


[This message has been edited by Ugly Bastard (edited February 17, 2003).]