Business Reply by Mail. - Nubblies.net Forums

DDTempest · 01-08-2009, 06:50 PM

I'll start with this:

I have been saving every business reply by mail envelope I have received for the past year. While I received many post cards, I only saved envelopes. Why only save the envelopes? Because I am a purist and I have ideals when it comes to this sort of thing. Upon further inspection I tally a meager twenty-nine envelopes.

There are many myths regarding these business's ability to track you using the bar code at the bottom of the envelope - this is untrue.

What am I going to do? A number of things I hope, first I would like to inspire all of you to greater things. It is easy to sit by on the message board and say everything sukz, winz, or lulz, but I want to inspire a small band of merry misfits to participate in a greater havoc than name calling and fuck words. I encourage each and every one of you to participate.

Not only will these shenanigans help provide some much needed laughs in these dark times, but also help ensure that our nations postal carriers do not go unneeded.

Allegedly you can tape these little bad boys to a box and the company receiving the gift has to foot the postage. A brick? Sure. A box full of phone books? Maybe? Stale cereal? Don't want the coons to get it! One thing can be certain, over the next few days as I mail these packages out I will be including some sort of form letter with an e-mail address they can reply to and most likely an invitation to come post at nubblies.net! Why? Because any asshole that is working the mail room will surely be as disappointed with (or disappointing in) life as the rest of us.

ninjaface · 01-08-2009, 07:02 PM

So... your goal is to get a bunch of downtrodden, degenerate assholes that work in the mail room to join Nubblies? I'd sooner do it just to be a dick. Either way, I support what you're doing here. I'd like to officially request that a picture of the package was posted before sending. Along with any sort of reply.

DDTempest · 01-08-2009, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ninjaface

I'd like to officially request that a picture of the package was posted before sending. Along with any sort of reply.

Of course, this is the whole point of this undertaking to illicit responses. I don't really want them to join Nubblies are regular posters ... but I would like them to come here and say "haha thanks for the coupons to McDonalds"

ninjaface · 01-08-2009, 07:21 PM

Not to hijack the thread or anything, but how about angry letters to companies about their commercials? Easy to write, easy to send, and you are almost guaranteed a response. A few years ago some friends and I wrote to McDonalds about how offensive their "I'm lovin' it" commercial was and how it was clearly portraying minorities as being poor and a bunch of other shit. We received a reply and put our letter and the response on our wall next to this stolen masterpiece:

DDTempest · 01-08-2009, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ninjaface

Not to hijack the thread or anything, but how about angry letters to companies about their commercials? Easy to write, easy to send, and you are almost guaranteed a response. A few years ago some friends and I wrote to McDonalds about how offensive their "I'm lovin' it" commercial was and how it was clearly portraying minorities as being poor and a bunch of other shit. We received a reply and put our letter and the response on our wall next to this stolen masterpiece:

Way to spoil the surprise for my next project thread! FUCKING BALLSACK

ninjaface · 01-08-2009, 07:25 PM

He's got shaved armpits.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 01-08-2009, 07:28 PM

i have to shave my dick, or I get sideburns

Landing Strip · 01-08-2009, 09:20 PM

an english teacher of mine also shared her feelings about those envelopes.

she suggested a giant box of rocks.

Dent · 01-09-2009, 07:07 AM

I sign up for a lot of free junk shit, and accept that part of that means they will send me bullshit letters till i'm in my grave, but I got three of these fuckers today.
What would happen If I filled it with talc? and a non-terrorist letter to go with it?

DDTempest · 01-09-2009, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dent

I sign up for a lot of free junk shit, and accept that part of that means they will send me bullshit letters till i'm in my grave, but I got three of these fuckers today.
What would happen If I filled it with talc? and a non-terrorist letter to go with it?

$10 says you would be investigated. Try it.

TwoBlackEyes · 01-09-2009, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dent

What would happen If I filled it with talc? and a non-terrorist letter to go with it?

Federal charges

DDTempest · 01-18-2009, 09:40 PM

Printing out form letters now, will probably send out the first round of these tomorrow.

