Secret Santa 2k10

[Ironic Mustache]

Yeah Secret Santa just said fuck it there I guess.

[Orgazmo]

OR PERHAPS IT WAS A POST WITH FAKE INFORMATION

[ninjaface]

Originally Posted by Secret Fucking Santa

HO HO HO COCKBAG! YOUR SHIT SHOULD BE THERE TUESDAY OR WEDNESDAY!!!

Sweet. I'm hoping for tuesday because starting wednesday night I will be out of town until the 27th.

[Ironic Mustache]

Originally Posted by Orgazmo

OR PERHAPS IT WAS A POST WITH FAKE INFORMATION

All caps is characteristic of another poster I know of that frequents this thread.

[angry pancake]

I am beginning to believe my secret Santa will be late. That could be bad.

[Secret Fucking Santa]

Originally Posted by DJ FC

God damnit Santa. I guess it's Karma that I know my Santa.

GOD DAMNIT DJFC, DON'T MAKE ME TAKE A DUMP OF COAL DOWN YOUR SHIT EATING THROAT! SANTA LEFT EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS TO PM BANANATITS IF YOU WANTED ACCESS TO SANTA'S ACCOUNT TO MESSAGE YOUR SANTEE YOURSELF. APPARENTLY SOMEONE HAS BEEN A NAUGHTY BOY AND WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION. COCKBAG.

[Banana Tits]

ID/Mistoffelees...whatever you want to be called today - Your Santa says your gift is scheduled to arrive the 28th. It could have been there by the 23rd, but that was $35 and the 28th was $15...Santa is a cheap bastard.

[Ugly Bastard]

I propose next year we make SS an official Nubblies contest. Rules being: maximum of $x spent by participants (not counting shipping) which will just be honor-system based, a pledge to do everything within reason to conceal your identity as Santa, and then once everyone has received their gifts and uploaded pics, we vote on a winner. Of course, a timely delivered gift will receive better consideration than an equally-impressive gift that arrives after Christmas.

[Orgazmo]

Fantastic proposition. I'd play.

[Secret Fucking Santa]

HOHOHOHOHOOHO! THERE IS A PACKAGE ON ITS WAY TO YOU ANGRY PANCAKE. YOU HAVE BEEN SUCH A GOOD BOY THIS YEAR. ESTIMATED DELIVERY DATE IS THURSDAY. IF THAT IS TOO LATE FOR YOU OR IT ARRIVES LATER PLEASE SUCK MY JINGLE BALLS.

HOHOHOHOHO!

[Repugnant Abomination]

Man, Santa sure is sassy.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

Originally Posted by Banana Tits

ID/Mistoffelees...whatever you want to be called today - Your Santa says your gift is scheduled to arrive the 28th. It could have been there by the 23rd, but that was $35 and the 28th was $15...Santa is a cheap bastard.

It must be a really good present he spent a lot of time on since he wasn't able to send it earlier. I can't wait.

[DDTempest]

Originally Posted by Repugnant Abomination

Man, Santa sure is sassy.

I kinda like him this way.

[angry pancake]

Originally Posted by Secret Fucking Santa

HOHOHOHOHOOHO! THERE IS A PACKAGE ON ITS WAY TO YOU ANGRY PANCAKE. YOU HAVE BEEN SUCH A GOOD BOY THIS YEAR. ESTIMATED DELIVERY DATE IS THURSDAY. IF THAT IS TOO LATE FOR YOU OR IT ARRIVES LATER PLEASE SUCK MY JINGLE BALLS.

HOHOHOHOHO!

HOHOHO back atcha you disgusting fat fuck. Angry Pancake will be in Las Vegas around 8:00 a.m. PST on Thursday. And hopefully balls deep into the house sitter/FWB by noon the same day. If pics don't arrive until after January, that's the situation.

