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Old 06-26-2013, 10:59 AM   #126 (permalink)
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Maybe I'll come out of retirement this year for a game.
I'll be your driver if you need one.

Some of the best heckling I've been witness to was at a Yankees-Mariners game in Seattle a couple of weeks ago. Mariano Rivera got up in the bullpen in the 8th. Huge crowd gathers right behind pen to watch him warm-up as this one Mariners fan just nailed the moment. "Mariano, your cutter is terrible! You'll never make it to the Hall of Fame!" etc etc etc. Everyone including Rivera was laughing.


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Old 06-26-2013, 12:20 PM   #127 (permalink)
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Heckling is an art form. I've heard some of the worst heckling in more recent times. Guys saying the same thing over and over again. Guys going with the old, "you suck" stuff for 15 minutes straight. In order to become a great heckler, you have to follow some simple guidelines that I've put together.

1. Be prepared- The internet has made this a very easy thing to do now and days. Find out some stats that are less then appealing to a said player. Also, find a little bit outside of his on the field/court situation to throw into the mix. With some skillful searching, some players throw pet names on bios, or even talk about their favorite hobbies outside of sports. I remember hammering a guy at a Cubs game and used his dogs name and told him he would even be disappointed. Cash money to an extreme extent.

2. Drink, but only to creativity- Normally, when I'm on my drunken climb, I'm at my most creative. I'm not afraid to say anything, but also cautious of what I say. The worst is a heckle call out that falls on silence. It's going to happen, but as long as it happens sparingly, then all is well. You don't want to have to think of something great to say, only to have it run through your head 3 times and come out stuttering because you were afraid to deliver. If your personality strikes most people as funny, normally you can be spot on.

3. Have some knowledge about the sport- The worst thing in sports is someone talking about a sport, or yelling at players, and they have no clue what they are talking about. " Sosa, you only have 4 points the whole season ya bum." Dude, get out of the bleachers, and head to the jazz bar down the street. Knowledge is power when it comes to insulting a player.

4. If you get a reaction, you win- Normally, a heckler gets zero reaction from the players they are yelling at. That's because they aren't any good. Even the Red Mamba reacted to a guy screaming his name. Was it great heckling, not really, but it was great timing. I've found that hockey players are by far the most undisciplined people when it comes to them getting razzed. I've had players moved on the bench because their entire focus was on me explaining their last shift and how awful they were. Baseball players love a great heckler, due to their sport being boring as shit the majority of the time. I had Pat the flying Burrell so turned inside out during a Cubs game that he was actually facing me during a pitch to the plate. That was my first experience in the bleachers, and it was a great one.

5. Don't mistake heckling for yelling- At Wrigley, it's tough to get your point across without screaming it. At hockey games, seating position that allows you to talk at a lower tone, will get your better reactions. Asking an older player if there is enough flex-all in the lockerroom for his tired, old ass body while taking the ice for the 2nd overtime was a winner. Two cups of water later, and the sheriff wants to arrest players for assult with h20. That leads me to number 6 and it's the most important one.

6. If you are going to heckle, don't whine when there are consequences- I've had guys take hockey sticks and tell me they were going to assault me. Water dumped on me. Escorted out by police for being falsely accused of numerous things during one game. I've had the girl I was with have some things said to her that probably shouldn't be said around children. It's all fair game when you put yourself out there, so don't be surprised that a player takes some shots back at you.

7. Make sure the people around you are having fun- You can tell if the people around you are enjoying what you are doing pretty soon. The first time that I heckled down low at a hockey game, my seats were by 3 older women. After the first period, they told me that I was the most respectful, yet effective heckler they had ever seen. They begged me to lockdown those 2 seats as my season ticket seats. If you please the crowd and get player reactions while working, you are extremely successful.

Off topic- I'm really starting to think about trying to start up a sports blog. There is no reason that the amount of time I spend watching, there is no reason not to put my time to good use. I don't want to specialize in any sport, but would like to touch the majority of them, that are popular in this country. Obviously, adding smoking hot chicks, and stupid people doing stupid things would bring a few non sports fans in.

I even like the format Tucker Max was trying to do with a few people with special skills blogging. IE- Sniper in Afgahastan. Long and short of it, how easy is Go Daddy to use and put together a unique template. Things have evolved since my last hurrah with Geocities. I realize my structure of sentences on here suck. I do have the ability to use proper punctuation and structure when I slow down and actually think. I type to long of responses on here to really go over shit with a comb and tweek it.

Nubblies: If we put up with Felix, we will put up with you too.

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Old 06-26-2013, 12:32 PM   #128 (permalink)
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This might have been the best post you've ever made.