Dearest Mail Room Worker,

This is a form letter. We understand that you are the underrated backbone of the reply by mail business and receive no appreciation for the unending hours of soul destroying work you perform on a daily basis. We imagine the monotony of opening envelopes and processing information into a database is probably about as rewarding as joining the Marines and driving over a roadside bomb, but with none of the glroy. We have not forgotten you, we appreciate you and your every day fight to bring us new and exciting offers, not unlike the liberators of Auschwitz. Undoubtedly you are finding this letter in an envelope attached to a box or simply in place of a key form that I was supposed to fill out. Upon careful consideration, I cannot accept your offer but wish to at least return the favor by sending you these gifts or providing you with exciting offers from other businesses and myself! We hope that you appreciate the contents and we would like to hear back from you regarding their awesomeness.

You have a couple of options:
1. Simply stop by www.nubblies.net and search the forum for "Business reply by Mail" sign up and post a message back!
2. E-mail me a thank you at: MrBusiness@live.com
3. Give this letter to your immediate supervisor and have them choose from options 1-3.

Sincerely,
Nubblies.net

tonguegina · 01-18-2009, 10:27 PM

I like it a lot. "...not unlike the liberators of Auschwitz." Good work.

Pliedes · 01-19-2009, 11:52 PM

I love the idea of wasting other people's money, but the addition of recruiting pissed off mail room employees to nubblies deserves a gold star!

DDTempest · 01-20-2009, 09:02 PM

I brought home a box of boxes, this is a teaser for you guys ... beginning to pack some boxes with prizes now.

DDTempest · 01-20-2009, 11:00 PM

Like every poorly concevied plan I begin with the things immediately surrounding me. On the table I noticed a plastic skull I stole on Halloween from someone's yard:

I added in some shredded paper, which mostly came from the offers sent to me by those I was sending gifts. The sweet sweet irony.

Topped it off ... that's one and its going to be very nice.

Then I gathered up a phone book and a magazine full of advertisements:

Added in some shredded paper and allowed me assistant to inspect the packing:

Having trouble brushing your teeth?

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 01-20-2009, 11:04 PM

You have a kitty!

DDTempest · 01-20-2009, 11:06 PM

Now that the warmups are out of the way lets get into some serious boxes

First a large marble, made of marble.

I am sure they need a place to put their keys:

Accompanied by a lifetime of keys left in the kitchen drawer by my home's former owner...

Surely they need light where they are working:

Don't want it to break!

And something to read ...

And some candles ...

Stay tuned for the grand finale ...

DDTempest · 01-20-2009, 11:14 PM

This guitar was left behind by my college roommate Travis Nichols. He was mostly a douchebag, some of you Warsaw boys may even know him! I have been carrying this guitar with me for years for just such an occasion.

Hrmmmm doesn't fit in the box ...

Unwinding the cords doesn't seem to help any ...

Ahhh that's better! Just needed to tap it gently on the sidewalk outside!

I think this is going to turn out nicely!

Seems to be fitting better ...

That's all of it!

But something seems missing...

Much better... boxes packed

And labeled.

Now we wait!

Ugly Bastard · 01-20-2009, 11:18 PM

Two things:

A.) (And I think it goes without saying), impeccable work. Truly incredible. +internetz for life.

B.) Did you include some type of solicitation letter to Nubblies in the boxes?

I think that's all that comes to mind.

DDTempest · 01-20-2009, 11:19 PM

Like this letter I posted above good sir?

Quote:

Originally Posted by DDTempest

Printing out form letters now, will probably send out the first round of these tomorrow.

Dearest Mail Room Worker,

This is a form letter. We understand that you are the underrated backbone of the reply by mail business and receive no appreciation for the unending hours of soul destroying work you perform on a daily basis. We imagine the monotony of opening envelopes and processing information into a database is probably about as rewarding as joining the Marines and driving over a roadside bomb, but with none of the glroy. We have not forgotten you, we appreciate you and your every day fight to bring us new and exciting offers, not unlike the liberators of Auschwitz. Undoubtedly you are finding this letter in an envelope attached to a box or simply in place of a key form that I was supposed to fill out. Upon careful consideration, I cannot accept your offer but wish to at least return the favor by sending you these gifts or providing you with exciting offers from other businesses and myself! We hope that you appreciate the contents and we would like to hear back from you regarding their awesomeness.

You have a couple of options:
1. Simply stop by www.nubblies.net and search the forum for "Business reply by Mail" sign up and post a message back!
2. E-mail me a thank you at: MrBusiness@live.com
3. Give this letter to your immediate supervisor and have them choose from options 1-3.