[angry pancake]

Originally Posted by Ugly Bastard

I propose next year we make SS an official Nubblies contest. Rules being: maximum of $x spent by participants (not counting shipping) which will just be honor-system based, a pledge to do everything within reason to conceal your identity as Santa, and then once everyone has received their gifts and uploaded pics, we vote on a winner. Of course, a timely delivered gift will receive better consideration than an equally-impressive gift that arrives after Christmas.

I like. I win already. I'm sending an ounce of sticky dank seedless hydropically grown heirloom
"tomatoes." Those cost nothing to grow. Can I have my golden N now please?

[ninjaface]

I'll need you to send me a sample for verification purposes.

[Orgazmo]

Maybe we should have a secret weed selling forum. "Vegetables" would be its name. You would need to PM Mistoffelees for admission and it would be his decision whether or not you could enter.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

PM me for permission to create this sub forum and I'll forward it to you effective immediately.

[angry pancake]

I always thought that was what went on in the elite forum.

[Secret Fucking Santa]

Hey Ironic Mustache,

Great write up of the gift I got you. Except that you missed one, Faggot.

Thumb through the Playboy.

Oh yeah, and go fuck yourself.

[Orgazmo]

Originally Posted by Ironic Mustache

I've been meaning to [Mein Kampf] that for a long time actually.

It is public domain and available freely through sites like this one.

[ninjaface]

Today, I arrived home to see this. It stated it was from Santa. Upon reading the return address, I decided that it was more likely that DDTempest was behind all this. Only time will tell.

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I opened the box with great care... only to find layers upon layers of what can only be described as light, thin, fibrous material with unintelligible, albeit colorful, markings on them.

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After what must have been several hours of careful excavation, I happened upon many curious objects that seem to have remained undisturbed for millennia. Fascinating.

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I cataloged each item and I will show them here in the order they were extracted.

Item #1

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This appears to be a statue honoring a wise, yet fearsome cyclops. Brandishing a sword and hook, he was no doubt a force to be reckoned with. The only part that baffled me was the phallic shaped item on his face. It was located to the right of where a normal human's right eye would be. Perhaps with further research I will be able to discover its meaning.


Item #2

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The next item was cylindrical in nature and had a fiery red design. Most definitely a weapon. Further study is needed. Though I must proceed with caution; it looks quite dangerous.

Item #3

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What we see here looks to be a toy or model of some sort used to explain the reproductive system of an ancient animal.


Item #4

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This item is a drug that was smoked for recreational purposes.

Item #5

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A small amulet bearing magical symbols. Likely worn for protection against evil spirits or the supernatural.

Item #6

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A slender, transparent bag-like container. Contents can be described as short, thin, brown, hair-like clippings. The dig team thinks it might be dried herbs.

Item #7

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We had trouble capturing a photo of this tiny figurine. It is delicately carved and seems to be fully intact. Judging by the colorful sticks he appears to be of great religious importance.

Item #8

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At first this item seemed at odds with the rest of the find. But after careful examination, it was clear that this a mode of transportation for Item #7, the religious figurine. Once placed atop the metal transportation square it made much more sense.

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Item #9

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The final item looks to be a torture device that was used to extract information from even the most hardened slave child. Indeed an unenviable fate.

All in all, the excavation yielded twists and turns the likes that I've never before witnessed. A fine collection sure to advance our knowledge of what once was.

[Ugly Bastard]

DDT, did you just go around your house picking up random objects off the floor and out of the trash for your Santee?

I'm sorry. That was mean. I'm just bitter because MY SANTA HAS NOT PRODUCED SO MUCH AS THE SLIGHTEST HINT OF ACKNOWLEDGING THAT I EXIST.

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

pretty shitty gift considering how much he bitched about his. At least ninjaface is a good sport.

[Orgazmo]

It's amazing how different each person's feelings on Secret Santa gifts are. Once all gifts have been dealt, I plan on going through each and writing how I feel about them and ranking them. I'd be appreciative if some of you did the same so I could get a bearing on how my thoughts line up with yours.