John Rambo

[Orgazmo]

The little bastard is still doing well. He's doubled his size in the past month (weighing in a 8 lbs now) and is pretty much potty trained. He rings a bell at the back door when he needs to shit. The only time he fucks up is when we don't hear him ringing the bell.

He's also learning tricks nicely. He has mastered "Sit," is doing okay at "Shake," and has started on "Down." He's also a badass with "Drop It."

He still has a pussy bark. I do think it's a little better than it was, though. Still not nearly good enough.

The cat is more tolerant of him at this point as well. He's much more playful with the little bastard. He does still beat the shit out of him from time to time, but these are becoming less frequent. Of course, the dog will soon be bigger than the cat. I'd imagine this will affect the beatings.

[DDTempest]

Originally Posted by Orgazmo

He's also learning tricks nicely. He has mastered "Sit," is doing okay at "Shake," and has started on "Down." He's also a badass with "Drop It."

I saw no evidence of this.

[Repugnant Abomination]

Gaz, there are accusations floating around about a Mr. John Rambo. Something pertaining to a lack of evidence regarding your previous boasting.

I know you'll do the right thing.

[Orgazmo]

He's not here to prove himself to anyone except his master.

[ninjaface]

Teach that little bastard to shit on command.

[DDTempest]

Originally Posted by Orgazmo

He's not here to prove himself to anyone except his master.

I took this as a challenge and taught my cat the following tricks:

Make a katana.
Wield a katana.
Slice watermelons in half while on an asian person's neck without cutting their neck with a katana.

[Orgazmo]

Ram is maturing nicely. He's growing at the same rate (roughly 4 lbs/month) and now weighs in at a hefty 12-13 pounds. This means that he officially outweighs the cat.



Also, as of yesterday, he can jump onto the couch on his own. He did it once, became very confused, and then immediately jumped off. He hasn't done it again yet, but he'll soon piece that together. Of course, the couch is the Cat's holy ground, so he probably won't be allowed up without supervision. He is a bit of a fuck like that...always requiring supervision and whatnot. That said, he hasn't really destroyed anything yet. Sure, the tip of a shoelace here and there, but nothing torn the fuck up. I'm sure he's biding his time.



He pissed on the bed the other day. Not a little bit, either. Quite a bit. We were playing the Mario ghost game...where, when I walk away from him, he runs at me, and then he freezes when I turn around and runs when I walk toward him. This riled the fuck out of him. To end the game, I picked him up and threw him onto the bed. I slowly approached him, growling. His response was to freeze (normal behavior for the ghost game) and then, realizing he was kind of trapped (it takes him a few seconds to work up the courage to jump off the bed), he panicked and pissed. I've forgiven him for this and have learned that he takes the ghost game more seriously than I do.

[Ugly Bastard]

Remember approaching Scout like a zombie with our shirts over our faces and that one time when he was on the couch and we both approached him zombie-style he just started pissing himself on the couch? LOL it's actually pretty funny because you are literally scaring the piss out of them.

[DDTempest]

As a kid my friend's grandma had a dog that would piss all over the place when it got excited, so we thought it was hilarious to get her all excited and then leave after the dog pissed all over the couch.

My other friends had a dachshund that would roll over on his back and piss every time I came over because he was so excited to see me.

Moral of this story is I am good at making dogs piss, lets hope Rambo has a strong bladder.

[Orgazmo]

Originally Posted by Ugly Bastard

Remember approaching Scout like a zombie with our shirts over our faces and that one time when he was on the couch and we both approached him zombie-style he just started pissing himself on the couch? LOL it's actually pretty funny because you are literally scaring the piss out of them.

I do. It's the first thing I thought of after I threw the bastard outside. I should have learned my lesson there.

[Orgazmo]

He's still growing. Like a little god damned weed, he's still growing. I'd put him at close to 16 pounds now. While promising, his sister is now closer to 25 pounds and every bit as big as their mother. It's really something. I'm hoping that he'll get to be that size. I have no reason to believe he won't. He's succeeds at everything he tries to do. This will be no different.



The cat still doesn't like him. It doesn't help that he's 2x the cat's size and 1.5x the cat's weight. He's also getting faster and stronger. That cat's only real defense now is going onto his back, allowing him to use the claws on his hind legs. The dog has started to learn that this is where playtime gets dangerous. When the cat goes onto his back, the dog normally turns around and stands still until the cat gets to his feet. It's pretty funny to watch...a cat, pissed as can be, and a dog standing two inches away facing the complete opposite direction. I suppose it works well for him.