Sincerely,
Nubblies.net

tonguegina · 01-20-2009, 11:42 PM

Very impressed. Excellent work, sir.

Orgazmo · 01-20-2009, 11:45 PM

You truly are a God among men. Fantastic work.

THEINCREDIBLEdork · 01-20-2009, 11:51 PM

unfortunately, when you go to the post office they will tell you take your boxes and leave

DDTempest · 01-20-2009, 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by THEINCREDIBLEdork

unfortunately, when you go to the post office they will tell you take your boxes and leave

I will be depositing them in the drop box outside the post office.

01-08-2009, 06:50 PM	#1 (permalink)
DDTempest Ahoy Fuckbag Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: In a pineapple under the sea Posts: 3,540 Internets: 187030	Business Reply by Mail. I'll start with this: I have been saving every business reply by mail envelope I have received for the past year. While I received many post cards, I only saved envelopes. Why only save the envelopes? Because I am a purist and I have ideals when it comes to this sort of thing. Upon further inspection I tally a meager twenty-nine envelopes. There are many myths regarding these business's ability to track you using the bar code at the bottom of the envelope - this is untrue. What am I going to do? A number of things I hope, first I would like to inspire all of you to greater things. It is easy to sit by on the message board and say everything sukz, winz, or lulz, but I want to inspire a small band of merry misfits to participate in a greater havoc than name calling and fuck words. I encourage each and every one of you to participate. Not only will these shenanigans help provide some much needed laughs in these dark times, but also help ensure that our nations postal carriers do not go unneeded. Allegedly you can tape these little bad boys to a box and the company receiving the gift has to foot the postage. A brick? Sure. A box full of phone books? Maybe? Stale cereal? Don't want the coons to get it! One thing can be certain, over the next few days as I mail these packages out I will be including some sort of form letter with an e-mail address they can reply to and most likely an invitation to come post at nubblies.net! Why? Because any asshole that is working the mail room will surely be as disappointed with (or disappointing in) life as the rest of us.

01-08-2009, 07:28 PM	#7 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,316 Internets: 284585	i have to shave my dick, or I get sideburns
	#YOLO

01-20-2009, 11:04 PM	#17 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,316 Internets: 284585	You have a kitty!
	#YOLO

01-20-2009, 11:51 PM	#24 (permalink)
THEINCREDIBLEdork Emperor Meow Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 9,316 Internets: 284585	unfortunately, when you go to the post office they will tell you take your boxes and leave
	#YOLO

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01-08-2009, 07:02 PM	#2 (permalink)
ninjaface Level 20 Holothetan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Space Posts: 5,245 Internets: 210144	So... your goal is to get a bunch of downtrodden, degenerate assholes that work in the mail room to join Nubblies? I'd sooner do it just to be a dick. Either way, I support what you're doing here. I'd like to officially request that a picture of the package was posted before sending. Along with any sort of reply.

01-08-2009, 07:21 PM	#4 (permalink)
ninjaface Level 20 Holothetan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Space Posts: 5,245 Internets: 210144	Not to hijack the thread or anything, but how about angry letters to companies about their commercials? Easy to write, easy to send, and you are almost guaranteed a response. A few years ago some friends and I wrote to McDonalds about how offensive their "I'm lovin' it" commercial was and how it was clearly portraying minorities as being poor and a bunch of other shit. We received a reply and put our letter and the response on our wall next to this stolen masterpiece:

01-08-2009, 07:25 PM	#6 (permalink)
ninjaface Level 20 Holothetan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Space Posts: 5,245 Internets: 210144	He's got shaved armpits.

01-08-2009, 09:20 PM	#8 (permalink)
Landing Strip Resident Pube Inspector Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 96 Internets: 299	an english teacher of mine also shared her feelings about those envelopes. she suggested a giant box of rocks.

01-09-2009, 07:07 AM	#9 (permalink)
Dent Lost in Hilbert Spice Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Surrounded by knaves and fools Posts: 3,505 Internets: 177361	I sign up for a lot of free junk shit, and accept that part of that means they will send me bullshit letters till i'm in my grave, but I got three of these fuckers today. What would happen If I filled it with talc? and a non-terrorist letter to go with it?

