Secret Santa 2k10

[Secret Fucking Santa]

Originally Posted by Ironic Mustache

I wish my Secret Santa would send me something.

HO MOTHERFUCKING HO MOTHERFUCKING HO!

I'M OFF TO SHIP YOU YOUR GIFT RIGHT NOW, IRONIC MUSTACHE!

IT WILL PROBABLY BE THERE IN A WEEK. UNLESS I SEE COMPLICATIONS AT THE POSTAL FUCKING OFFICE.

PUMP YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BRAKES AND WAIT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

HO HO HO.

YOU FUCKING NIGGER

[Ironic Mustache]

Thanks Santa! Though I could do without the attitude next time.

[Secret Fucking Santa]

Fruit, your god damned motherfucking slut of a gift is on its way.

DD Tempest, your first issue of Playboy "will be shipped in 4-6 weeks to the address below, and we will rush you your FREE dvd, Sexy, Amateur Home Videos." It's a year subscription, and I'd like to remind you to read it for the articles.

And Ironic Fucking Mustache: Expect your gift around Wednesday.

[Ugly Bastard]

The Repug and Blonde Santas rocked so fucking hard. Made me feel very insecure about the plan I have for my Santee.

[Secret Fucking Santa]

DEAR DER FUHRER AND/OR DIRTY MOTHERFUCKING HARRY:





ALSO IN LIGHT OF RECENT EVENTS I'M FEELING EXTRA SANTA-EY THIS YEAR, AND HAVE DECIDED TO SPREAD SOME EXTRA MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS CHEER. EXPECT ANOTHER PACKAGE IN THE COMING WEEKS, HO HO HO!!!

[Ugly Bastard]

iPhone double-post FTL. :-/

[Ironic Mustache]

Originally Posted by Ugly Bastard

The Repug and Blonde Santas rocked so fucking hard. Made me feel very insecure about the plan I have for my Santee.

Yeah I stepped my gift plan up a bit as well. The $20 thing is very misleading considering the current giftery.

[DDTempest]

Originally Posted by Secret Fucking Santa

DD Tempest, your first issue of Playboy "will be shipped in 4-6 weeks to the address below, and we will rush you your FREE dvd, Sexy, Amateur Home Videos." It's a year subscription, and I'd like to remind you to read it for the articles.

I would find this to be a very disappointing gift ... hope its not true santa.

[angry pancake]

Originally Posted by Ironic Mustache

Yeah I stepped my gift plan up a bit as well. The $20 thing is very misleading considering the current giftery.

I'd not sweat that. Repug and blonde just happened to win the secret Santa lotto. And both santas would send shit early.

[Secret Fucking Santa]

FRUITACIOUS B

I'm told that your gift has been DELIVERED and is WAITING ON YOUR FRONT STEP (as of 1:14pm this afternoon).

GO GET IT YOU DUMB BASTARD.

HO HO HO

[Saint DH]

My gift has been received, I will post pics later.

[Ironic Mustache]

I feel like I've Tivo'd this thread and am waiting on someone else so I can read it.

[Fruitacious B]

Indeed, my gift was delivered at that time, it was handed to me personally by Mr. UPS man. I'll be posting pics either later tonight or early tomorrow. My computer's got a bug, and I can't upload anything while in Safe Mode. Once I've got it nipped updating will be top priority.

[angry pancake]

Originally Posted by Dirty Harry

My gift has been received, I will post pics later.

fail.

[Saint DH]

it's finals week, I'm busy. I have to get a usb cord to connect my phone to my computer to upload the pictures. This weekend it'll happen.

[Ironic Mustache]

Your phone doesn't have an e-mail function? I hope your secret santa got you a hyper-color t-shirt to go with your technology.

Edit* Also, you don't get to open your present until you're ready to post. I hope you didn't already peek. The rules clearly state that you're to take pictures as you're opening so that we can experience each gift as if it's our own.

[Saint DH]

You guys are lucky that I care more about this board's happiness than my own future.

Here is my gift. Upon it's arrival I instantly knew what book it was. Perhaps I'll give it a read someday. It would be interesting to peer inside the mind of the world's most infamous super-villain.



My mailman thinks I'm a Nazi now...



Thanks Santa!

[Ironic Mustache]

I've been meaning to read that for a long time actually.