One item that the dog is disobedient with is the cat's food. While the dog is on a "eat when you want" schedule (he's fed 3x a day, but he's fed way more than he needs and it's left out all day), the cat is on a very strict diet (3x a day, but quite a bit less). Of these 3 meals for the cat, #1 and #3 are canned food which, from what I can tell, is delicious. The dog agrees that it is delicious and loves sneaking to the bowl, bullying the cat away, and then eating the food (which takes no more than 5 seconds for him to do).

On the flipside, the cat is constantly sneaking up on Bo's food bowl. This doesn't bother the dog in the least. He's more than happy to share. This goes against the cat's diet, though, so he is normally denied with kicks from me.

In this picture, the cat is sneaking up to the dog's food bowl (which has to be kept in the living room to ensure that A.) If the dog is eating, he's eating his own food and B.) the cat can be kept at bay by my kicks). This is the only reason the cat is being calm with the dog this close. Also, this picture was taken a week or so ago. The dog is a bit larger than this now.



Another piece of not-so-desirable behavior from the dog is his humping. Though, to his credit, he is very precise with it. He religiously restricts his humping to 3 items: other dogs, new people, and his bed.

His humping of other dogs normally comes when he's playing with his sister. He's a sick fuck like that. This is rare, though, as they're normally too busy tackling one another for him to have time to actually hump.

His humping of new people, on the other hand, is not rare. In fact, it's almost a certainty that, if you visit the house (his territory) and he doesn't recognize you, you will be humped. Especially if you are female. While he normally does a quick leg hump or a hover-over-the-shoe-while-slightly-making-a-humping-motion hump for dudes, he generally doesn't leave females alone until scolded. Atta boy. This behavior melts away entirely for those who he is familiar with, though, and I don't recall him ever humping Rachel or I.

His bed humping is my favorite. In fact, it's so much more than just humping. It's pure domination. The vet claims that his gentle humping of strangers is his way of telling them that this is his house and he is the boss. If that's the case, he fucking owns that bed. Though he has slightly grown out of it, there was about a 3 week period where he would daily (sometimes twice a day) engage is a full on raping of his bed. The ritual always begins with him tearing the inner pillow from the outer holding thing. This is done forcefully while he growls. He then continues by holding the pillow in his mouth, shaking it forcefully and growling very loudly. He does this in an open area while dancing around...which is key, because if he hit his head on a corner during a shake, he would most certainly die. Once he's finished here, he engages the bed with his genitals. Sometimes he simply stands above the slain foe doing a hump motion (a good 8" away from making contact), and sometimes he'll bear down on that motherfucker. After he's finished here, he'll begin an indefinite cycle of violent domination, followed by sexual domination, followed by violent domination...over and over again. Each iteration is slightly less energetic than the previous until he ends up passing out on his victim.

Here is a small clip of the sexual domination

YouTube - rambowned

YouTube - rambowned

His other activity that I thoroughly enjoy is his zooming. Normally paired with a cat battle, he'll oftentimes randomly start running in giant circles through the house. He starts in the living room and either simply does circles around the couch or, more often, laps around the 4-room area that join to make the common area of the house. During the laps, the cat stands alert on the back of the couch and paws violently at the dog as he passes. The dog isn't phased, though. The look on his face is pure determination as he completes lap after lap. Generally 10-15 laps is his limit before his zooming ends at the water bowl.

[Mr. Blonde]

please keep these coming. they are highly enjoyable.

[Orgazmo]

The cat is to the point where he generally doesn't like being held anymore. The reason is that he feels trapped when he can't move as he pleases. Though he can tolerate a holding with nothing more than a sporadic growl when alone, if the dog comes nearby he becomes unruly. If the dog jumps at him, he turns from unruly to completely violent...both toward the dog and the holder.

Here's a video demonstrating this. It's tough to hear, but the cat is constantly growling, meowing and hissing. Along with that, each time the cat swings and connects with the dog (which is most of his swings), the echo of the thump on his snout is very loud. Nonetheless, the dog is undeterred. He simply must jump at the cat. It's as if he was put on the Earth for the sole purpose of doing just that.

YouTube - epic battle

YouTube - epic battle

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

You really should encourage your dog to do that. What you are doing is cruel. Declawed cats are defenseless. If tarzan wasn't maimed one good swipe would teach that dog a lesson, problem solved, no more fighting.