About a blog: I'll host it for you. Buy a domain name from godaddy and I'll install wordpress (very easy to use blog) and you can go to town.
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Old 06-26-2013, 01:19 PM   #129 (permalink)
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Googles blogger works pretty well. (Shameless plug: The Hypothetical Nine )
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Old 06-26-2013, 01:52 PM   #130 (permalink)
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Hold please before starting your own blog. I think I can pipe you into a bigger medium from the get-go...
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Old 06-26-2013, 02:03 PM   #131 (permalink)
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Podcast? I'd listen
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Old 06-26-2013, 02:09 PM   #132 (permalink)
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I don't like how my voice sounds when I'm speaking into a microphone. Anytime I'm on the radio, my voice seems to be a tad high, and doesn't have enough force behind it when I'm trying to make a point. I had thought about that, for me to be comfortable in the product I'm presenting, I would have to learn to speak with a bit lower voice. I hate Cowherds voice, and it's similar to that.

UB, remember, this would be the first time that I would be putting pen to paper about sports. I don't expect to be very good at it towards the beginning. Thing is, I would love to be putting together a blog right now about the Aaron Hernandez story. People in an uproar about how awful the NFL is with player behavior. An NFL opening day roster is around 45 players. ( I would research before making my point) Comparing that to a basketball/baseball roster by just overall number isn't a fair evaluation.

Ideally, that would be a piece that I would put up after recapping the arraignment, with a little bit of narrative inside it. Anyone can get the story through any media outlet they want. I want people to come to see what I have to say because it stirs up emotion, one way or the other.

Edit: As crazy as it sounds, I've got a pretty decent in when it comes to the world of MMA as well. Sean McCorkle out of Indy would do an interview/focus piece with me anytime I would want it. He's good friends with Chris Wiedman who is fighting Anderson Silva for the middleweight title on July 7th. Those 2 guys were out partying with a few other fighters in Chicago the last time I was there, and were texting us to come join them. Only problem is the MMA fan base doesn't seem to branch out a ton in other areas.

It's all just ideas. I'm starting from scratch and really have no idea how to get from point A to point B. I just think being able to write about what I actually love would be entertaining and therapeutic.

Nubblies: If we put up with Felix, we will put up with you too.

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Old 06-26-2013, 02:24 PM   #133 (permalink)
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A company I work for hires a guy to write articles for a small Pittsburgh Steelers portal who also writes for Bleacher Report. He is going to look into landing you a gig as a featured blogger on Bleacher Report. Your content ideas are solid. I'll help you edit stuff before submitting it to them. This is a much faster and more effective way of gaining exposure than starting your own blog and can be a springboard to other opportunities in the sports media world. Also, no one likes the way their own voice sounds.
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Old 06-26-2013, 02:40 PM   #134 (permalink)
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Do the McCorckle interview, the man is comedy gold.
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Old 06-26-2013, 03:05 PM   #135 (permalink)
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Sorry to hijack the thread. I'm going to start a new one. Back to guys kicking balls into the back of huge nets.

Nubblies: If we put up with Felix, we will put up with you too.
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Old 06-27-2013, 12:03 AM   #136 (permalink)
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The next big thing for Brazil: Bernard. The highlight is more of a great scouting report than sick highlight, it does a good job of identifying him so you can keep track of him.

The video calls him an attacking midfielder, which isn't wrong since he usually plays on the left of the 3 in a 4-2-3-1, but I think he is better described as a forward, pedantic difference, but I think it's relevant.

He fits in any attacking role besides being the main striker, although he might develop that ability in a similar style to Messi if a team was built around him. He can play on either wing in a 4-3-3, or even centrally in a 4-2-3-1, but isn't really a classic playmaker who could move deeper and turn that into a 4-3-3 in the way that Oscar does for Brazil now. If he played in a 2 striker system he would fit very well playing just off another, more orthodox striker.

He's in Brazil's team for the Confederations cup and has come on twice as a sub. I think he will be much more prominent by the World Cup, and be a starter after that. His main competition for a spot, most likely on the right wing, will be Hulk right now and then Lucas Moura, who is faster, but not as versatile or as good of a decision maker.

The decision making is what really sets Bernard apart, he always seems to make the right play, never over elaborating but also never afraid to make the tough play either.

Currently he plays at Atletico Mineiro with Ronaldinho, a great example technically, but also a lesson in what can happen if you don't behave like a professional athlete, so hopefully he learns from him.
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Old 06-27-2013, 03:17 PM   #137 (permalink)
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The next big thing for Brazil: Bernard.
Some killer crosses in that vid. How long before he's playing for major European team?
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Old 06-27-2013, 07:29 PM   #138 (permalink)
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Some killer crosses in that vid. How long before he's playing for major European team?
Could be this summer. Dortmund, Tottenham, Porto, and Shaktar Donetsk are all interested. Atletico Mineiro want 25m Euros for him, would probably settle for a little less.

Dortmund makes sense having just sold Goetze, although they prefer to buy German or use their youth team.

Tottenham seems less likely, possibly if Bale is sold, but their interest has cooled a little.