01-18-2009, 09:40 PM	#12 (permalink)
DDTempest Ahoy Fuckbag Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: In a pineapple under the sea Posts: 3,540 Internets: 187030	Printing out form letters now, will probably send out the first round of these tomorrow. Dearest Mail Room Worker, This is a form letter. We understand that you are the underrated backbone of the reply by mail business and receive no appreciation for the unending hours of soul destroying work you perform on a daily basis. We imagine the monotony of opening envelopes and processing information into a database is probably about as rewarding as joining the Marines and driving over a roadside bomb, but with none of the glroy. We have not forgotten you, we appreciate you and your every day fight to bring us new and exciting offers, not unlike the liberators of Auschwitz. Undoubtedly you are finding this letter in an envelope attached to a box or simply in place of a key form that I was supposed to fill out. Upon careful consideration, I cannot accept your offer but wish to at least return the favor by sending you these gifts or providing you with exciting offers from other businesses and myself! We hope that you appreciate the contents and we would like to hear back from you regarding their awesomeness. You have a couple of options: 1. Simply stop by www.nubblies.net and search the forum for "Business reply by Mail" sign up and post a message back! 2. E-mail me a thank you at: MrBusiness@live.com 3. Give this letter to your immediate supervisor and have them choose from options 1-3. Sincerely, Nubblies.net

01-18-2009, 10:27 PM	#13 (permalink)
tonguegina I like dirt. Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 2,861 Internets: 2790	I like it a lot. "...not unlike the liberators of Auschwitz." Good work.

01-19-2009, 11:52 PM	#14 (permalink)
Pliedes Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Puget Sound Posts: 4,594 Internets: 1608	I love the idea of wasting other people's money, but the addition of recruiting pissed off mail room employees to nubblies deserves a gold star!

01-20-2009, 09:02 PM	#15 (permalink)
DDTempest Ahoy Fuckbag Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: In a pineapple under the sea Posts: 3,540 Internets: 187030	I brought home a box of boxes, this is a teaser for you guys ... beginning to pack some boxes with prizes now.

01-20-2009, 11:00 PM	#16 (permalink)
DDTempest Ahoy Fuckbag Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: In a pineapple under the sea Posts: 3,540 Internets: 187030	Like every poorly concevied plan I begin with the things immediately surrounding me. On the table I noticed a plastic skull I stole on Halloween from someone's yard: I added in some shredded paper, which mostly came from the offers sent to me by those I was sending gifts. The sweet sweet irony. Topped it off ... that's one and its going to be very nice. Then I gathered up a phone book and a magazine full of advertisements: Added in some shredded paper and allowed me assistant to inspect the packing: Having trouble brushing your teeth?

01-20-2009, 11:06 PM	#18 (permalink)
DDTempest Ahoy Fuckbag Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: In a pineapple under the sea Posts: 3,540 Internets: 187030	Now that the warmups are out of the way lets get into some serious boxes First a large marble, made of marble. I am sure they need a place to put their keys: Accompanied by a lifetime of keys left in the kitchen drawer by my home's former owner... Surely they need light where they are working: Don't want it to break! And something to read ... And some candles ... Stay tuned for the grand finale ...

01-20-2009, 11:14 PM	#19 (permalink)
DDTempest Ahoy Fuckbag Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: In a pineapple under the sea Posts: 3,540 Internets: 187030	This guitar was left behind by my college roommate Travis Nichols. He was mostly a douchebag, some of you Warsaw boys may even know him! I have been carrying this guitar with me for years for just such an occasion. Hrmmmm doesn't fit in the box ... Unwinding the cords doesn't seem to help any ... Ahhh that's better! Just needed to tap it gently on the sidewalk outside! I think this is going to turn out nicely! Seems to be fitting better ... That's all of it! But something seems missing... Much better... boxes packed And labeled. Now we wait!

01-20-2009, 11:18 PM	#20 (permalink)
Ugly Bastard Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 13,643 Internets: 247330	Two things: A.) (And I think it goes without saying), impeccable work. Truly incredible. +internetz for life. B.) Did you include some type of solicitation letter to Nubblies in the boxes? I think that's all that comes to mind.

01-20-2009, 11:42 PM	#22 (permalink)
tonguegina I like dirt. Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 2,861 Internets: 2790	Very impressed. Excellent work, sir.

01-20-2009, 11:45 PM	#23 (permalink)
Orgazmo COME ON YOU YANKS Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 15,697 Internets: 305662	You truly are a God among men. Fantastic work.