Poor Tarzan.

[Mr. Blonde]

Originally Posted by Mr. Mistoffelees

: You really should encourage your dog to do that.

agreed

[Repugnant Abomination]

Dogs > cats.

[DDTempest]

+nets to Bananatits if she tells us how the hell she held the cat without getting her arm gashed open like usual.

[Orgazmo]

Originally Posted by Mr. Mistoffelees

You really should encourage your dog to do that. What you are doing is cruel. Declawed cats are defenseless. If tarzan wasn't maimed one good swipe would teach that dog a lesson, problem solved, no more fighting.

Poor Tarzan.

A.) We normally do yell at the dog for jumping at the cat for no reason. The cat is a prick, though. He was before the dog showed up and he certainly is now. Because of this, he needs to be taken down a peg or two now and then. Beating the cat with my hands is animal cruelty. Letting the dog piss him off is a satisfying-enough alternative.

B.) His options are being declawed in the front or not having a home. And he's far from defenseless. Take a look at BT's arm if you think that's the case (which also answers DD's question...she did get gashed up like normal).

C.) The dog annoys him, but doesn't hurt him. He jumps without biting. This is simply forcing the stuck-up older brother to hang out with the annoying younger brother. Sure, we all know he's not having fun...but the family must hang out with one another if it plans on being a successful unit going forward. We're simply acclimating the son of a bitch with a taste of what the rest of his life is going to be like.

[Ugly Bastard]

Update us on John Rambo and watch as you are bathed in Internets.

[DDTempest]

I saw this thread had new posts and I was concerned you got around to deballing the poor little guy ... at this point you might as well just stud him out.

[Orgazmo]

Alright, assholes. Ask and ye shall receive...eventually.



Ram is maturing nicely. He is now 9 months old and I think he's about as big as he's going to get at this point. He's roughly the same size as his mother now, though he's quite a bit smaller than his older sister. She is kind of a freak for a Sheltie, though...so that doesn't make him any less of a man. Honest.



Cutting his balls off will make him less of a man, though. That said, worry not DD, he currently walks with them intact. His humping has all but disappeared, even when playing with his favorite humpables. That has led us to be lazy about this issue. We do fear that it is contributing to some of his character flaws, though, like...



He has had a few mild (or...sometimes not so mild) indiscretions. Of these, the most concerning has to do with pissing. Two or three times in the past couple of months, the son of a bitch has pissed inside for no reason whatsoever. I'm talking...we're in the living room watching TV and, without crying or ringing his piss bells, he simply lifts that little bastard leg of his and unleashes his yellow hell upon the floor.



The last time that he did this was many weeks ago, but I caught him mid-stream. Sitting on the couch, I heard a gentle shower behind me splashing onto the wood kitchen floor. I leapt up over the back of the couch yelling at him. His response? He tucked his tail, ran to the other side of the couch (into the living room, away from me), and did his best ID impression by finishing his stream on my still-reclined couch chair. Son of a bitch.



His other malfeasance comes from his adoring relationship with bathroom trashcans, sandals, and panties. If any of those items are available for chewing/eating during a time when he's loose with no supervision, the dog will sin. And he'll do it without hesitation. At times, it seems like he has absolutely no control over his impulses. Other times, though, it's like he is simply using his time on Earth to wait for someone to leave him alone. We used to leave the dog our for hours at a time when he was a puppy. Up to 5 hours without any fear whatsoever. Not now, though. The other day I was gone for 5-10 minutes driving down the road to pick up Thai. Upon my return, I found:



He's always sorry when he chews something. He shows this by putting his ears back and acting all squirrely. That picture was taken immediately following a scolding. After a yelling like that, he keeps his distance until cooler heads prevail. At that point, he'll get closer and stare until he is acknowledged...and then he'll lick. He'll lick until told to stop. Of course, no matter how sorry he is, it doesn't keep him from doing it the next time. He's an asshole like that.



He and the cat get along much, much better than before. After we got back from Vegas a couple of months ago, the cat had calmed immensely. What was once an animal that would hiss if someone looked at him the wrong way had morphed into a real animal with a tiny semblance of compassion. He still isn't the president of the dog's fan club, but he'll man the top of the couch while the dog sleeps on a cushion without hesitation. This is a vast improvement.