Porto makes a lot of sense, they constantly buy young South American (especially Brazilian) talent, win with them, sell them for profit, and repeat. His cost might be an issue because their scouting is so good they can probably find better value.

Shaktar would probably offer the most money to the team and player. Despite being in an industrial Ukrainian city, they have an enclave of Brazilian players, a regular place in the Champions League, and an owner with more money than Roman Abramovich.

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Old 06-28-2013, 12:26 AM   #139 (permalink)
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This is mind boggling.
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Old 06-28-2013, 02:39 PM   #140 (permalink)
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It's his to lose. Amazing.


The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them.
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Old 06-28-2013, 03:05 PM   #141 (permalink)
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I was trying to work out with a friend earlier if I could beat that kid in a fight. We concluded if the fight was today he would probably win; I wouldn't really know what I'm doing and as long as he didn't try to box me out and instead just focused on getting me to the ground so he could choke me out he would win. However, I think if I had 1-2 months to train and learn some basic fighting strategy I could be a favorite. And the fact that it's only a "could" vs. someone who weighs half what I do is pretty ridiculous.
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Old 06-28-2013, 06:56 PM   #142 (permalink)
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he said he weighs 100 pounds, bro. just sit on him.

#YOLO
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Old 06-28-2013, 08:39 PM   #143 (permalink)
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My MMA fantatic friend re: that suggestion: "if you end up on top you will get triangled or armbarred immediately, if you're aware of those submissions you might have a shot but would still probably lose to kimura or footlock."

Basically I don't think being on the ground vs. this kid would be a good idea at all. Need to hit him really hard in his little face.

Here is Royce Gracie beating someone 2.7 times his bodyweight. At 1:12 mark it's pretty much all over.

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Old 06-28-2013, 09:49 PM   #144 (permalink)
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So I have my sanity, can we assume that Kremlin would toast this little bitch?

KREMLIN, WOULD YOU TOAST THIS BITCH?
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Old 06-28-2013, 10:42 PM   #145 (permalink)
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So I have my sanity, can we assume that Kremlin would toast this little bitch?

KREMLIN, WOULD YOU TOAST THIS BITCH?
That's a safe assumption.
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Old 06-28-2013, 10:45 PM   #146 (permalink)
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I wouldn't rule out the kid beating most of us up in a pure stand up fight though, and I'm fairly comfortable boxing.

The issue would be him kicking the shit out of your legs, checking kicks is not a natural reaction, and taking one good one is painful. The natural reaction is to try to stop it with your hands, which means your going to get punched in the face.
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Old 06-29-2013, 03:23 AM   #147 (permalink)
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I love this sort of thing
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Old 06-30-2013, 03:28 AM   #148 (permalink)
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While Barcelona did just sign Neymar, they have 2 very promising young forwards, Cristian Tello and Gerard Deulofeu, who may also be fighting for a regular starting spot in the front 3 soon. One or both might be sent out on loan to gain playing time and experience depending on what happens to David Villa and Alexis Sanchez, but both are ready to play right now. Liverpool would love to get Tello on Loan, Dortmund are interested in either one; basically any European team that could use a forward would love either of them, that's how highly regarded they are. There is also Issac Cuenca who is going back on loan to Ajax for the second year.

First is Cristian Tello, 21 years old. Already has some first team experience. Definitely a winger, can play either side but is better from the left.
Incredibly fast, clinical in front of goal, can beat his defender and be very direct running at goal to either shoot or cross. Somewhat similar to Ronaldo, but not the same type of physical specimen, although he is more explosive than your typical Barcelona player

Next is Gerard Deulofeo, 19 years old, this will be his first year on the first team squad.
A more creative player than Tello, he is primarily a winger also, but can play centrally in a similar way to Messi too. Not quite the athlete that Tello is, but his link up play and passing is more in line with Barcelona's style.


Overall Tello is a bit of a change of pace player; somebody who offers more direct running at goal and can stretch defenses with his speed and width.

Deulofeu is more subtle, but has more ways to contribute with his overall game and ability to play as any of the 3 forward spots.

Both are also key players on the Spanish U21 (Tello) and U20 (Deulofeu) national teams, and will soon find themselves becoming members of the senior side.

Last edited by Beebs; 06-30-2013 at 03:33 AM.
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Old 06-30-2013, 05:32 PM   #149 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Beebs View Post
Me too. It's absolutely insane the progression of the sport. Guys are hitting stuff on every jump that one of would have won an event 5 years ago. That setup is amazing
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Old 06-30-2013, 09:31 PM   #150 (permalink)
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Sorry, somehow I missed the convo about beating up a little kid.

Any of you, myself included, could beat the fuck out of that kid...right now. Give him five years and a trip through puberty and we're probably all fucked, but right now that kid ain't strong enough to hurt me or hold me or choke me or anything. I would rape his tight little butthole.
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