[Orgazmo]

Originally Posted by Fruitacious B

Indeed, my gift was delivered at that time, it was handed to me personally by Mr. UPS man. I'll be posting pics either later tonight or early tomorrow. My computer's got a bug, and I can't upload anything while in Safe Mode. Once I've got it nipped updating will be top priority.

What's it like to fail?

Pics plz.

[Ugly Bastard]

I'm starting to worry that I drew a deadbeat Secret Santa.

[angry pancake]

Those Bo Jackson cards are hard to find.

[Orgazmo]

Originally Posted by Ugly Bastard

I'm starting to worry that I drew a deadbeat Secret Santa.

x2. It can't be worse than last year.

[Repugnant Abomination]

Never say never. Nubblies has a great tradition of bringing out the worst in people.

[Fruitacious B]

Originally Posted by Orgazmo

What's it like to fail?

Pics plz.

In response to your question, to fail is not fun. Here are the pics. Apologies for the delay, I had to resize all of these fuckers so they wouldn't be too big.



Without further ado, my Secret Santa adventure:
------------------------

After a full inspection by the resident bomb-dog, the package was cleared for passage.


Upon opening, I was greeted with an enlightening note. After reading it, it was clear that I must find this Jesus fellow and give him what-for.


But first I was going to have to dig for him.



The gloves had me curious and slightly apprehensive. Perhaps I should wear them for safety whilst inspecting the contents. In the end, I decided not to.


The first of the gifts to be brought forth from the box was a ziploc bag containing a delightful collection of mid-90's basketball cards featuring the likes of Gary Payton, Clyde Drexler, Alonzo Mourning, Jason Kidd, Spud Webb, David Robinson, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Shaq, Luc Longley, and Michael Motherfucking Jordan (who, while being a God, is not Jesus).




Following the discovery of the basketball cards was this dvd "Miss Julie". I have never seen or heard of this movie, so I have no idea what to expect. Fingers crossed.



Next to catch my attention was this orange, smiling coin holder. The likes of which I recall getting at school carnivals and whatnot, and haven't seen for sometime....



that's when it happened, the Son of God presented himself to me when that orange smiling face opened his mouth wide, and I was filled with utter joy...my salvation had come. I had found Jesus, and it felt good. For this was no normal crucifix, oh no.



IT WAS A JESUS BLADE!! A holy device for providing the Lord's Wrath unexpectedly, Inquisition style. Honestly, this could've been the only thing in the box, and I probably would've been content. It replaced my usual pocketknife the moment I laid eyes on it, and it's resided in my pocket ever since. To top it off, etched in the back of this badass little fucker are the words "God Bestow", which makes it even cooler.



But this was not the end of this journey, oh no, there was more. Another ziploc bag containing a hodgepodge of assorted items.



Another coin thing, a finger puppet, a chicken keychain that shits an egg bubble when squeezed, a rubber stamp saying "Dog Lover", a "Drunk" belt buckle with built-in bottle opener, a Guinness keychain bottle opener, a piece of paper describing the Zodiac and corresponding birthstones for each sign, a tube of Pogs, which considering I spent a few of my formative elementary school years playing was an awesome surprise and also reminded me that I have to find and dust off some slammers and convert Pog to a drinking game. And lastly, a Green Pen, which states...

GREEN PEN IS GREEN.
Also, do not steal this pen. Thanks.

Ah shit. Its probably too late.
If you're reading this you most likely stole it.


You bastard.



Next we have two dvd sets, the first being Family Guy Volume 1 and 2, classic. The second being Beavis and Butthead Volume 1, which I was more pumped about. It's been too long since I've gotten high and cheesed out while watching some Beavis and Butthead.



A Hall Pass. I never though I'd see one of these again, and I'm not sure what to think of it, or what it'll be used for, but I'm sure I'll come up with something.



Robot Santa: The Further Adventures of Santa's Twin, by Dean Koontz. I didn't even know that Dean Koontz wrote children's books, but after going through this one, it's pretty sweet, and one that I'll probably end up reading to my spawn someday. I wouldn't be surprised if the artwork scares the shit out of him, but that's a risk that will have to be taken.



A huge Iron Man pen. Self-explanatory.



The whole take.




All in all, I'm pretty stoked about my gifts, and would like to thank my Secret Santa, who, according to my calculations (i.e. the address on the box.) is Ninjaface.* Thank you for the gifts, I found Jesus thanks to you.




*If those calculations are wrong, then to whoever you are, manythanks.

[thekremlin]

Ninjaface, post something here so you can be +repped. What a great gift.