The dog's favorite treats are ice cubes. He has never let out a whimper for a morsel of food, but once he hears the ice maker engage, he'll wake from the deepest of sleeps to sit his ass at the foot of the fridge. These simple cubes seem to bring him the joy of a thousand praises. No matter the amount of joy they bring, though, the positive can never overcome his fear of the dreaded didjeridu, the aboriginal noise-making instrument that sits in the corner of my living room. Even the most tempting of ice cubes won't lure the dog within a couple feet of this item. I'm sure this stems from me chasing him with it while he was a puppy, but the fear seems quite irrational. I mean, 99.9% of its time is spent sitting dormant leaned against the corner of the room.



Another thing he does that's a bit odd is barking at the television. I guess it makes sense, but if there are any dogs on tv barking or even a person whistling/clapping/ringing a doorbell, the dog will immediately go on guard, bruffing until a reasonable amount of time has passed. never did that, but I guess it seems normal. Also, we've been trying to shape his "bark" into more of a "bruff," a very low, under-his-breath noise. While it's a slow going process, he is making strides and generally will only bruff unless extremely yiffed up. This is a good thing.

That's all I have for now. I appreciate your patience and look forward to bringing you more John Rambo in the coming months.

[Ugly Bastard]

Awesome pictures and a great write-up.

Two thoughts:

1. I can't help but think it's in the best interest of you and the dog to get him deballed.

2. I'll bet he gets squirrely + needy after a disciplining yet still does it again bc he can't connect the dots on why he's being yelled at. In other words, you're not really disciplining the dog, you're just kind of scaring him and he's unsure why. That's just a theory, though. Obviously I don't have as much information at hand regarding how much the dog picks up on as yourself.

[Orgazmo]

Thanks for your input. I certainly agree with #1 and it is definitely in our plans. I don't see any real benefit to not deballing him.

About #2, I do think he connects the dots. I was going to add this bit, but completely forgot. One of my favorite things about the dog is that I can tell when something bad is happening or has happened based on how he's acting. In short: If his ears are back or he's staring at me cautiously, something is amiss.

He does this pretty often and it's generally spot on. Today, for example, he jumped on the couch and put his face inches from my head with his ears back. I was doing work and not really paying attention to anything going on at the time. As I looked at him, he immediately looked away to the direction of his food bowl...where the cat was quietly and cautiously pilfering feed from the dog. He knows that I yell when the cat does this, so I think he was actually apologizing for the cat's behavior.

A little later today, he was asleep on the opposite end of the couch. He woke up suddenly, sat beside me, and put his ears back. I told him it was okay, nothing bad was happening...and then he started doing his pre-puke gagging. I put him outside, he puked, and everything was back normal. It was basically just him saying, "Umm...something fucked up is going on...help?" It pleases me.

Connecting this back to the trash: Whenever he's recently chewed something and I'm coming inside, he'll greet me at the door, oftentimes without barking, and he'll have the ears back. I'll immediately know he's done something and can normally tell where the mess is by simply going in the opposite direction of where he's going (if it's in a bathroom, he'll go into the living room looking back at me...if it's in the living room/kitchen, he'll hover in the hallway). This tells me that he definitely does know what is wrong...but that he either isn't able to control his impulses yet or he simply doesn't care to.

I'm inclined to think that he legitimately can't stay away from an open trash can if there's no supervision, though. I know that he can't control his barking sometimes. Maybe this is similar? For example, if he hears something outside that really gets him going, he'll go apeshit. He is a dog, after all. I'll normally calm him by calling him over and putting a hand on him. While I do this, he'll continue to bark, but he'll stifle the noise (into a bruff) and look at me sadly as he does it. It's like he knows that he shouldn't be barking, maybe even that he doesn't want to be barking, but they still eek on out.

[Ugly Bastard]

That makes a lot of sense. All of that was pretty god damned funny to visualize. Scout does the same thing re: barking. He knows damn well he's not to do it, but certain things just set him off and he has no choice but to bruff it out. He'll do his best to keep it a bruff and not a bark all the while his expression is like, "god dammit, I'm prisoner to this need to bruff right now, please don't hit me."

[THEINCREDIBLEdork]

Originally Posted by Orgazmo

He does this pretty often and it's generally spot on. Today, for example, he jumped on the couch and put his face inches from my head with his ears back. I was doing work and not really paying attention to anything going on at the time. As I looked at him, he immediately looked away to the direction of his food bowl...where the cat was quietly and cautiously pilfering feed from the dog. He knows that I yell when the cat does this, so I think he was actually apologizing for the cat's behavior.

Your dog is a tattle tail.